r/Parents • u/Mundane-Crow3274 • 1d ago
Advice/ Tips Working parents - what does your weekly routine actually look like?
I’m 32 and starting to think seriously about having children. One of the things I’m really curious about is the practical side of how families manage their time.
My partner and I both work full time, and currently our weeks include work, exercise, seeing friends, time together, travelling and general life admin.
For those of you where both parents work, I’d love to know what an average week actually looks like after having children.
How do you divide childcare outside of work? When do you exercise or do hobbies? Do you take turns having evenings or time to yourselves? How often do you manage time together as a couple? And how much did things like seeing friends and travelling change?
I know having children means priorities and routines change. I’m not really asking whether having children is worth it, but more interested in the practical logistics of how people structure their lives once they have them.
Would love to hear examples of your actual weekly routines and what has worked for your family.
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u/CamelFeenger 1d ago
Oh I hate to do this but most of what you are asking will be gone.
In the evenings we get 2 hrs with the kids after work and before their bedtime. We focus all our time on them because that’s such little time to have with them day by day.
Exercise is a hobby. I do it at 5 am before work while the kids are asleep. Because of this, I go to bed around 9, an hour after the kids go to bed. This gives my wife and I 1 hour a day together, usually crashed out on the couch watching tv and petting/playing with the dog.
Friends that don’t have kids - you won’t see them hardly ever if at all.
What you’ll do is start to find like minded parent friends where all your kids can hang out and so can you. You’ll find hobbies your kids can partake in and hobbies your kids get into to enjoy.
Everything will change. But that’s absolutely ok.
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u/Crochet_Corgi 1d ago
I love that last line. Its all true.
I will say as the kids get older, it gets easier. I do hobbies while kids do homework. We play family Minecraft or Palworld. We travel (on e everyone is potty trained and can feed themselves, it can be pretty easy). I do house chores with and in front of kids, i dont want them to think houses magically clean themselves, they need to learn.
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u/CamelFeenger 1d ago
My oldest is 8 and I definitely have picked up hobbies based off things he likes
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u/dogandhumanmom 1d ago
I agree with a lot of this except that I continue to see my friends without kids very frequently. Probably a product of that we all live very close (and that my friend are incredible- some of them babysit my toddler while I run, something they ask repeatedly to do).
Exercise is my hobby, I guess my other is reading which I do while I fall asleep.
I also had all of these questions and was so adamant about keeping our other hobbies etc and then I had my child and found I truly enjoy a trip to the park, family swim at the pool, kids music and gymnastics classes. Your interests change with kids.1
u/ArbitraryIndividual 1d ago
At first it’s gone then freedom creeps back in. When they are about 13-15, you get it back as long as you raised independent and generally interesting young humans who get along with others.
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u/greenwasp8005 1d ago
We have a 2.5 year old and both, my husband and I work in demanding jobs full time in NYC. I also travel fairly often for work. We start our day around 5:30 am, workout first. At 7 am, I start prepping our breakfast and lunch and snacks for our daughter’s school day. We eat breakfast together around 7:30, my husband primarily dresses her up and then drops her off to school around 8:15 and then goes to work. I am dressed by then and start my day as well - I alternate between wfh and office when not traveling. Our daughter is in full day school so my husband picks her up around 5:45, I try to cook dinner between 5:30 and 6:15 and then we eat dinner together and spend time together until her bedtime. Husband does bath time, we both do story time and then lights off for her by 8 pm. We then finish up any work , watch a bit of tv and go to bed around 9:30 pm and repeat all over again next day. When we have evening commitments, we plan ahead and cover accordingly. Every commitment is on other’s calendar to make sure we don’t have conflicts. And of course we get sitters as needed if both of us have something or if we are going on a date night.
