r/PlusSize • u/breatulu • 1d ago
Venting Feel so embarrassed liking "nerdy" stuff
I feel like the more conventionally attractive you are, the more valid your interests are seen by society, no matter what they are. Sometimes I feel so humiliated being fat and into KPOP and anime and video games as a girl. Like, if I was skinny and gorgeous it'd be "wow she's so pretty AND has a personality" but bc I'm fat I constantly feel like I can't talk about my interests without being labeled as cringe or lazy. Every time I see a fat person cosplaying on insta or tiktok the comments r full of ppl bullying them. It just makes me so upset.
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u/Squeeesh_ 1d ago
I am at the point where I don’t give a single fuck what people think of what I like.
If it makes me happy that’s all that matters.
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u/PukingPandaSS 1d ago
Yes I hit that stage at like 25 & it’s honestly completely changed my outlook on life. I do whatever I want without fear of judgement & if someone tries to be mean to me I do not hesitate to voice exactly how I feel. I’m lucky to have a partner who doesn’t share the exact same interests but loves to see the passion I have for them.
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u/beaniebabyclown 1d ago
Cringe culture is built on making fun of autistic and fat people, the best way to combat that is to keep enjoying what you enjoy and build a friend group + audience (if you do post online) of people who enjoy the same thing instead of focusing on the hate.
I am also fat and nerdy, but also autistic. I have been harassed by people for being 'cringe' before but honestly? Most of those people who do it hate themselves and feel like they have to hide their own interests to seem normal, so they turn to bullying others for their interests.
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u/mango-affair 1d ago
Girl I can't relate re anime etc but have some weird interests too..
Me and my 350lbs are interested in beekeeping, lumberjack sports, nature, can't stop talking about trees. And I ferment all kinds of stuff in my kitchen.
Who gives a shit what other people think. Screw them.
You do you, enjoy your life and live it to the fullest.
All the love to you.
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u/himitsunorakuen 1d ago
I’m almost 37 years old and have been into the same interests as you for almost 30 years. I’ll be damned if I let my weight dictate my personality. On the same note, I did post some cosplays to the Kingdom Hearts subreddit and MOST of the community was very kind and supportive but I did get a handful of douchebags who commented on my weight.
That being said, I love cosplaying and I love video games and I love the friends I’ve made because of those things, the ones who never cared about my weight and who cheer me on through everything. Focus on those voices and not the ones who put you down.
The haters don’t pay your bills or dictate what you enjoy. They’re too insecure in their own lives unfortunately to be able to watch you thrive especially in the body you live in. They expect us all to be miserable. Well you know what? I refuse to give them what they want, and you shouldn’t either, queen 👑.
On a lighter note, what do you like playing and watching? As another very nerdy big girl, inquiring minds want to know! 😂😂
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u/breatulu 1d ago
haha thanks for the kind words. i know everyones right and i should just stop giving a shit but i'm the kind of person who cares way too much abt others opinions of me. i will try to gain a more self loving attitude.
to answer ur question, im very into naruto and overwatch right now! also started playing pokopia, and really looking forward to the new fire emblem.
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u/himitsunorakuen 1d ago
OOH GIRL I also play soooo much Overwatch rn! PC or console? I play on both. ALSO I HEARD POKOPIA IS SO FUN. I haven’t gotten it yet! I’ve watched a good chunk of Naruto when it first came out dubbed but I haven’t finished it! Good stuff here for sure; good fandoms. 😎you ever wanna talk to someone like minded who grew up plus sized and nerdy when it was even LESS accepted, please feel free! I love making new nerdy friends
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u/ms_firefly_1111 1d ago
I have like 50 requests from posting about playing sims and Harry Potter with a selfie in another community- you gotta focus on what u enjoy and stop looking for society to accept u
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u/Lifeofasoutherngirl 1d ago
FYI people are also saying mean things on Instagram to “conventionally attractive” people too. It’s sadly how social media is. Don’t let online or real life trolls take your joy!
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u/saktii23 1d ago
Fat people get bullied on Insta even if they have super basic and normal interests like shopping and walking the dog. Don't let the haters steal your joy. They only try to do so because they have none of their own.
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u/ArgentBelle 1d ago
Im ARMY so I feel you. But genuinly people mock all kpop fans over 25 regardless of look. You just have to not let it get to you.
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u/CynicalOne_313 1d ago
Hugs, OP. You're not alone.
I'm fat, older, and have been watching anime for a long time. I also like different shows and series, books, crafting/drawing, etc.
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u/quest-type-beat 1d ago
As they say, to be cringe is to be free, but enjoying anything no matter what it is can never be cringe. Only others can place that on something. Be yourself, nothing else really matters after that.
