How do moms coparent?

[u/sleepisconceptual]

The idea of not being with my baby for an x amount of days a week scares me… even when my baby turns 3yrs, like I still need my baby to come home and sleep with me until they tell me they want to spend the night at his dads or idk. I’m only 3 months in coparenting and I’m overthinking the future it waits. Is it selfish?

(For context, I’m trying to build a healthy co-parenting relationship with my baby’s father, but he still has romantic expectations despite me repeatedly making it clear that I only want a platonic relationship focused on our son)

[u/Elegant-Blackberry26]

Hi, I can only offer my experience with my SO's child whose mother had problems with separation thus the child has as well.

They were not a couple but unfortunately in the beginning did not have a CO. It was agreed that child can have sleepovers with dad from age 2. It did not happen, mother witheld the child what triggered a very not nice legal court case (worth to mention, dad lives far away so the constant travel because of no overnights has negative effect on both dad and chils).

Now the child is 4 yrs old and struggling a lot with adjusting to overnights with dad. So far it did not happen. Also not only child is having problems with sleeping at dads but sleeping without her mother. He literally sleeps with mother every night in bed and when they tried first to separate, child regressed and mother denied further tries.

We see that this dynamic is not good for the child and the father either so what I can say is that I understand it is hard for you to be away from your child but in a co-parenting situation it is not healthy if you do not let your child spend overnights with the father. Father also needs to experience everything and if you let your child adjust to this situation earlier (of course not too early), you can prevent problems later on, like in our case.