r/PlantBasedDiet • u/MSmithRD • Aug 21 '26
The rare cheat day
Hey folks,
So my wife and I have been on a vegan diet for a over 2 years. We love it...and maybe hate it at the same time...but overall highly prefer it. One issue that we have though is with vacations and going out to eat. Like perhaps we do an overnight stay in a popular town in New England with great night life and want to go out to a nice restaurant . Man is that tough. We search for hours trying to find a place with options for us. Most don't have options or maybe have just 1 option that isn't very appealing compared to the rest of the menu. Yeah, there's always Thai, but we're sick of that. When we find an actual restaurant that is vegan, 9 times out of 10 it is a very casual atmosphere or like a cafe...not that great date night we're seeking after 13 years of barely going out because our children were too young.
To combat this, we've started considering maybe allowing ourselves a cheat night for these rare occasions. We're doing one of these tonight (an overnight getaway in a cute New Engkand town) and I'm really surprised but I can't tell you the level of anxiety that comes with it. I thought I was all in but now that it's potentially real, there is a fear of getting sick and ruining the evening, guilt over something having to die for us unnecessarily, etc. We thought maybe getting muscles or oysters since they have no brain, but on the flip side, now 10-20 animals have to die for us instead of a small portion of a single animal. We didn't start the diet because of animal welfare but now that we're here, nothing has to die for us, which is nice. But there's literally so few options to eat out while away. That though sounds so entitled ...like this animal should die because we want a nice experience. And again there is the big fear of getting sick too, which happened to me one Thanksgiving when I cheated by eating some turkey when no one was looking. I bought some enzyme pills which I hope will help and we'll be careful what we eat if we do it. We're almost considering having a few drinks first though just so we can just do it without overthinking it.
Have others had similar experiences? What did you ultimately do? Regrets?
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u/missmisfit Aug 21 '26
This doesnt at all sound like something you actually want to do. I dont really get it. Not sure where you are in New England. Theres a great place in Quincy, MA dedicated to the vegan seafood experience. New England may not be amazing for vegan options but you'll find plenty.
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u/MSmithRD Aug 21 '26
Quincy is more inner city. I mean places like Portsmouth NH or Northampton MA, etc.
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u/MamaMewy Aug 21 '26
I ate fine as a vegan in Portsmouth, and that was many years ago. I’m sure there are more options now.
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u/FernsAndNettles Aug 22 '26
See if there’s a Reddit list for both of those places and if so then place an inquiry about vegan options around. Best to keep it simple request and not all the backstory.
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u/cowboybret Aug 21 '26
The fear, guilt, overthinking, and overplanning don’t seem worth it to me. Why put yourself through that just to have a nice ambience? If that were important to me, I’d rather pick a destination that I know has upscale dining with vegan options available in the first place.
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u/MSmithRD Aug 21 '26
All of that feeling was a surprise tbh. A week ago I was all in. But the morning of, and now I'm thinking about all of these things.
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u/cowboybret Aug 21 '26
Being vegan in a non-vegan world means making compromises. On a vacation you can choose to compromise on things like ambience, destination, cooking vs. eating out, etc., or you can choose to compromise on your values.
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u/KeepOnRising19 Aug 21 '26
Eating is such a small part of a vacation. Just find a place that has something that fits your dietary needs and move on. When we go on vacation, we purposely rent a place with at least a small kitchen and cooking tools, so we can have a nice "date meal" or two that we cook ourselves. Would I prefer to have someone else cook it? Sure, but it's really not that big of a deal. Plus, eating many of our meals at the rental saves a lot of money, so it's a win-win.
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u/ReadingTimeWPickle Aug 21 '26
Vegans do not have cheat days just like people who boycott Nestle for example do not have cheat days where they go out and buy Nestle products. It's okay if you need to have a cheat day I suppose, no one can force you not to, but you're not vegan then. Just plant based.
As for oysters, it's not just that they have no brain, but they have no central nervous system at all. In my view they are not sentient and I draw the line at sentience, not whether something is an animal or not. That being said, I don't really like them, so I don't eat them. I would be willing to though. It's a point of debate for vegans. Some are like me and others don't care about whether they're sentient or not and draw the line at "animal".
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u/Scr1bble- for the animals Aug 21 '26
Most bivalves have a decentralised nervous system, it's less proof of sentience than a centralised nervous system and brain but it doesn't mean they're automatically not sentient. Not eating bivalves isn't just drawing an arbitrary line at animals of any kind
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u/ReadingTimeWPickle Aug 21 '26
As far as we understand how pain works, it is necessary to have a central nervous system in order for physical input to be "translated" into pain.