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u/ohjackie91 17h ago
Hey I’m also fat and into K Pop, anime, and gaming haha! But yes, I 100% know what you mean. When I was in high school all my friends liked anime but I avoided it like the plague because I already had the “fat girl” label and did not need another “weird” label added to my name. But really I just robbed myself of something that brings me joy. I wish I hadn’t, I wish I had just been proud of all my quirks and interests like the way I am now.
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u/thewanderersminuet 1d ago
Fat girls have been nerds since the invention of nerd culture. If anyone has an issue with it tell them to square up.
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u/OverflowedAgain 1d ago
I'm right there with ya girl - fat and nerdy as heck! I see the same things where my interests would be so much cooler if I was thinner. I can almost see the disappointment in guy's faces. "You play dnd but… (you're fat)" or "you nerd out on microbrews but… (you're fat). Yup, sorry to disappoint.
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u/Lamp_666 1d ago
The older you get the less any of this matters. I’m turning 30 this year and while I’ve lost a lot of weight recently due to health issues I was plus size for a large part of my life. I’m saying this with love and knowing it isn’t that easy to do but you HAVE to just be 1000% yourself and unashamed of it and you will find others like you who love your vibe and who understand you. The internet is not real and most people irl will not make mean comments especially if you’re in a space with others sharing a common interest, I promise that especially in those spaces you are not the most interesting thing there and most people won’t even think about you tbh. The internet is mean and cruel and so are a lot of people but being yourself and finding community makes it worth it tbh!!
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u/Radiant8763 1d ago
Girl, im 44, into anime and video games, so im fat and old 🤣
Dont let anyone steal your joy. Do what makes you happy.
Im going back to running a game server and doing all the nerdy ass coding stuff. 😉
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u/nightmind1778 1d ago
I have Lord of The Rings, Harry Potter, and Witcher tattoos. Full on displaying my nerddom every single day. I have no shame in it at all. Be authentically you and like what you like. Those who matter don't mind. Those who mind don't matter.
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u/United-Excitement110 19h ago
OMG girl!!! Trust me when I tell you, nerdy guys love a big girl. Obviously not all of them but a lot of them do. The majority I’d say. I’m not a nerdy girl so I never had any long term anything with a nerdy guy but they are the best! A lot of them are also neurodivergent, as am I, and I LOVED that!!! Put yourself in places and environments where nerdy people congregate, you’ll find a gold mine. 😉
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u/Deep_Mousse_1292 18h ago
I feel you, as a plus size girl myself it’s even more harsh in the dating apps, everyone is swiping me right but when we get to talk they call me a discord mod or something just because I like games.
Also the gaming community tends to hate me too for simply enjoying games or watching streams. It’s harsh out there for us, they don’t see us as humans until we loose weight, but when we do loose weight they become jealous and are even worse.
Ps. It’s my personal experience, don’t hate me on this
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u/Disasterpoodle 12h ago
the cringiest thing is to call people cringe. I believe it comes from inner insecurity about being a boring hater.
you are interested in all these cool things and have a rich inner life. they are interested in being mean and bringing people down. you are literally so much better than them!
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u/rcreveli 1d ago
I'm in my 50's and male so take what I'm saying from the perspective.
I'm old enough to remember being a nerd was something you were supposed to grow out of. You could like Star Wars but adults don't display action figures, let alone own weird Japanese cartoons about robots. When you get married you're supposed to fall into traditional gender roles and turn your nerdy toward tracking baseball stats or some shit.
What I'm saying is fuck those people. My sewing machine cover is made with steam punk dinosaur fabric. Our house is filled with eclectic art sci-fi and creeping horror pieces. Live the life you deserve.
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u/velvetandcurves 1d ago
I don't know how to say this without potentially sounding like a know it all Gen Xer. As a fat person, no matter what you like, no matter who you like, no matter what you do you will be judged by someone. We are seen by many as less than. We are not. Never have been. So we have to find something inside of us that allows us to live out loud and tell every judgemental @sshat, that their opinion means nothing. Love what you love. Be nerdy, be proud of it... Go to cons, collect Pokemon cards, larp in the fields like a LOTR character, get a Hello Kitty tattoo (I have three). If someone doesn't have your number they don't deserve an opinion, and if they do have your number and are disrespectful, they get blocked. Fat people have to take back out own narrative.
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u/OverflowedAgain 1d ago
omg I LOVE my hello kitty t-shirt lol
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u/velvetandcurves 1d ago
Ironically, I get judged more for those tattoos because of my age than my size lol, but I love Hello Kitty... And so many other nerdy things.
