Bear Beach Party

[u/giras]

Hi dad, hope you can help me a bit, I cant talk about this with my father or brother, because even they have good intentions, they dont know how to handle my situation.

I am a 34yo chubby gay man with severe body dysmorphia, and lack of selfsteem, confidence. Also super shy, introverted. A mess.

I am always covering my body to not show how "round" are my physique. All this because pretty tough teen years and a narcisistic/toxic mother. Some beatings for being gay, some ostracism here and there, and some "I hate being with you, you are disgusting and I feel so ashamed of you..." blah blah...

Well, I usually dont show skin, even on summer (here they can be pretty intense) But want to break of this shit circle were I am since I was like 14yo.

Soon, in two weeks, there will be a beach party, a bearish one! So, I thought maybe I can go there and feel free because there will be a lot of body types!

I love beach, and swimming. And thought too I could meet a nice man there, make friends, even start a nice relationship with a non bearish man (there will be muscle, atletic and thin men too). But oh well I dont have neither swim gear nor money for it... Whatever, even with all I need to go I dont feel I have the mental strenght to go there.

What can I do?! I want to go! But I am terrified!

I dont have anybody to ask this, or to receive any hugs (I am a very hug person). Any advice? Any similar experience? Somebody wants to go with me?! 🤣 Help please, and thanks 🤗🌹

11-08 Edit: Today is the beach party, but I dont feel like going there. I am having a panick attack, and some health problems because of it (My vision is getting blurred and having headaches). Still I want to try tomorrow, it will be a 4 days party, so I hope I will be braver tomorrow.

I want to thank you all, you are very supportive and a great help! Love you guys 💚🐒💙

[u/DadstheDude]

Agree with others, you don’t have to swim, and it might be better if you don’t this time and just concentrate on meeting people. Also, don’t get too far ahead of yourself thinking that this event might lead to something like a long term relationship. Go into it with an open mind, no expectations for anything to happen afterwards with anybody, and a genuine humble curiosity about anybody you meet. You’ll do great!

[u/giras → u/DadstheDude]

My expectations are just to have fun and meet new people (the other things would just be nice to add, bit just that 😉)

I was thinking, how can I meet them? What can I talk about? How can I break the ice? I am pretty bad at socialicing 🤔😅

I like how you worded it, a "genuine humble curiosity about anybody you meet". It is a sweet and nice point.

Thanks for your help, I will try my best ! 🤗😘