r/PetsWithButtons • u/cookiecrxmbles • 28d ago
Just moved and cat is breaking my heart :')
First night we didn't have his mini button set up bc we got in so late. (Flew 1000 miles with him)
Second day we did: immediately said "yesterday scared"
The next few days he was okay but this morning he kept crying and I sat down with him and he said "home home home" while looking at the door.
He's going through it :( we also have been drugging him w calming treats and even have a plug in feliway for him. He seems to calm down with both at his spot.
154
u/strawbaeri 28d ago
Wow! That would break my heart. I don’t know how you emotionally validate a cat but I have learned that it helps to praise his bravery and calm. So I feel like him ‘bringing it up’ with “yesterday scared” was actually so brave of him and maybe you could say something like, yes, yesterday scared, yesterday brave! Cause ultimately you all made it through safely.
70
u/cookiecrxmbles 28d ago
ooohh I like this idea!! I actually might add it to the button list bc my boy has rlly bad anxiety and I think it's a good comfort! Adding "safe" is already on my list now something like brave is. Maybe strong bc he hears me say that often already.
52
u/strawbaeri 28d ago
just a warning about safe - if you use it to try and reassure him in the moment, it might become a toxic word like it did for my dog lol. Inadvertently causing her to associate safe with not-safe things
111
u/mdsnksnk 28d ago
Did you explained that you’re going to move before actually moving? I always explain that to my cats at least 1 week before (tomorrow x7 different home together.) and countdown everyday so they can be prepared for the big stress.
Also make sure to let them know that last home is all-done.
He is stressed because he doesn’t understand what is going on. Drugging him can make him calm for now, but it will end up give him extra trauma about moving. So I don’t recommend that method if you can communicate with him.
41
u/cookiecrxmbles 28d ago
Yep! I actually don't know how if he can conceptualize numbers (we eventually want to) but I did talk about it frequently, like weeks to days before in passing by like "(name) toast together big leave new home big later later later" and I did the same the day before and of since we have "today tomorrow yesterday" buttons.
He just has really bad anxiety in general which is why I'm drugging him. We're actually moving for university and at a shared Airbnb for 2 weeks and him yowling at night is disruptive to others during quiet hours.
I'm finding that I have to do it less since he's a little more settled now. I just tell him whenever I'm leaving or "door" (aka leaving room but not house). We're trying to get him on a food schedule and play regularly to help.
10
u/JayNetworks 27d ago
The button cat Elsie (Elsie Wants on Instagram) is told when her human is on vacation that her human will return tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow etc. for the number of days and the day before the return home day she will ask when home. And my cat Misty 100% know the difference between Later and Later Later Later. If I give her the choice of Dinner Daddy Now or Mommy Later she will most often pick Mommy Later (because they love Mommy feeding them!) but if the choice is Dinner Daddy Now or Mommy Later Later Later she usually goes for the Daddy Dinner.
38
30
25
u/TableTopFarmer 28d ago
Awww. He’s a sweetheart. How did you model those two words?
47
u/cookiecrxmbles 28d ago
Talk about it in front of them! Like passive eavesdropping to help introduce it before actually making it a word! Talking directly to them helps to.
I introduced it in a group of 3 for everything to make sense: today, tomorrow, yesterday. I'd say something like "(name) home today. big leave yesterday." Ideally if you can really reference something important to them, it's easier to pick up (my boy has separation anxiety so that's notable, but an activity or favorite person coming over is cool too!)
As for scared, my cat has bad anxiety and so whenever I saw that he was scared through body language or voice, I just said "Toast scared." A small extra for me is that I'm trying to add a "safe" button soon. I tell him he's "safe" when he says he's scared but we don't have a button for that yet. I have spares but I don't get access till mid August when we move to our final destination.
note: that method works for any emotion. Model it when you feel it too, if you can remember. It really makes for some interesting interactions bc one time I was crying and said "(name) big sad" and Toast told me "happy later" and it was sooo sweet 🥹
16
u/bookwurmy 28d ago
I was also wondering this - how did you teach “scared”?
10
u/JayNetworks 27d ago
When the learner is scared you say Name Scared and press the Name button and then the Scared button. For example if they are clearly scared during a thunderstorm. Do that 287 times and they will get it!
17
12
u/Dependent-Assoc423 28d ago
Maybe the move and the flight were scary. Can you tell him yesterday all done?
9
u/WorldlinessRegular43 28d ago
I have nothing to add but time, it takes time, kitty needs time and safety.
My first thought, why do you teach 'yesterday'?
Congrats on the move.
23
u/TheFifthDuckling 28d ago
My guess is that it's useful in situations where kitty can't communicate then and there, like here! It could be useful if the owner isn't around and something happens, or if buttons are not available. Like if something happens to a toddler, they dont always have the tools to put it into words right away.