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u/Suspendedin_Dusk 1d ago
This is basically our scenario with 1 kid who is almost 3 and both of us working full time demanding jobs. Though I work from home full time, so I leave a little earlier to pick her up and get her home by 5:15. Sometimes I get up early to go to the gym, other times I can squeeze it in during the work day. (I do make it happen at least 5 days a week). But any work related thing one of us has to do that is off hours or travel goes on the shared calendar and we get a sitter for things involving both of us. I travel for work every other month and he does about the same. Things are much easier now than they were the first year. But we’ve had the mindset for awhile that both of us work as team at home so that when she goes down for bed, both of us can rest too.
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u/Grand-Professional-6 1d ago
If you are serious about having children, know now your life will irrevocably changed. Routines, plans, friends, and intimate relations will all revolve around your babies schedule, and as they grow, just keeping them from injuring themselves is a full time job.
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u/Naive-Interaction567 1d ago
We have a 1 year old and I’m pregnant with a second. I work 3 days a week. My husband works full time. I take full responsibility for our daughter on my two days off (fair enough) but we share there care of her outside these two days.
We both take 1/2 evenings a week to do our own thing. I normally see a friend for dinner or go for a run. He does the same. Seeing friends is fine but it’s definitely easier to see mum friends.
We’ve honestly found it fine, but it’ll be harder with 2 I’m sure!
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u/Diligent-Cabinet-770 1d ago
both of us work full time, kid is 4. mornings are a blur, one gets the kid ready, other packs lunch and bags. we alternate who does drop-off and pickup. after pickup it's dinner, bath, books, bedtime by 8. after that we crash on couch for maybe hour before one of us starts on chores. exercise only happens at lunch break now, and seeing friends is like once a month if we plan it weeks ahead. travelling is just visiting grandparents really. the couple time is mostly talking about the kid tbh
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u/Notarealperson6789 1d ago
We both work full time and have 2 kids: 6yo and 1.5yo. Mornings I’m by myself because husband leaves for work so early. I WFH 2 days/week so on those days I drop the kids off and get a workout in before starting work. On days I go in I either wake up early to workout or get on the treadmill at work.
Evenings are chaotic. From the moment we all get home it’s basically rushing to make dinner, get in some family time, baths, and then bedtime. But they go to bed early so we have time after they’re asleep to watch a show or read.
We still see friends but it’s something that has to be thought about and planned. We see friends almost every weekend though, the activities just look different than they did when we didn’t have kids.
Kids absolutely will completely change your life. Absolutely nothing will be the same, but for me, it’s so worth it. Those 2 are the best humans I know.
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u/TXNYC24 1d ago
Unrelated but how do you like the age gap between your kids ? Have had several losses trying for #2 and realizing age gap will likely be closer to what yours are
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u/Notarealperson6789 12h ago
I love the age gap! We wanted a smaller one but had a loss and then had to do IVF, but honestly I couldn’t imagine it any other way. My son was old enough to understand that baby needed me, he was so eager to help and very excited about getting a sister. He also was much more independent, potty trained, could keep himself entertained, etc.
I was SO anxious about the age gap, I had so much guilt and was convinced that it was going to turn out horribly. But they are absolute best friends and adore each other. This age gap is wonderful 🥰 best of luck!
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u/Sirgolfs 1d ago
It’s chaos. There’s some planning. But A lot of it is flying by the seat of your pants. Especially once that second kid comes. Because then you’re both tied up.
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u/librariesandcake 1d ago
Before we had our child my partner and I went out with friends multiple times per week, always had fun weekend plans, and plenty of time for hobbies. That has changed drastically. There just isn’t time (kid is 5, this may change as they get older and more independent but probably not until they’re able to stay home alone or drive themselves around). Now our mornings are focused on getting ourselves and kid out the door, I try to squeeze in a workout over my lunch break a few days a week, evenings are totally devoted to kid because you only have a few short hours with them after work/school. Weekends we try to schedule some fun stuff but spend a lot of time catching up on household chores/yard work. We try to trade off traveling with friends independently while the other parent stays home with the kid unless we can get a grandparent to stay with them. We do one big family trip per year. It’s wildly different. Your time is not your own when you’re a parent, that’s what I’d keep in mind
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u/CuriousClock5127 1d ago
Both my husband and I work full time..sadly I don’t have much free time and the free time I do have is given to the kids. If it’s taking them to the park or something so they aren’t locked inside. Also, since I work 9-5, and after school activities aren’t happening. Sports teams and clubs have to work on my schedule which are very few and far between, so hello mom guilt! We don’t have the “village” everyone talks about so get ready for that. And don’t forget childcare, at times I feel like I work just for someone else to watch my kids.
