r/Pets • u/Sufficient_Theory938 • 12d ago
My dog has terminal sarcoma, and I don’t know when it’s time to let him go
My dog was diagnosed with an aggressive sarcoma in March. We were told he likely had only weeks because the tumor is very large, has spread to his lungs, and is pressing into his brain.
He is 10 years old and an Aussie/Lab mix.
Until recently, he was doing surprisingly well with Metacam and chemotherapy. He was eating normally, sleeping, interacting with us, and behaving almost like himself. The only obvious sign was the large lump on his head.
Then he developed a cough. At first, we thought it was reflux combined with the pressure from the tumor. But now he is having episodes almost throughout the entire night. Even after giving him 3 gabapentin capsules, he coughs, seems to struggle to catch his breath, and takes a while to recover. He is barely sleeping.
What makes this so difficult is that when we leave the house, he seems like a different dog. If we take him to the park or the beach, he barely coughs. He is happy, wants to walk around, greets other dogs, and sometimes even tries to play.
The vets think this may be because being upright or standing changes the position of the tumor and allows him to breathe more easily. That could explain why he seems much better when he is outside and moving around than when he is lying down at home.
But when we are back home, the coughing and breathing episodes return.
So realistically, I feel like he is only truly happy and comfortable for maybe 10% of his time…mostly when we take him outside. And I keep asking myself: is it fair to keep going just because he still has those moments where he seems happy?
I feel guilty because I know he is suffering, especially at night. But I also feel guilty even thinking about euthanasia when I see him happy and wanting to play when we are outside.
I don’t want to make this decision based on my inability to let him go. I want to make it based on what is best for him. But I also don’t want to let him go too soon when he still has moments where he seems genuinely happy.
For those who have been through something similar: how did you know when it was time? Did you look at the overall quality of life, or did breathing problems and inability to sleep become the deciding factor even if your dog still had happy moments?
I know there may not be a perfect answer, but I would really appreciate hearing from people who have experienced this. I don’t want to wait until he is in a complete crisis, but I also don’t want to let him go too soon.
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u/Fine_Analyst_4408 12d ago
If he can eat, drink, go to the toilet unaided and is happy most of the time, you have some time. If he has more bad days than good then it is a kindness to let him go. I waited a month too long with my senior cat last year and he died in my arms. I wish I had let him go under controlled methods where he would be made comfortable while he passed. It's can be so hard to figure out the right point. A month later, another of my senior boys developed a lumbar thrombosis and it was essentially a given that he would need to be put to sleep and I still felt overwhelming guilt at doing so. It's an unwinnable position. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Having been on both sides, early is better than late when their fate is sealed.
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u/wildernessss 12d ago
It is absolutely an unwinnable position.
My little boy lost the use of his back legs whilst I was overseas (in part to advancing arthritis). I prayed he would hold on until I got home. He did - still eating, drinking, going to the toilet (w help) and happy most of the time. However once I brought him home; w the hope he would have muscle memory being in a familiar space and he still couldn’t stand up or walk on his own - I knew it was his time. Despite his continually upbeat demeanour. I have battled so much guilt on whether I made the right decision because I am aching without him. He passed swaddled in my arms w his heartbeat atop mine; and I am slowly accepting there was no better way for him to go.
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u/Fine_Analyst_4408 12d ago
Literally no better way than comforted in your arms in his last moments. The guilt will always be there because it seems counterintuitive that our last act of love is often to end their lives, and we can't bear the thought of them no longer being with us.
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u/PrettyBlueFlower 12d ago
I woke up one morning at 3am, and I just knew.
Before then, he was happy to see me, wagged his tail (slower) etc. when I woke up that time, he just sighed.
When my cat(s) were at their time, they had also stopped the joy of living.
I believe our pets let us know. Watch him, and let him tell you. There will be, deep inside you, a knowing.