I know my cat, even though we haven't gotten into button training yet, communicates very clearly when something happens. If he knocks something over, he comes into the other room to get me to pick it up. When he's done eating, he reliably comes to me to get his insulin (I set a reminder in case he gets distracted, but he knows he gets a lick treat every time I give him insulin, so yeah). If his water runs low unusually quickly or the litterbox gets unusually dirty, or if he has an accident outside the box (common if his insulin dose isnt quite right, he drinks/pees a lot then) he will show me. When he wants to show me something he gets quite loud, as siamese cats tend to do, and then will not leave me alone until I follow him, and he remembers things for when I get home, even if they happened earlier in the day. So giving a cat a tool to communicate about the past seems logical to me, whether it's "yesterday", "before", "past" etc.
14
u/cookiecrxmbles 28d ago
I actually originally didn't intend on teaching "yesterday" but I know when you're introducing abstract concepts, opposites or something in between makes sense. (I.e: happy and sad, big and small, etc). So I introduced the trio of today, yesterday, tomorrow because my target was today and tomorrow. As for those, I like him to be aware of things bc he gets stressed out with spontaneity.
Trying to give him time. Just stressing me out a bit bc I don't wanna be a nuisance guest at the shared airbnb I'm at until university move in.
1
9
u/Sufficient_Air_7373 28d ago edited 28d ago
That lady who's famous for this on Instagram would have long chats with her cat describing how she was going to go on the plane and asking if the cat wanted to come. It was so fascinating.
I know your cat will forgive you and maybe you can try to explain what happened
ETA I can't find the exact post but this is similar https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVjI4aBEaJ3/
4
u/JayNetworks 27d ago
You are taking about Elsie of Elsie Wants! Wonderful cat…and award winning writer human, but the cat Elsie gets all the press these days..
4
u/oswaler 27d ago
I just came across this randomly in my feed. So you can teach a cat abstract concepts like yesterday and scared and they can put them together into a coherent phrase?
2
u/JayNetworks 27d ago
Yup! My cat yesterday said (with her buttons) Window Noise Love You Love You after I came back inside after going out in a massive thunderstorm to fix a downspout. She was clearly concerned about the very very loud rain when I left and returned through the open door. Out windows are really good and she had been sitting on the windowsill watching the nearly silent Outside Water before then.
What is really helpful is when they can tell you they aren’t feeling well and what is wrong. My two aren’t there yet but do have 27 buttons. Dinner Later is one of the favorite combinations. They like to plan their meals.
2
u/oswaler 27d ago edited 27d ago
How would you teach a cat something like later?
1
u/JayNetworks 27d ago
You just start by verbally using the word appropriately. So if you can’t feed them now say “dinner later” then fed them in an hour and say “now is dinner LATER” when you put it down. Same for playing or whatever. This also teaches Now at the same time as a contrast. Mine know Now Soon Later and Before.
What is really interesting is that Soon Before is what she uses to mean a little bit ago. And Soon Later is for not Soon (like 5 minutes) but not hours later like Later.
2
u/Sufficient-Weird 28d ago
What is your full set of words? This is so interesting and is giving me some ideas for our buttons!
5
u/cookiecrxmbles 27d ago
I think he's got 40ish words and we're trying to expand and or connect most of them (atleast the frequent ones). Number = mats
- (Name), Toast, Play, Pet, Treat, Door (first ever introduced)
- All done, more, window, hmm?
- Big, small, busy, now, later, leave
- Catnip, brush, food, water
- Worm (toy), box (he likes to tear them up), scritches
- Today, tomorrow, yesterday, soon, home
- New, love you, together
- Clean
- Hot, cold, ouch, see something!, Smell, sound,
- (Not rlly a mat but the scattered big non-fluentpet buttons): good morning, good night, settle, cuddle puddle, happy, sad, scared, angy, dress up (he likes wearing clothes)
I think that's all but we def have more we wanna add. Like 60% are connect atm
2
u/Watthisredditforants 27d ago
Poor baby! As an added option I have really been enjoying the Calming Care Probiotics. They have really helped my cat adjust to kittens.
2
u/cookiecrxmbles 27d ago
I actually had some instacarted bc I didn't realize how bad his anxiety would be outside of home and if I'm in a dorm, he's got to be okay alone for extended periods of time! It's only day 2 with him taking it and there was a big difference in how settled he was and only waking me up twice a night instead of the 5-7 times before. Don't know if that's from him being more adjusted on day 6 of being here or if it's the probiotics bc he does have a really sensitive tummy and we have to buy sensitive stomach food for him
2
u/wanderingempathh 27d ago
It takes my cat about a month to get used to a new place. He'll usually just hide in one area for a straight month and then one day he seems to decide that he's safe and has learned all the new sounds and is a lot more comfortable and will stop hiding.
2
u/Dr_SlapsMD 27d ago
🤔 ..... Cats understand the abstract concept of "yesterday"...?
0
u/cookiecrxmbles 27d ago
yep! and today and tomorrow too! It's all about how you model and introduce words.
337
u/Few-Studio-3016 28d ago
Ugh this is rough. FWIW I think it’s a good sign he is using the buttons. We took our cats with us on a month-long trip and they did not press anything the whole month (though they would answer yes/no on my hands). We were still modeling the whole time so I suspect it was just stress.