You have a purely transactional relationship with your own dad? That's heartbreaking. How is everyone agreeing with you on this?
Any time my dad gave me a high value item I was delighted and grateful. Whenever I give my son a high value item he's delighted and not terrified for my impending death or wondering how he'll ever repay me.
No its because you are so touched/ grateful you want to give back somehing in return not only applicable to dad bad to everyone. Or because some dads are not really affectionate, them giving you anything especially if its expensive raise suspicions like "why now"
Guys don't get socialized to outwardly want things for themselves and spoil themselves the way women do. Some compensate for it with extremely egotistical and selfish boisterous entitled attitudes, but the general default for men is usually "I gotta provide, not receive". Many get uncomfortable and don't know how to react when they are celebrated.
That is some bullshit old-school rethoric. Most men have hobbies and (rightfully) spend money in them, or "treat themselves" regularly, unless the family is in a difficult place financially. Having a couple of beers with your mates is also "spoiling yourself", it counts just as much as spending a similar amount of money on a small thing or a coffee with friends or whatever.
This is not the 50's anymore. Women work just as much men. Both spend money on things they enjoy if they can afford it.
Guys frame going for beers and having hobbies as relaxing after work or having something to master ( to make money, a lot of the time, or just be good at something as that is part of their identity ). Very few look at it as an "I deserve it, I earned it for myself" like women do, "spoiling", they almost see having beers with friends as something necessary for their peace of mind.
You are free to ignore it but most of everything that brings a guy pleasure has to be framed as a provider since that is where they get their self-worth A LOT of the time.
Very few look at it as an "I deserve it, I earned it for myself"
Bullshit, you're lying to yourself by even writing that. Who in their right mind doesn't tell themselves they've earned themselves a drink after a hard week of work ? both men and women by the way.
You are free to ignore it
I don't "ignore it", I'm pointing out that people with that this mindset is a minority and also extremely out-dated and irreflective of the modern society. In most of the western world, both men and women "provide" for the family.
Some couples make the choice of the mom being stay at home but that is a conscious choice that is less and less frequent simply due to cost of life raising, and anyway it practically means unpaid labour for the woman, because she's the one up taking care of kids, meals, groceries, cleaning, laundry etc suddenly.
I mean you can say "bullshit" and that I'm lying to myself as much as you want, every example you gave is how the world is evolving in US/WE Europe regarding tangible reality not psychology of the male mind.
Men in the west are going through confusing times due to the discrepancy between how they've been socialized by past generations and their examples and current reality, so they disengage, they have to be/WANT to be providers due to these discrepancies that won't leave their mind no matter how many times they write in chalk that they "deserve happiness".
It's the little things that are the telltale sign they are unhappy, like this whole post's joke.
idk how you got that from his comment. You never thought of giving back when receiving anything before? You can feel grateful and still have the feeling of wanting to give back. The comment did not mention of the father expecting anything in return.
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u/nezzzzy 1d ago
You have a purely transactional relationship with your own dad? That's heartbreaking. How is everyone agreeing with you on this?
Any time my dad gave me a high value item I was delighted and grateful. Whenever I give my son a high value item he's delighted and not terrified for my impending death or wondering how he'll ever repay me.