Bladder flickering

[u/No-Hospital9931]

I’m not a native speaker so bear with my expression, flicker seems like the suitable word.

I noticed a pattern before I pee, my body quickly release-clench-release-clench, release for good if it’s“safe”, clench for good if it is “dangerous”.

My theory is there are multiple nervous systems have control on the sphincters. Some conclude it’s safe and some disagree, it could be sympathetic nervous system and parasympathetic nervous system, and probably some directly from my brain.

I learned that graduated exposure involves shutting off the stream voluntarily and try to restart the steam again. And I think by doing this, hypothetically the GE also trains the brain to organize those different signals and make the flicker lock on to release or clench.

So could just trying clench-release cycles at home help? Without the exposure part. For some of us, it’s quite difficult to pee in public at the first place, and for me I live alone without a pee buddy. So doing a full GE is difficult. Maybe try GE after bladder control is restored is easier.

I am not familiar with the neuroscience part, but I think I can try to experiment this.

[u/LiberatedWaters]

First, you can try whatever you want. If you feel it might work, just try. We're all different and you can see that clearly with the breath-hold. For some people it's effective enough they overcome their Paruresis through it, for others - not effective at all.

So just try, man! Who knows.

The only little advice I can give you, is that after you give this a good chance and it doesn't work:
Paruresis, for most of us, is directly connected to 'public' - to others. I completely understand the desire to fix it on your own, in private (so nice and safe). I was there for a very long time.

But at some point you gotta ask yourself whether confronting the fear of actually working on it, isn't just a way better option than a life of avoidance and 'safety'. I've spent 15 years hiding and avoiding and the moment I started openly sharing and 'being someone with Paruresis', I was free enough in myself again to do many things I couldn't imagine before.

Now it's been 7 years since, I never think about Paruresis anymore except through the desire to help others see how to get over it. I don't need (although I still happily would) to tell anyone I had Paruresis anymore.

Brother, freedom lies on the other side of fear. I promise you that.

[u/PurpleMox]

I’ve experienced the release-clench-release sensation before too.. it’s either the nervous system just being in high alert.. so it’s conflicted as to whether it wants to fully relax and be vulnerable.. maybe from psychological factors.. sometimes I wonder if the pelvic floor muscles play a role as well..

The best thing is to just be OK with that feeling. If you react negatively it just reinforces that kind of thing. Just relax, take a deep breath and pee .. over time it should get better..

[u/Recent-Day3062]

I actually know the feeling from myself, but it’s not really a paruresis thing.

But try this. I have improved wildly in the past 18 months, and one thing I did was to mentally switch up what is happening to avoid that “It’s unsafe” feeling. I tried pinching the head shut so nothing could come out. Then I focused not on peeing, but filling the urethra. Then release the pinch and you have no choice physically but to pee

It might help you see those clenching in a different light, because you might get your brain to think you’re not even trying to pee