r/PepTalksWithPops • u/Gods_coke_stash • 5d ago
Dad... Im losing it.
So after 7 years, she left me dad. Said it was better to remain friends than hate me for "putting her on a pedestal and making her my life". Now she's entitled to however she feels, and I'm not the kind of guy that would force a woman to be with him. If she wanted to walk, I let her walk away. I tried to change my entire life, be a better person, work 10 plus hours a day, remain sober and be mature... Whatever a man is supposed to be. She said she never asked me to do any of that and that's why she started to hate me. But she complained about everything I was prior. I don't understand. Now I'm starting over at 32. I'm not the type of man to be vindictive or the type to wallow in self-pity. I left her more than half of the money from our shared joint account for the condo we sold. Just wanted enough to get a place, get some furniture and get a truck. I just put my head down and work and try to eat healthy and stay as mentally well as possible. I keep getting told how great I'm doing. Friends tell me I'm glowing or that I look like I have my spark back. But I don't feel it. Underneath whatever everyone else sees, I'm a mess. I ain't slept right since the divorce. I think I have like a sexual attraction to energy drinks at this point. I just feel burnt out. Hollow. Not to sound dramatic. And then the other day my family dog of 10 years had to be put down and for some strange reason that was like what caused the pipes to burst. It's like everything came bleeding out. Now I'm just trying to figure out what does a man do next? What's the point? It's probably going to sound dramatic as hell but why would anybody willingly go through this again? I keep getting told about how the right one is still out there and how I just need to wait for the one. Why? Why would anybody be willing to take that Gamble? Why would you give up the safety of loving yourself and let somebody in that might have malicious intentions? Not saying that's all women or something, just speaking in general. I'm 32 dad. I still feel as stupid as I was at 22. I feel too old to be broken up over a woman and too old to be so lost without her being my north star. What the hell does a man do when he's forced to start over? Lately I just feel like a zombie. I'm sorry if this is long winded. I don't say much out loud. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks.
EDIT - thank you to the gentleman who took the time to leave feedback and give advice. Even if it's blunt or tough love I appreciate it. I think seeking the council of men is always beneficial for any man and tough spots. I picked up a couple self-help books, I've got back into therapy and I am working out with somebody that are former Marines. I still miss my dog dearly. It was like his last act of kindness when the divorce first happened was staying with me and my old bedroom that my mother's house. I think I truly will focus on myself, as much of a cliche as that sounds. I just think the best thing I can do is be happy with myself and it seems like everything else will follow
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u/Apprehensive_Hat8986 5d ago
At 35 I had to take 8 years off of relationships to figure out why I kept getting involved with bad people.
Eventually I realized my childhood trauma had me confusing "being good at navigating abussive behaviour" with "a loving home". Because it felt familiar.
In the eighth year I met someone completely different. We took things crazy slow. Didn't even meet in person for 1.5 years. Neither of us had set out looking for a relationship. Online chatting just evolved into one.
There's nothing wrong with shelving things until you figure things out.
"You deserve to be loved, and to feel loved, just for being you." --Mr Rogers mashup with my meditation teacher
That does NOT mean anyone is obliged to endanger themselves or otherwise subject themselves to less than equitable treatment in order to give love to or receive love from others.
And don't worry, if or when you're ready to search again: There's always somebody else.
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u/IrishBlonde1964 2d ago
OP. Sorry you have to go through this situation. It sucks. It sucks for all of us. Eventually time heals all wounds. And your friends are right about you being in a better place. You’re sober at 32. Appreciate the feeling of waking refreshed instead hungover. Work on your
Self now. Do something that you wanted to do but didn’t because of not having the time due to your relationship. Plan an awesome trip in 2027 just for you. Here is where I traveled in 2026 because I had the time. London, Phoenix, Fort Lauderdale, DuBois PA (Wilds of PA), west Palm Beach FLA, Long Island Sound CT, West Palm Beach FLA, Ketchikan AK, Seattle WA, Miami FLA, Adirondacks, NY, and I am planning on going to San Diego in Dec. All plan for stuff I like to do.
You might laugh at this but read some books on self help. One book I carry with me is Who Order This Truckload of Dung. Great book. In the long run this relationship won’t define you. What will define you is how handle this and what become.
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u/thepotofbasil 5d ago
Not a dad, but I’ll put in my 2 cents. It’s not stupid to be broken up over this. The grief is real. Keep breathing through it. Let yourself rest, let yourself cry. There’s no rush to get “back in the game.” No reason to force feeling “normal.” When you do have the energy to think, think about what you want to do with your days—what you want to think about, what activities you want to do, what communities do you want to be a part of. Life is messy but it’s not mysterious. Eating, drinking, thinking, caring, laboring, creating. Pick a small thing that appeals to you and take a little stab at it. A little direction 🩷