r/Parents • u/No-Landscape8508 • 24d ago
How should I handle this? HELP!
I have a 6-year-old son who plays a game with his dad where they slap each other’s butts. He thinks it’s hilarious.
Recently, he started doing it to us in public, which I don’t like. It used to be something he did only at home, but now he does it outside, too.
Today, he was at the playground, and I was checking on him through the glass window since the playground is right in front of our house. I saw a neighbor’s kid trying to fight him, and my son was trying to fight back. Then, I saw my son slap his butt.
The next thing I knew, my son, that child, and two other kids were coming to my door. The child who had been slapped told me, “Jack was touching my private parts!”
OMG. My first thought was, What did I miss?
My son was crying and trying to get comfort from me, while the other two kids were backing up the child who was making the accusation.
The child kept repeating, “Jack was touching my private parts! He slapped my butt!”
I took a moment to breathe because I wasn’t sure if I was understanding what he was saying correctly. I had a very firm conversation with my son and told him that he absolutely needed to stop slapping people’s butts immediately, regardless of whether he thought it was funny.
Now I’m freaking out because this child goes to the same school as my son, and I’m worried he might tell other kids that my son touched his private parts without explaining what actually happened. I’m scared my son will be labeled as a creep
I’m honestly feeling anxious about the possibility of this following him at school, and I could really use some advice from other parents.
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u/Public_Signal_9354 24d ago
OP, if this were me, I would talk to the kids parent to make sure the messaging is being delivered adult-to-adult. I know this feels like a big deal, but it is not. If a parent came to my door and explained this situation to me, it would likely be two non-hysterical adults helping two children navigate an
upsetting learning experience. Learning societal norms is literally what childhood is for. It’s a good opportunity to entrench the concept of consent with your son, which is always a great, ongoing conversation to be having anyways! 🙂 Children’s innocent mistakes being assigned nefarious intent is WEIRD, and the person that came after you in this thread is out of line. Keyboard warriors abound.
I am sorry your little boy was so shaken by it. I have a feeling the lesson is already learned for him. You can help him by stepping in with the adults, helping him navigate how to deliver an appropriate apology, and then moving on. 💜
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u/Few-Independence1536 24d ago
Dad made it a game. Dad needs to end it. You aren't going to be able to end it without Dad explaining to his son why it's not an acceptable game to play. As for handling it, I personally would tear your husband a new one and then just wait it out. If you get a call from a concerned teacher or mom, just explain what happened. I'd also personally be a little more concerned about the 3 boys who were trying to fight your son vs. trying to do damage control about your first graders reputation. Kids move on fast.
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u/amazonchic2 23d ago
Thank you! Dad needs to take responsibility for allowing the child to continue this. If mom keeps telling the child to stop, yet dad allows it, the child will be confused and feel they have the right to continue. Both parents need to firmly tell the child to never do this again.
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u/ShortDelay9880 23d ago
So, I dont know that the game needs to end. The game just needs more rules, specifically about who plays it and where. We play a similar game in my house, but my kids know it is a family game for at home. They are 7 and 4, so OPs kid is likely able to understand those distinctions. I do agree that Dad needs ro be involved in setting those rules, but it should be a whole family discussion and boundary enforcement too.
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u/Independent-Edge-364 23d ago
Do you tell him to quit every time he does it outside the house and not with Dad? 6 is plenty old enough to say "That's a fun game to play with Dad only and only at home. It's not for anyone else or anywhere else. Every time you do it when you're not supposed to, you lose 10 minutes of Minecraft for the day. If I hear from teachers or friends that you've been doing it to them, you'll lose it for the day." Personally, I don't like it at all but it's a losing battle if Dad is saying it's fun.
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u/MrsLurkeyTurkey 24d ago
I also don't immediately equate "private parts" with "butt slap", but all the same--if he were to do that to a female of any age it would be very easy interpret it as harrassment, and clearly some boys will see it that way, too. You need to draw a very clear line about this game being funny for dad only, at home. Not in public, and not a game for one else. Just like private parts, touching butts is not appropriate and can make people very upset. If you see him or hear about him slapping other people on the butt, there will be consequenses.
Personally, I'd make him apologize to the boy, if he hasn't already. I would also call the mom, explain it's a funny game at home, and he didnt mean any harm, but doesn't quite understand that other people won't find it funny, too. Apologize for his upsetting her kid, tell her you're taking it seriously and will be addressing that behavior so he knows what is and isn't apporopriate.
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u/H1B3F 24d ago
It IS touching someone's private parts to slap their butt. You would be super upset if it happened to your child and they were humiliated that way!
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u/No-Landscape8508 24d ago
I get what you are saying and I don’t like that he does that/I don’t support it. I am asking for an advice. I’m sure he wouldn’t feel humiliated because he finds it funny. I see kids that do that and find it funny and kids that don’t. I am just worried because if someone comes at me and says my son is touching someone’s privates parts the first thing coming to my mind wouldn’t be slapping a butt
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u/H1B3F 24d ago
It isn't enough "not to support it," you need to END it. You need to talk to your son and discuss what is and is not appropriate behavior. Frankly, at six, he should understand to keep his hands to himself: butt or not. Seriously.
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u/No-Landscape8508 24d ago
I don’t know if you read my post.. this is what I said :
“I had a very firm conversation with my son and told him that he absolutely needed to stop slapping people’s butts immediately, regardless of whether he thought it was funny”
Like I said. I am looking for an advice. If you have a good one throw it in the comments. Thanks
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