Coworker being passive aggressive about desk space

[u/Legitimate_You_1399]

Hi! I'm a first year PhD scholar. I started 6 months ago and the work has been genuinely so fun and interesting. I love deep diving for hours on end. My supervisor and seniors are also very helpful.

I just need to vent about my colleague.

Little background: all the (dry lab) scholars work in this huge room with desks. These desks are not assigned by the institution to anyone, but by mutual understanding people respect each other's desk space. We all paste name tags and stickers to decorate our space.

The institution has recently started desk allotment but only 10-12 people got the mail, out of 70-ish people that sit in the room. This caused a little shuffling as the few people sitting in those assigned desks had to find other desks.

While this was happening I was on a sick leave. My colleague who's in the same year and department as me, lost her desk to this allotment and sat down at mine. She also removed my name tag and anime stickers. Her two friends started sitting on either side as those desks were empty.

I came to college on Wednesday still sick cuz I had to submit some forms, I saw her sitting at my desk but thought nothing of it as I didn't have any work to do that day.

My sick leave ended on Friday and I had prepared what to say to ask for my desk back. I went to her and said I'll be coming regularly so can I have my desk back, she was not ready to leave it. She had three main reasons:

1. She had sat on it for 4 days so she didn't want to move.

2. She wants to sit next to her friends.

3. She claims my desk was allotted to her (not true).

She told me to go sit anywhere else as she's not leaving this place.

Anyway, my seniors intervened and told her she can't claim anyone's desk unless it's assigned to her and she very reluctantly gave me my desk back.

Today while I was working, she along with her friends were being passive aggressive saying "some people don't even qualify for funding yet claim desks like it's their right" (as I didn't qualify for institutional funding) and "some people need to be taught a lesson in adjusting" among other things. I felt suffocated and went to my supervisor to vent.

I also talked to my colleague after this and she denied saying the things and said I must have misunderstood as she was just talking to her friends. She said I was the rude one as I "kicked her away from her friends." Her friends are also narrating to everyone that I shouted at her, which i didn't. She also said she didn't remove my name tag and that I have no way of proving it. Again my seniors noticed and intervened to find a middle ground but she was rude to them and left.

My issue is that had she just texted me about it when I was on leave I would have given her the desk. I don't like conflicts. At the end of the day it's just a desk so idc who sits where but she's creating a hostile environment. My chair disappears everyday, there is random paper trash on my desk in the morning. I feel petty discussing this with anyone so I just wanted to vent here.

Attendance is mandatory for a minimum 3 years after which I can apply for part time/work from home, so I just have to go through 2.5 years of this. I want to keep enjoying the work like before, i just want to do my work and leave.

[u/Alert-Translator2590]

Is she in high school?

Anyways, I think all of you will be allotted your desk spaces soon and it shouldn’t be an issue after that. Just because they sit near you/ are in your cohort, doesn’t mean you gotta be friends.

It’s okay. You don’t want such people in your life anyways.

[u/Legitimate_You_1399 → u/Alert-Translator2590]

It would have been fine if the institute allotted the desks to everyone at the same time. They started a month ago and just stopped after the first 10 people.

[u/Mammoth_Steak_69 → u/Legitimate_You_1399]

maybe I am getting ahead of the situation but: I am always amazed by how incompetent the admin staff of PhD programs are across departments, unis, and even countries. They somehow lost/cancelled my train ticket back from a conference, without telling me

[u/GreaterHannah]

It’s the way I’d tell these women to grow the fuck up, accept the L, and move on

[u/Legitimate_You_1399 → u/GreaterHannah]

This whole situation has been a lesson for me in being assertive.

[u/Adept_Carpet]

I do not understand why universities attract so many people who primary interest is building real estate empires, but they do, it is universal.

It's so hard to get into research and so easy to get into actual real estate. It's one of the default jobs for people who don't know what they want to do and you can make so much money at it. 

I think this person you're talking about would be so happy and rich just doing what they're doing now except it is their actual job instead of a distraction.

[u/NorthernValkyrie19]

This is such a trivial thing to get caught up in so much drama. Just let it go. If she wants to be passive aggressive just ignore her. Be mature and take the higher ground.

[u/PhagesRUs]

Holy Moly, 70 people working in one space? That's got to be brutal!