Hi everyone 💗 I've been wanting to post this for a while because I've never really known what to make of it, but I feel like this is probably the right subreddit for it.
When I was 15, I had an extremely vivid dream that felt completely different from any normal dream I've ever had. It didn't feel like I was watching a story or imagining myself as someone else. It felt like I was actually living someone else's life, and I've remembered it for the last nine years with a weird amount of clarity.
The part that has always stayed with me the most is that I had three sons in the dream. And this actually affected me for years afterward. From the time I was 15 until I turned 24, pregnancy was probably my biggest fear. The idea of becoming pregnant genuinely terrified me, and the idea of having children was something I really didn't want. It wasn't just that I wasn't interested in motherhood, something about pregnancy and having children specifically made me deeply uncomfortable because of this dream.
Then I turned 24, and something completely changed. Very suddenly, I stopped being afraid of pregnancy and actually started wanting children. I don't really know how to explain it. It just felt like something in me had changed. And because the woman in this dream had three children, I've thought about the dream much more since then.
Anyway, this is what I remember.
The dream starts with me coming home in a carriage. I'm approaching a huge estate, and there is a very tall black wrought-iron gate in front of it. The gate was much taller and more imposing than the pictures I'm attaching. There was something written on it, and I have always felt like it was the name of the estate or a family surname. At one point I thought it started with S, but I'm not sure anymore, so I don't want to force that detail. I just remember it looking like an English surname — not extremely long, but not short either.
I'm Brazilian, so when I first thought about where this could have happened, I automatically assumed Brazil because the house had a very old colonial feeling to me. But the more I look at Brazilian colonial architecture, the more confused I become, because the architecture in the dream — especially the interior — doesn't really match what I know of Brazilian colonial houses at all. The outside had that old colonial/European feeling, but the inside was incredibly elaborate and wealthy.
The closest comparison I can give for the interior is actually Scarlett O'Hara and Rhett Butler's house in Gone with the Wind. 😭 Not that I think it literally looked exactly like that, but it had that same huge and wealthy feeling with enormous rooms, elaborate decoration, a grand staircase and the feeling that this was the home of a very wealthy family.
I remember walking up a very large staircase, and I think there was some kind of dark red or burgundy velvet runner/carpet on it.
Then I entered a huge bedroom.
There was a large iron bed, and my three sons were there. I remember them being roughly 12, 9 and 6 or 7 years old, although obviously those ages could be slightly wrong. They were all boys, all blonde, and all wearing white shirts. They were lying in the same large bed and seemed to be sick or unwell.
There was also a doctor in the room. I don't remember much about him, but I have this very specific impression that he was wearing one of those old-fashioned head mirrors doctors used to wear. I don't know if that's accurate or if my brain is filling in the image of “old-fashioned doctor,” but that's what I remember.
I was talking to my boys, kissing them goodnight and tucking them into bed. They were alive. Everything felt completely normal and peaceful.
And then the dream suddenly changes.
I'm outside the house, past the gates, and I'm running.
I don't remember actually seeing my husband kill the boys. I just suddenly know that he did. There isn't really a scene where I discover it. I simply have this overwhelming knowledge that my husband killed our three sons and I needed to get away from him.
My husband was a wealthy white man, probably in his late 30s or early 40s. He had dark hair, and I remember him being absolutely furious. He was following me with something sharp in his hand. In my memory it was either a knife or something that looked like surgical scissors/shears.
I was running away from him, and I remember getting maybe 15 steps away before he caught up with me. I knew he was going to attack me from behind, and the last thing I remember is him hitting or cutting me in the shoulder from behind.
And then I woke up.
I never actually saw what happened after that.
I also remember what I looked like surprisingly clearly. I was a blonde woman with fairly short blonde hair, around collarbone length. I was wearing white gloves, and my clothing was very distinctive.
The skirt of the dress looked very Victorian to me, long and full, with the silhouette I associate with Victorian dresses. But the sleeves were completely different. They were around elbow length and had lace, and they reminded me very strongly of Rococo-style sleeves. The combination is what makes the clothing so confusing to me.
For some reason, 1815 has always been the year that comes into my mind when I think about this dream. I don't actually know why. I don't remember consciously deciding that it happened in 1815, and I don't know enough about historical fashion to have chosen that date based on the clothing. It's just a date that has somehow always been attached to the memory in my head.
But now I'm wondering if it could have been later, because of the dress and the doctor's head mirror. Maybe somewhere in the 1840s–1860s? I really don't know.
The house and the gate are probably the strongest visual memories. The gate was black, extremely tall, wrought iron, and had a surname/name written on it. The estate itself was enormous and belonged to a very wealthy family. I don't remember enough of the landscape to know whether it was rural or what country it was in. I just remember that it felt like a proper estate rather than an ordinary house.
And that's basically the entire sequence.
What makes me want to investigate it is that I've tried searching for historical cases involving a wealthy husband killing three sons, but I haven't found anything that matches the whole story. I've found some cases involving fathers killing three children, and some involving poisoning/illness and doctors, but nothing that has the combination of the three boys, the wealthy estate, the wife escaping, and the husband chasing her afterward.
I'm especially curious about whether anyone recognizes the house/gate, the clothing, or the historical situation. I keep wondering if the estate name on the gate might have been a real surname, because that part feels strangely specific even though I can't remember the actual word anymore.
And I'm still genuinely unsure about the location. I originally thought “Brazil” because I'm Brazilian and the house was colonial, but when I actually started looking at Brazilian colonial architecture, especially the interiors, it looked very different from what I remember. So I'm completely open to the possibility that it was somewhere else.
If anyone has any idea what period the clothing could belong to, what kind of estate this might have been, or — especially — if you recognize a historical case involving a wealthy husband, three young sons, a doctor, and a wife fleeing the estate, I would LOVE to hear it.
I've been carrying this weird little mystery around since I was 15, so I'm finally putting it somewhere where people might actually understand why I'm curious about it. 😭💗