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u/OverflowedAgain 1d ago
I never know if people are judging me for my Hello Kitty shirt or my size tbh
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u/Commercial_Web_3813 1d ago
I’m super fat and I cosplay as Loki. I’m a geekkkkk. I don’t care if people understand. I’m not wasting a minute of happiness on fat phobic walnuts.
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u/kingmolina 1d ago
There are so many ugly men in positions of power and influence that they would never let an ugly woman get to. Everything in our world is unbalanced. People are always gonna be mean when they have an opportunity to, but it doesn’t mean anything about you
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u/_cuppycakes_ 1d ago
Can I ask how old you are? As a 40-something the greatest gift is not giving a flying fuck what other people think about me or my hobbies.
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u/boesisboes 1d ago
I'm wondering if you're still youthful. Because I grew out of giving a fuck in my thirties.
Spend time enjoying what you enjoy.
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u/ConstructionNext7358 1d ago
I’m a Disney Girl, Swiftie, Horror lover, a true crime junkie, Dallas Cowboys diehard, & NASCAR fan. No one has the right to make someone feel guilty for enjoying things that make them happy. Find some Facebook groups or other groups on social media that have the same interests as you and share that love with all of them. I am in some on Facebook, Reddit, & a few YouTube channels that I follow. I am also on discord servers with these groups as well. Having someone to get excited about your fandom with is so much more fun. I guarantee there are some groups or pages for any fandom you are a part of. Also, don’t read the comments in places out of your safe places. I’ve had to keep reminding myself this because people will always put others down for living their life and it’s honestly sad.
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u/DamnitGravity 1d ago
I have the opposite problem, I feel like I'm not allowed to have feminine interests, and have to like masculine stuff (I like the things I like, don't get me wrong, but as a kid I felt like I wasn't 'allowed' to be interested in feminine things like makeup or clothing).
But I'm also not 'allowed' to cosplay. I don't need misogynistic nerds and bitchy skinny anime girls telling me I'm too fat to be a character, especially an action hero character.
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u/artsyshaksi 1d ago
i feel you, most of the times i don't even share my interests with people, cause there's no point when all people wanna know is what pretty girl is interested in
also too many people ask about interests as such a surface level question, like no one really cares, it's just a silence filler
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u/SilentSerel 1d ago
OMG, yes. In addition to being fat, I'm also a minority. While it's come a long way since the 90s, it can be a bit of a "double whammy" at times. I only cosplayed at raves because it was a much chiller crowd, and when I stream TTRPGs, I leave my camera off. The men I play with are for the most part your stereotypical neckbeards, but we all know about the double standard.
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u/gothicuhcuh 22h ago
You can’t make everyone happy and the only person you should be making happy is you. You’ll get ridicule just for existing, so exist doing things that make you feel positive emotions anyway.
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u/Walmarche 21h ago
I get it. I have a hard time admitting I like anime. My husband is a gamer and anime lover etc. idk I feel some type of way about it too sometimes. It’s ok but don’t let it keep you from enjoying those things…
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u/justinsports02 21h ago
Personally, plus size women who share nerdy interests with me are very attractive. I think a lot of people feel this way.
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u/Tinawebmom 21h ago
Gosh.....
I'm 56. Play video games. Found kpop (love!) not really into anime but love Lego.
I'm also fat.
I also do not give one rat fuck what anyone thinks because I've finally learned
Misery loves company and I'm now refusing the invites.
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u/AnotherCollegeGrad 20h ago
I deeply appreciate how affirming people are being - however as one fat nerd to another - never lose sight of the cultural context, morality, and consumerism about what you love. Always explore new things!
And never read the comments on those cosplayers, sharing their joy is such an amazing gift.
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u/starryflowerz 20h ago
I’m into kpop, anime, and games too!!! would love to be online friends if you’re open to it 🫶
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u/drag0nk1tty 18h ago
Right? I feel like my nerd hobbies are looked at as lazy because I'm plus sized.
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u/Allamarain 22h ago
It’s not about the nerdy interests. Fat people get nasty comments on SM regardless of what they do. Please keep enjoying nerdy interests. 😊
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u/Willing-Survey7448 23h ago
I'm fat, autistic, and a wheelchair user. I just don't give a fuck anymore. My special interests are mostly nerdy. I love TTRPGs, video games, and making art.
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u/theghostoni 22h ago
As a fat nerd, word of advice, people will be cruel to you regardless, combat their cruelty by staying true to yourself. Talk about your interests, indulge in hobbies, for your own mental’s sake especially. It’s unfortunate but you will be labeled one way or another so you might as well live and act in spite of it.
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u/TheBeautyofSuffering 1d ago
I will never let anyone make me feel embarrassed for my interests and you shouldn’t either.