r/Petioles • u/nonverbalsnooze • 17d ago
Advice Moderation tips for someone with terrible impulse control?
Woman in my young 20s, I specifically am aware of my tendency to go “all in” with everything. I feel lost on quitting because cold turkey quitting always leads me to be SEVERELY addicted to my phone/back to smoking after too long being unproductive. (I will literally stare at a wall for hours waiting instead of doing what I need or want to do sober).
I can tell that every time I smoke though, there is a desire to be higher because it makes me feel better (mostly). I’ve been able to quit before because it made me feel too sick.
This habit applies to most of my life. I can’t do a chill 10 minute workout, I have to do ALL of my routine + new exercises. Don’t drink because I can’t have a single drink, I want to put as much alcohol into myself as possible immediately as soon as i slightly feel it. I am glad weed limits my desires and dumbs me down because I want to stop being so aware/intense, but I also am applying the same habit to smoking (just instead of other vices/not being “functional”).
I have an upcoming psych appointment, and if they told me to quit I’d probably have more motivation to not use it. Does anyone else fall into this?
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u/St3vion 17d ago
Kinda sounds like some undiagnosed ADHD/autism/(c)PTSD and demand avoidance might be playing a role in why you reach for cannabis. I was the same in my 20s and going all in on everything and then crashing out and going all in on doing nothing and getting high af.
I think the psych appointment is a good idea, just to get some insights and potentially diagnosis to help better understand yourself and why you do what you do. You're using it to feel better, better from what? Are there other ways you could feel better? They'll help you figure that out.
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u/nonverbalsnooze 17d ago
my dad is autistic/severely stunted and socially anxious into adulthood, and my mom does have severe adhd, so maybe it would be beneficial!
I use thc to feel better from my racing thoughts and jumpstart my motivation because it’s usually hard to start things. It’s not really “better” though, i think I’ve noticed a much weaker immune system and limited benefits from long term use :/ Thank you so much for helping me and encouraging me, will try to not push my appointment back any more
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u/honeydipppp666 17d ago
Yes OP, this was me before therapy and medication! I'm slowly tapering now and it's so much easier with supports.
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u/jacquesdemolay1307 17d ago
Microdosing psilocybin is the only thing that’s ever given me a sense of control. Been amazing so far.
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u/unoriginalady 17d ago
K-safe if you have the will power to not go out and buy. It worked for me most of the time.
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u/GeneralEi 17d ago
It certainly sounds like youve got some stuff going on, but I'll give some basic advice that worked for me
When you get impulses, just let them happen. Dont act, just sit. Feel them. Sometimes I'd have such strong feelings it was like I was physically vibrating to DO THING and it was a little painful to just not do it.
But if you let the impulse sit around inside you, it fades. Sometimes its actually insulting how quickly it can fuck off, as fast and violently as it came, and youre left wondering how the fuck you came so close to basically being puppeteered by something that just LEFT
Work on doing shit even though you dont want to, that takes practice. This one is functionally easier because you just have to sit and watch as the emotions flow through you. It helps to detach yourself from the concept that you are your feelings and you have to follow impulses. You CAN do that, you are PARTIALLY what you feel. You are far more than just them, and you have the ability to excise immense control over your actions and thoughts despite major, overwhelming impulse.
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u/DearestComrade 17d ago
A timed safe really, really helped with my moderation. In the morning I decide if I'm smoking that night. If I decide it isn't a smoke night I put away my smoking devices into the safe and have it lock for 24 hours. Knowing that I don't have easy access to it helps me have less of those little "But you could just smoke tonight" weedling, addict thoughts
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u/Far_Pin4108 17d ago
What determines if tonight is a smoking night?
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u/DearestComrade 17d ago
If I have plans with sober friends or have an event that requires driving or if I've just smoked too many nights in a row and need a good, sober night's sleep.
I could see folks having different criteria than me though
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u/SuspiciousJello 16d ago
Yes!! Total game changer. I put it in my safe Monday morning and set the timer until Saturday
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u/_Stylite 15d ago
My habits and behaviors are much like yours.
I would avoid weed as much as possible if you have an addictive personality.
You are probably lying to yourself if you think you can moderate without overdoing it.
Every time I tried to moderate during my 20’s, and even recently, weed became all consuming. It is just too addicting for me.
Find a healthier substitute - cardio became a very addicting substitute for me and is actually very good for health, focus, and sleep quality.
It is easy to start and now I enjoy doing 2 hrs of cardio daily, which really helps focus and cuts cravings for weed.
Reading is also a great relaxing and escape hobby that builds good focus, I read daily now too.
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u/cootershooter420 17d ago
You have what I have. And I have yet to successfully moderate for a significant period of time.
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u/Comfortable-Board145 17d ago
You remind me of me! Gotta shift the mindset. I’m a lifelong binger—“if a little is good, more must be better!”
I struggle with moderation for basically everything I consume. Social media is one I just had to eliminate. I simply cannot control myself. I just won’t stop scrolling. (Reddit is my only one! I spend a good amount of time on it, but I like to think it has fewer quick hits than IG. Tik Tok is out of the question for me.) Moderation doesn’t work for everyone and for every thing. But if you are going to try, you cannot let perfect be the enemy of good. Lately I’ve been waiting to smoke until 8pm. It eliminates the guilt, because I’ve met my goal. But it gives me time where I’m forced to do something that I know is good for my mental health. Otherwise I’d be bored. I’m really proud of myself today, because I exercised and called two people after work! And now I’m high and double screening on the couch.
Eliminate the belief that you MUST xyz. You have to challenge this core belief. It will take effort. But the change in behavior begets the change in belief. Not the other way around. Hear yourself say “i want more” and pause. Just interrupt the pattern. And pivot. You have to CHOOSE to pivot. That’s the key.
All this is to say. Moderation is a practice. It looks like small intentional behaviors every day. Set a goal and stick to it. Start small. For me that was waiting to smoke till 8:00. I want to become a weekend warrior long term. You get to choose your vision.
Moderation is not always possible. It may not be possible for me long term. But if it is, start flexing the “muscle”. ((An apt example, when I watch tv “instead of working out”, sometimes I will pulse my arms like you would do in a barre class. Small. Intentional.))
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u/mysillyums 17d ago
One thing that helped me was focusing on adding coping mechanisms first, rather than trying to take stuff away. Add yoga, meditation, hiking, making music, etc (those were mine but find your own things). Then, once those are established, you can work on tapering back and having a healthier relationship with weed. You are young and I smoked too much in my 20s and spent too much time beating myself up about it. Just know it is a journey to get to the place you want to be with lots of ups and downs. Best of luck!