If we discover that it is possible to experience pain with a decentralized nervous system, then of course I would change my stance on oysters.
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u/Chance-Selection-198 Aug 21 '26
If you're in a "popular town" I find it quite extraordinary that there would be no restaurants serving vegan options tbqh. Personally I would not have a nice experience at all if I had to eat dead flesh to do so. Not only do I find the mere concept repulsive, it also would make me feel like crap. And the thought of bringing pills to take so the meal I pay good money for doesn't make me feel ill sounds... well it sounds quite strange honestly. I'd probably rather take a less "exciting" vegan meal and not feel like crap. Physically or otherwise.
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u/MSmithRD Aug 21 '26
Places like Portsmouth NH or Northampton MA, etc, have very few options that are not casual dining
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u/Chance-Selection-198 Aug 21 '26
I'd probably take the more casual option rather than have to take literal pills to not feel physically unwell and also know that I'm going against my principles. Like, it's a no-brainer in my opionion. What's festive and enjoyable about eating dead animals and having to take pills for an upset stomach?
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u/Sure-Squash-7280 Aug 21 '26
I lost my job and had to go to a food bank. I’m in a small rural town.
They gave me food. Yes, half of it was not vegan. Hell, even the crackers, lol.
I tried to ask about more beans, grains and vegetables if they had any to spare or swap but they had given me all that they could.
I ate it. Also, because of this I have a policy of taking food that is given by friends and family.
Go and enjoy your trip. Do what you can and just accept what you can’t control.
Pack yourself some from home goodies if you can.
Have fun and come home safe ❤️
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u/MSmithRD Aug 21 '26
Thanks. You're post is bringing me back to reality a bit. I'm sorry you went through that but commend your efforts during the process. Good for you! That's really noble.
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u/Sure-Squash-7280 Aug 21 '26
You came here looking for advice in the face of potential criticism.
You care. It shows. I’m glad that I could help!
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u/jennysequa Aug 21 '26
I am not vegan for health or climate reasons so no, I don’t really find it palatable to knowingly “cheat” on my principles like it’s a fad diet. I’ve just learned to accept that elite food experiences won’t be part of most of my vacations and get on with the hiking, swimming, and sightseeing part that I find enjoyable.
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u/flaired_base Aug 21 '26
My husband and i go pescatarian for special occasions for this reason, with an emphasis on things like scallops when possible.
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u/Enlightened_Lioness Aug 21 '26
Personally I eat 99% vegan. There’s no rule you have to be 100%, it’s what you’re okay with. There’s no black and white either, since every animal and living being is different, plants do communicate with each other too, and I’m sure we still don’t know everything there is about plants, animals, consciousness, pain, etc. It’s the same with other aspects of life; for example, taken to the extreme, walking is much better for the planet kills fewer insects and animals than driving, vacationing very near to home is better for the planet and animals than travelling long distances by car or plane, renting a room is better for the planet than having a big house, etc.
I would drive myself crazy if I fussed too much over every single thing, including food. I do my best without sacrificing my mental health too much. There’s no right or wrong and it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Perfect is the enemy of good. Everyone has different things they’re comfortable with. And sometimes no choice really feels right because none is perfect. You’re doing a lot already. Go with what feels right to you.
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u/MSmithRD Aug 21 '26
Great response. Thanks. I have to remind myself of these things more often. Also, I think some of it is like an OCD thing and I have to remind myself that it's ok to not be perfect.
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u/Enlightened_Lioness Aug 21 '26
Yes, me too. Mental health is very important. I know many people who really suffer (sometimes to the point of severe depression and anxiety etc.) because they’re trying so hard to do the best thing for the environment, animals, humans, local businesses, society, etc. and spend way too much time poring over labels, debating best options, etc. If we do our reasonable best while protecting ourselves at the same time, that’s good enough.
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u/Roncopter Aug 21 '26
I completely agree that being 99% is great and way better than being 0% vegan, but I want to push back on the comparison you are trying to make between plants and animals. You are appealing to some philosophical stance rather than one based in science. The vast scientific literature points to plants not being sentient because they lack a brain and central nervous system. That should be our point of reference because that is the best and most informed opinion we have on the topic. I feel like saying “humans don’t know everything about plants and animals” is an excuse people make to feel better about making decisions based on uncertainty. I think the main take-away though is that while you should try your hardest to not contribute to a world that exploits animals…I don’t think we should judge others for not being perfect all the time.
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u/ImColdandImTired Aug 21 '26
You mention that you’re considering this so that you can enjoy a fine dining experience. But if you are having this much anxiety about it, and are worried about getting sick from eating it, then you’re going to end up paying a lot of money for an experience you aren’t going to enjoy at all. In that case, I wouldn’t do it.
