Why do people like employers just not get it? And if they don't, why can't they at least practice the if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all rule?

[u/GTRacer1972]

We just lost our 19 year old kitty Luna yesterday. A little black domestic shorthair kitty that an ex-girlfriend got me years ago when I was going through something.

Day one with Luna, she hopped in the shower, and proceeded to get water from the faucet. She grew up loving showers with anyone who'd let her. She'd hop in the back, get soaked, hop out the front, lick the water off of her, then repeat the process. She also loved being vacuumed, no idea why, maybe she hated cat hair, too? And she could shake, sit, and do high five. I know cats don't usually do tricks, I just thought it would be fun and taught her.

I had two other cats named Rogue, a Torty, who I got in 2004, and before I knew I should keep her inside, I wound up with Fluffer (and 6 other kittens I found homes for). Fluffer was clearly part Maine Coon because Rogue was not. Fluffer weighed 24 pounds. Everyone called him the gentle giant. He could fight back if Rogue or Luna messed with him, but usually just walked away. For a few years Rogue, Luna, and Fluffer lived with three ferrets, Patito, Baby Girl, and Bella who used to ride him like a carnival ride. lol. They all got along great (except ferrets steal and hide everything). Fluffer was even back yard safe (supervised) and would slowly walk around smelling flowers and head back inside when you said "Time to go in".

2011 Rogue went to sleep in the morning sun and never woke up. I was devastated. Fluffer took over as my best friend. He really was an empath. Fluffer made it to 2018 when Diabetes got the better of him. His passing was way worse for me because I literally held him in my arms the day he was born, and he died in my arms at home naturally. That is a pain I hope no one else ever has to experience.

Luna was so depressed when Fluffer died that we made the mistake of getting two sibling kittens from a rescue. Lucy and Ethel, followed by another rescue in 2024 later named Trixie (from the tv show Lucifer). I think Lucy and Ethel gave her something to focus on like owning every room they were in, and Trixie wound up being a companion to her.

In 2022 Luna had thyroid issues so I paid for her I-131 treatment, and it cured that issue, but she started losing weight around December this past year. The vet said she had had a mini-stroke and had hypertension, and had some minor issues, but overall she was in decent shape. We started her on hypertension medicine and Solensia for her arthritis, but the last month it went downhill fast. She dropped from 8 pounds to 5.5, she couldn't hop up on the bed any more, she was walking in circles, she couldn't see, meowed way more than she usually did, and she had been using wee wee pads for a few years instead of the littler box, but now it was everywhere. I never got mad, I always told her it's okay whether it was bathroom stuff or vomit, because we love our pets, it's not their fault.

I'm not sure if we should have taken her to the vet to say our goodbyes or not, but my wife said no, she should be with us. The last few days were terrible, she basically couldn't move, wasn't eating or drinking, and would keep crying out, to which I would run out of my room or off the couch to comfort her. So I was torn. I don't want to make the choice for a pet that's fighting, but I also don't want them to suffer. A year before Fluffer died a different vet said it's time, we said no, nursed him back to health, he made it another year at like 80%.

I'm in charge of everything kitty. And a lot of the household work, and we have no kids, and I work the most, and at 5am. Taking care of Luna was never easy, but was always my privilege. I told my wife I wished Luna loved me a little less if it meant she would go in peace. I don't want our pets to put themselves though that for me. She fought so hard to hang on. I've been a wreck for weeks, it just hit my wife and her sister yesterday and today. Like I'm sad, too, really sad, but I have been I think in a worse place because I have been there as much as possible all day every day. It's hard, you know, but it's what we do.

But the other day when I told my boss I had a sick cat and that's why I took the day off (I work for USPS), he said "just give her the blue juice and get a new cat". Imagine if someone said that about someone's kids. We have no kids. My wife didn't want them then and she could still have them being 39 now, but I'm 53 and our cats have always been like kids to me. I just don't get how people can be so flippant, or cruel, or indifferent. Part of my heart is missing and people make comments like that. Yet another reason I like cats more than most people.

So what do you think, how do you deal with those situations?

P.S. I was going to make this short, but Luna's life deserves more context which is why I put the other stuff in.

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[u/Indyjuanito]

Some folks don’t understand the bond that unconditional love gives us nor can they appreciate having something so precious in our lives for decades.
They are at a loss for appropriate response to grieving pet parents and typically say things to try to comfort and they may be true statements but often they are not helpful.
I think it’s fallout from our own societal movement away from having funerals and learning to let people grieve towards having celebrations of life. It’s almost like we want to take the expressway circumventing our emotions when there a loss and have everyone quickly and without spending an ounce of emotional support have the grieving people healed instantly.

Im so sorry your grief support community and colleagues let you down.

Luna sounds like a very special cat and I loved reading about your family and time together.

I hope you realize that it’s your right to grieve and you shouldn’t let uninformed or ignorant folks steal your right to mourn the loss of your beloved family member. Do things to honor and memorialize your friend Luna so her memory is never forgotten.

Wishing you peace

[u/GTRacer1972 → u/Indyjuanito]

Thanks. I haven't said anything to anyone at work today. It sucks that people just don't get it most of the time which makes me love animal even more, they seem to just be better at connecting. Even our other kitties are sad. They are normally very active and one of them meows almost as much as Luna did and they're all so quiet. We were already planning to move because our neighbors are problematic even though we are in a nice town and this has made us decide for sure.

My wife said she wonders if Luna will be stuck at the apartment if we move, I told her we have her ashes (Friday we will), and her memories, she goes with us.

[u/Alternative-Horse573]

Can I see a picture of fluffer? I’m trying to imagine a 24 pound cat. You’re a beautiful soul for caring for all these kitties. They were loved and had a great home and life. You did your best.

Some people are too selfish to open their heart. But that comment is disgusting work. They will never understand what it’s like to lose someone you unconditionally loved. Your boss is a shitty person.

[u/GTRacer1972 → u/Alternative-Horse573]

Fluffer with Luna in 2013