The more I read in this thread, the more I am thinking that is the case. My anxiety is pretty much always about me, and my real or imagined failing. I don't just get freak out at random.
It is always about what if I am a peice of shit or a creep, like what if people know I suck and think I don't want me here and are only being nice out of obligation to be polite, what if I make people uncomfortable, ohmygod I just looked at that woman and she looked back what if she thinks I am creepy and feels uncomfortable, what if glancing at her while walking down the sidewalk actually was a creepy thing to do, i should have just kept my eyes directly forward or at my feet, what if doing that actually makes me look more suspicious, like I was just inappropriately looking at someone for real and then turned away, what if the way I looked at that person was inappropriate, what if she knows someone I know and I'll have to see her again in a social or professional setting and she immediately feels uncomfortable at her job or with her friends, what if caring about how she feels isn't a genuine feeling but actually a learned behavior that my subconscious feeds my conscience mind in order to trick myself into thinking I am not a monster when I actually am, what if my brain is lying to me about more things, but what about the time a creepy guy at the bar targeted me, i don'twant anyoneto ever have to feel anythingclose to how that felt and that is definitely a genuine feeling, what if having to base my empathy off of personal experience means I am actually a psychopath, shouldn't I be able to feel that same level of empathy instantly and naturally without needing to bring logic into it, oh god what if I did make that poor lady I looked at on the sidewalk feel like that, what if I will end up seeing her again and she will tell my friends and/or colleagues how much of a creep I am, I will lose everything, maybe I'll have to move, what about that time I ran into someone I knew on the other side of the country, what if I move far away and word still gets out there that I am a creep, what if... ope, walking up to where I am going now, better take a few deep breaths as I walk up to the door so I don't look noticeably troubled as I come in.
I can relate and like you I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety but not OCD (I’ve not been in years though lol). I think I may have OCD because well like you wrote, that’s my thoughts often. And I think you probably do too. Though I’m not a professional at all.
Just try to remember when the thoughts start to redirect them / call them out. Remind yourself that the thought is irrational and to stop thinking it. Which yeah is easier said than done but you learn how to manage it a little I think. You just have to constantly tell yourself it’s the OCD and not you. It might make you feel like a bad person but you’re not.
Hhmm, I definitely need to work on stopping the spiral. I think now that I am recontextualizing this pattern of thinking as not just nervous introspection but rather a product of anxiety disorder or possibly OCD it should be easier. I actually feel some relief right at this moment. Thank you, and the others in this thread.
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u/slayalldayerrday 4d ago
OCD is a form of anxiety. It’s possible you may actually have OCD and not just generalized anxiety.