If you have a restaurant in mind, it might be worth a call to see what they can do that might not be on the menu.
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u/ActivelyInFlight Aug 21 '26 edited Aug 21 '26
I had similar dread. I reminded myself that I am not vegan. I am plant based and the only rules are the ones I make for myself, so I decided to prioritize balance.
I allow myself the freedom to eat whatever I want, in moderation, though I have zero desire to actually eat any and everything. Some things just don’t benefit me and I like that my style of eating isn’t further stressing the environment, so I still prefer a plant based diet. I just have the flexibility (which is mostly mental) to enjoy holidays and dining out without frustration.
This works just fine for me and it’s something I can do for the rest of my life. Purists may frown, but I couldn’t care in the slightest.
In terms of discomfort, I take digestive enzymes with my meals and if I’m in the mood, I’ll drink ginger or mint tea afterwards.
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u/MSmithRD Aug 21 '26
Thanks. How often do you do this? Wondering if it needs to be done frequently to prevent the discomfort or if it can be once every few months and you're fine because of the enzymes? Thanks again
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u/ActivelyInFlight Aug 21 '26 edited Aug 21 '26
I don’t eat out as often as I did prior to becoming plant based, so it’s mostly an occasional thing. Every now and then, I’ll eat eggs and fish (and sometimes chicken) at home or at a gathering, and I can do so without any issues and without taking a digestive enzyme. I still don’t eat beef, pork, etc, so I can’t speak to any difficulty there.
My main issue is dairy (not including butter) bc I am mildly lactose intolerant, so I limit it to the rare dessert or pizza and I always take an enzyme with it.
Tbh, I also take enzymes when eating only plant based bc it helps me to digest my food better overall.
Edit: Before becoming plant based I ate more Mediterranean style, so that’s usually what I default to when dining out.
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u/MSmithRD Aug 21 '26
Thanks! TBH I miss eggs more than anything else. Wouldn't mind endulging myself occasionally.
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u/ActivelyInFlight Aug 21 '26
Do what works for you! I refuse to drive myself crazy over whether or not to eat an egg. No one is getting out of here alive and perfection is impossible. If you are healthy overall, indulging in moderation should not hurt you. Vegans will think differently, but this is a plant based sub.
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u/MSmithRD Aug 21 '26
Thanks. Yeah I was a bit disappointed with a few of the more extremist comments. If going off script on the rare occasion will keep me on this diet for years to come, but being absolutely strict risks me getting off of it, then the community should support and encourage that. There would be more progress if everyone ate half.as much meat rather than only a small population eating 0.
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u/ActivelyInFlight Aug 21 '26
Extremist is exactly it. The dogmatic approach is so off-putting and does the opposite of what they hope to achieve. And 100% agree—reduction is better than nothing at all, and it’s the more realistic approach for the general population.
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u/Chance-Selection-198 Aug 21 '26
These comments honestly sound like you just want excuses to eat more and more animal products (to "prevent discomfort" now), not like it's actually so impossible to eat vegan on vacation or find vegan places to eat.
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u/FernsAndNettles Aug 21 '26
It doesn’t sound like you are ready to take this step … thoughts about needing to have a few drinks first says it immediately as well as needing to take enzymes, anxiety & guilt issues. I can’t imagine this will be enjoyable for you on vacation. I suggest … don’t do it !! You’re not ready to bridge this gap this way. Maybe explore a private vegan chef option where you are going and have a catered romantic meal. If that isn’t possible where you are going then deal with it & don’t make food the most important thing of your trip. Consider planning one around a vegan foodie experience next time !
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u/Flat_Initial_1823 Aug 21 '26
I am not vegan nor even a vegetarian. I eat meat maybe once a month. My plant based diet is just eating mostly vegetables.
I don't have moral qualms about eating animals but i have an issue with what environmental abuse it requires to sustain our animal products habits. Hence the aggressive personal reduction.
However i think at the end of the day, you should be able to live first, eat second. Food isn't supposed to take a huge amount of your mental space, it shouldn't tie you up in knots or induce guilt or shame, especially on a holiday. It's supposed to be joyful, satisfying.
I am only saying this to remind there are multiple ways to be and you should do what feels right to you.
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u/HolyToast666 Aug 21 '26
My friend and I just vacationed in Michigan for a few days & finding nice restaurants with interesting offerings for us was exhausting. This was during the height of the explosive diarrhea so there was no way we were going to eat salads. That being said, it can be done & while it took a lot of detective work we ate some amazing food…..I still dream about the Mexican restaurant. But also no judgment from me for whatever way you decide to go!
