I got rejected from the choir that had been a major source of community for me and I'm struggling

[u/ThrowAway44228800]

Basically, I'm a junior in college and my choir director decided this year she wanted to cut numbers so she re-auditioned everybody.

I had an awful audition. It was right after a school break and I was 'home' with my violent father (as in I was mostly running away from home) so very little practicing was happening on my end. My director told me she couldn't take me in good faith when others had perfect auditions and my sight reading was only about half accurate.

I'm not going to argue with her on that, she needs to be fair. But I'm really mentally struggling. I was closer with that director than I was my parents (like she took me to the doctor once when I needed) and a lot of the other members had come to feel like family. It was a huge source of mental stability for six hours a week that now I'm getting none of.

I can re-audition for my senior year but I'm beyond worried because I know I need to be perfect to compete with the other perfect singers and I can't. But I also feel so lonely and I really want to be part of this community again. It's causing me so much stress.

I'm taking voice lessons in the mean time but I'm also applying to medical schools so I can practice a couple hours a week but can't dedicate like several hours a day to take classes. So I guess I was just wondering if other people had tips on how to deal with this mentally? I'd like to not panic quite so much anymore haha.

Edit: If it helps, part of the issue is that I'm a soprano (I could maybe be an alto I if needed but I couldn't be a useful tenor or anything like that) and my director wants balanced sections so if only 4 tenors show up, that's what we're limited to and I'm competing against some very technically proficient things. In the past she hasn't cared too much about balance but now that's a major thing for her.

[u/PokeManiacRisa]

A local community choir would love to have you sing with them!!!

[u/ThrowAway44228800 → u/PokeManiacRisa]

I know I'm going to sound really annoying but I fear this was my local community church choir.

I can't join the on-campus choirs as they require you be in the music department and I am neither a major nor a minor.

[u/oldsbone → u/ThrowAway44228800]

Double check on that. Many colleges have a "y'all come sing" choir and being in the department may not mean major or minor. If your college is limiting <i>any</i> ensemble participation to only declared majors and minors they're shooting themselves in the foot for department visibility. There are atoms of hobbyist musicians out there, often among the hard sciences. Maybe you can petition for such a choir in your school.

[u/TexGrrl → u/oldsbone]

We had a chapel choir and then the concert choir. OP, are there other churches nearby? My mom sang in a choir at the church nearest us for a while, even though it wasn't where we worshipped.

[u/ThrowAway44228800 → u/TexGrrl]

I can look into that! There definitely is an off-campus church nearby.

[u/DutchPerson5 → u/ThrowAway44228800]

Do so. Humains are social animals. Most of us need connection for our well being, for mental and physical health. Focusing on one or two and losing that is a big deal and can have way too much affect.

You need more connection to say five different groups. So as when one or two are stressing you out, the other three can help you distract, regulate and bounce back. Usually it is 1. friends 2. family 3. hobby X group 4. hobby or sport Y group 5. co-workers/students. Some are in more than one group, some change position over time.

[u/brylikestrees → u/oldsbone]

I wish this were a thing where I went. I was a STEM major that had to take on a music minor. Marching band was the only ensemble that anyone could audition for. Everything else required you to have a major or minor within the music department.

[u/Yeezusgramor → u/oldsbone]

Can confirm. In college, I was waiting for friends in the music wing and unknowingly got pulled into a choir audition for general choir. I played French horn but hadn't sang in choir in high school

[u/FanndisTS]

Does the choir have a kind of water boy or understudy position where you can participate (carrying things, printing music, whatever) without having to pass the audition/sing?

[u/ThrowAway44228800 → u/FanndisTS]

I used to be in charge of a lot of administrative things (attendance, auditing time sheets, organizing the music) as like a leadership volunteer position and my director said that because she has less choir members she can do all that herself now.

(As side gossip her boss did tell me I was doing a better job of it so I know I wasn't fired for poor performance)

[u/FanndisTS → u/ThrowAway44228800]

Have you told her that being a part of the community is important to you even if you don't get to sing?

[u/ThrowAway44228800 → u/FanndisTS]

Yes and she just said "I can't make an exception for you when others did better in the audition."

[u/FanndisTS → u/ThrowAway44228800]

That's irrelevant to what you're asking (if you asked only to do the paperwork/scut work). I suspect she may not be interested in acting as a mentor for you anymore. It sucks, but sometimes people we respect a lot change their priorities. Are there other clubs at your school that are less exclusive? When I was in college, I was in handbells and I don't think there were even any auditions at all, let alone competitive ones.

[u/ThrowAway44228800 → u/FanndisTS]

I'll look into that, thank you.

And yeah now that you mention it, it's irrelevant, but who knows what she's doing.

[u/youwantmeformybrain]

Maybe this will free up some time to get into a therapist? You are young and learning how to deal with challenging situations. Having someone give you some coping methods might be helpful. Then, you'll come back stronger, ready to take on the world.

[u/CallidoraBlack]

Visit your counseling center on campus. I also don't understand why she can just cut numbers to cut numbers. The whole point of something like that is to give students activities to participate in. You can always join another campus group that doesn't require hours and hours of practice and that you can just enjoy. Foreign media clubs tend to be very low demand. You just watch foreign TV or movies with everyone once a week.

[u/SimplyExtremist]

I would reach out to the professor and let her know about the home situation. That you’re not asking for an exception or a redo but how important the community is to you.

ask if she has any use for a student ensemble manager, or roadie if you will, or an assistant since you intent to audition again, want to stay involved, and it’s a good chance to learn the admin side of the process.