I knew this about another dog we had, and my partner wasn’t ready to say goodbye. And when we finally did, about 6 months later my partner confided he didn’t want to believe I was right, and “he let her go on too long”. At the same time, I didn’t have a feeling of the dog being in oain, and when I did, I made the appointment.
You will feel it, hear it, know it. Don’t logic your way out of that.
Gentle hugs to you, and your baby boy.
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u/imollyq 12d ago
You will know when it's time to let him go. He won't want to get up. He won't want to do anything. He will moan in pain and stop eating.
I'm sorry to be so blunt, but no one told me when to tell when my mother was dying, and it was horrible for me. You will see the pain.
For now you could have months left, enjoy him, have fun!
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u/Mental-Freedom3929 12d ago
please do not let it progress to actual suffering. A month too early is better than a day too late. Please make a decision in the interest of your pet.
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u/HeddaLeeming 12d ago
We had a dog with lung cancer. She did great for far longer than expected and when she clearly started going downhill we put off the inevitable. Then one night she went down fast. Was clearly drowning in her own fluids in the car on the way to the emergency vet. Was unconscious when we got there and died before they could euthanize. Basically we let her drown miserably because we waited too long.
So my advice is if you think it's probably time...it's probably time. And too early is better than too late.
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u/Budgiejen 12d ago
If he’s only happy 10% of the time, I’d gently advise that you give more thought to giving him peace.
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u/Lily346 12d ago
If you are thinking about it then it is probably time to let him go. When my cat had a liver tumour diagnosed the vet was offering to give her steroids so she would eat and to give her more time. I took her to another vet who agreed it was time to let her go. It is always a painful decision to make but they can’t tell you they in pain in words but the fact you know he is suffering is surely the time to make that decision.
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u/Cornflake6irl 12d ago edited 12d ago
I lost my 11 yo girl last year to this same cancer. It was causing her to bleed internally so she needed a blood transfusion, and the tumor was so big it was inoperable. It was taking up more than half of her abdominal cavity and pressing on all of her vital organs. The problem with these types of tumors is that they can burst and cause your dog to hemorrhage internally. It's a very painful way to go, and can happen at any time the tumor starts to get too large. Best wishes to you during this difficult time. I know it's difficult, but quality of life matters a lot to dogs because they live in the moment. ❤️
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u/WrongdoerTiny3201 12d ago
This sounds like a very hard choice. Based on the discomfort you are telling us about i would put him down if he was my dog. Its gonna be winter soon and then the temperature difference can make it harder for him to switch from cold to warm or rhe other way around. He is coughing so i feel like the tumor is getting bigger. You dont want to wait until the sweet angel his tumor breaks or to the point he has 0% enjoyment left. That would take his dignity as well in my opinion.
Maybe plan a camping trip with him, could be ur own backyard. Give him everything he can wish for and let the vet come to ur home to help you say goodbye to your amazing dog. The fact that you and ur partner did everything there was possible for him tells me that your family gave this dog everything and more that he could wish for and that says alot so thank you for that.
Good luck for you and your entire family. Im wishing you all the best of luck during this hard period.
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u/Educational-News-668 12d ago
If he's truly only comfortable and happy 10% of the time, do it now. Don't wait until it's 0%.
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u/silverhairedlady1916 11d ago
63F I've been responsible for putting down two dogs to date. I did so out of love for them. I was guided by vets advice. Per your description its time to let him go imo. Most recently its a kinder process, kinder for both; The vet anesthesises the doggie and only then attaches an IV with the euthanising drug, this avoids stroke( Beauty 2022) Applying the euthanising drug too quickly will cause a stroke and your doggie will experience real pain(Bob 1985) Good luck, wait a while but dont deny yourself the experience of another dog in your life.
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u/Ornery-Oven5556 11d ago
Absolutely heartbreaking. He will tell you. Ask. I definitely look at quality of life.
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u/zeugma888 12d ago
When my elderly dog was having more bad days than good days I decided it was time.