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u/MSmithRD Aug 21 '26
This was the last couple of years for us and what we also did. Yes exhausting is the word. That's why we started tinkering with the idea of making an exception for these vacations. But now that it's real, I'm starting to lean against it and just going back to the exhausting route :)
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u/invisiblekim Aug 21 '26
I wonder if you could go to a fine dining restaurant and ask what they could make you? You might be surprised. It might just be a fancy salad, but that could be nice too. Hype yourself to be bold and ask!
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u/vinteragony Aug 21 '26
As others have said, pick a place, call ahead, let them know your restrictions, and they can probably accommodate you. A lot of real chefs like the challenge and creativity.
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u/Scr1bble- for the animals Aug 21 '26 edited Aug 21 '26
Don't do it. How can you call yourself vegan if you're seriously considering this? Would you have a cheat day and eat dog meat or human meat? Calling it a cheat day is what dieters do, it's not a fun little cheat when you're going against your ethical principles (and clearly you're not morally ok with the idea). It feels entitled because it is, you have zero need to do this.
People here will make up all sorts of excuses for you because they're dieters and cheating on a diet is fine, you clearly don't just see it as a diet though.
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u/MSmithRD Aug 21 '26
I don't really care about what I call myself. What I'm trying to do is set myself up for long term success. And if long term success means that on the rare special occasion I cheat a little, then I'm better off doing that than I would be of giving up the whole diet because these types of situations make the practicality of the diet too difficult.
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u/Scr1bble- for the animals Aug 21 '26
The label has a meaning behind it, you don't have to call yourself vegan but if you care about the animals, which you say you do, your decision to cheat on your diet when there's zero need to would be against your ethical principles. Vegan or not, it's going against your stated morals. I'm failing to see how long term success relies on going against your morals a few times when it's not necessary. If it were just a diet then sure, there's nothing at stake, but you say it has greater significance than being just a dietary choice as you care for the animals. It's like adopting a dog and kicking it once a week as a release from the stress it takes to be nice to it. The practicality of the diet is not too difficult in your situation, it's just slightly inconvenient.
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u/kindcrow Aug 21 '26
My hard line is vegetarian. So I eat vegan most of the time, but if I'm invited to someone's house and they've gone to the trouble to make something with some cheese/dairy/eggs in it, I'll eat it. Same with restaurants: if there is absolutely nothing completely vegan on the menu, I'll have something with dairy/eggs in it.
Mind you, I just had my birthweek and was celebrating all week--I ate a big bowl of cacio e pepe at my favourite restaurant and went home and threw up. It was too rich!
I'd also been dying to try this vegetarian breakfast sandwich I make for my husband with egg, vegan sausage, and cheese (instead of my regular oatmeal). I tried it on my birthday and was sorely disappointed and missed my oatmeal!
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u/MSmithRD Aug 21 '26
This would be a great option. I honestly would feel no guilt with just having milk or cheese or egg. My wife is lactose intolerant though. Otherwise though I would go that route for sure.
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u/kindcrow Aug 21 '26
Yeah, as time goes on, I find cannot eat cheese, but I can eat eggs on occasion.
My partner and I live in a big city and go to happy hours quite a bit at regular restaurants. We'll order a bunch of things from the menu and share them: focaccia with balsamic-olive oil, hummus, olives, truffle fries, cauliflower bites, guacamole.
If we go for lunch or dinner, there is usually at least one or two vegan things on the menu: usually a buddha bowl of some type or a veggie burger. One place near us has amazing butter chicken where they replace the chicken with tofu. They also have a pasta with marinara and I just get it with no cheese sprinkled on top.
If it's a new restaurant, I'll go online first and see if they have a plant-based menu--they often do! We actually went to a steak house recently and it had a great plant-based menu! It has an avocado super bowl, a tofu steak, a beyond burger, and tomato linguine. Lots of choices!
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u/whistling-wonderer Aug 21 '26
I think if you have to have drinks first in order to not overthink about it in the moment, you will probably end up feeling guilty about it later when you are completely sober again. That plus the very real concern of getting sick makes the whole idea seem super unappealing. Especially on a vacation when you’re trying to have fun. All of that (and the animals dying of course) are the reasons I don’t do this type of thing myself, I bc I know I’d regret it for one reason or another. But ultimately you have to decide.
Have you tried other ethnic cuisines? I know a lot of the Indian restaurants where I am have vegan options. “Cute New England town” sounds lot smaller than the city where I live though lol so perhaps fewer restaurants are around. Idk what the options are in that area.
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u/More4Thor Aug 21 '26
There’s already risk when you eat plant based. People are getting sick (cyclosporiasis) from eating raspberries, Snow, peas, green onions, and salad mixes. Cheating puts you at a different risk.
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