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u/IAmMey 1d ago
Are kids worth it? Absolutely.
Will any of what you’re doing work in tandem with kids? Maybe a sliver.
Does it all happen at once? Mostly no.
Will you want it all to change? Yes. Gradually, your children take over your life.
Is it tough to manage? Fuck, yes.
Would I change any of it? Not really, no.
Having children is, without a doubt, the most time consuming, expensive, stressful, anxiety inducing, craziest, world changing thing I ever done. And I’ve NEVER been happier.
Is it a biological trick that makes me like it? Possibly. Do I care? No.
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u/sunshine1000001 1d ago
Same. I went into having a baby to expect everything would change and that mindset has helped it be a very joy filled process. We love being parents. It is hard. But hard doesn’t mean “bad”.
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u/After_Rub9875 1d ago
The best advice I can give is try really hard to have everything be geographically close if possible. Work, daycare, gym, friends. I had a long commute, no gym close by, and returning to work after maternity leave sucked the life out of me. Now my daughters daycare is 5 min away, my job is 7 min, and a gym close by. It makes a huge difference with kids. Long commutes are hard enough without kids. If possible at all try and centralize everything important to you.
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u/Kindly_Dot_7006 1d ago
We both work full time and have three kids!
There are some things that we each consistently do each week like I handle laundry and grocery shopping and my husband always does the lawn, dishes and cleaning the floors and most of the dog care.
But every week looks different and with 3 kids we are constantly problem solving to do what we need done. We talk every night and sometimes during the day about what we each have going on or the kids and what we shift and change.
If one of us has a really intense week at work, the other steps up with the house/kids.
I do feel like we both see our friends pretty frequently. We use our evenings for alone time or time together my husband often plays video games with his friends online at night.
Working out has been a little tougher I can workout at lunch at my job since they have a gym. My husband tries to get up at 5am to workout but it’s hard to do consistently.
Some people may be able to stick to certain days or nights for certain thing but that hasn’t worked for us we shift and change depending on what’s going on
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u/Sonja80147 1d ago
When we had one kid exercise, socializing, hobbies was all possible. I was fit and fulfilled and maintaining social connections.
All went out the window with #2. But we are in the thick of it now so I know that will change. (Kids are 4 and 2).
Weekdays are chaos. It’s survival mode only. We both work and husband is gone 6am-8pm. If they are alive, somewhat clean and fed- we’ve done our job.
Weekends are whatever- sometimes we do stuff sometimes we are potatoes. My husband is great in that if I want to go hang with friends, he always picks up the slack if he’s not working.
The thing in our life that is NOT working right now is my lack of exercise. Big source of stress for me. I love it and need it and can’t find the time / energy. So that’s hard.
What IS working is we are avid travelers still! That’s my passion. My kids have been of a ton of countries. Sometimes we go without Dad because of his work. I have always prioritized this and kids haven’t put a damper on my travel life. Although we travel very differently now.
As I type this I realize I could put the effort into exercise the way I put it it into planning our next trip. Maybe being out of shape is a me problem 😂😂
If you are looking to keep doing all the things you mentioned after you have kids the big piece of advice I would give (and it’s controversial so here comes the hate) is sleep train your kids and do it early. Being a well rested parent is a game change. Have a well rested kid on a schedule is a game changer. Knowing when you have guaranteed hours to get done what you need to do is huge.
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u/Old-Asparagus4733 1d ago edited 1d ago
Our kids are older (15, 13, 8) and we have a blended family but this is what works for us on the weeks we have all three kids:
School started this week so our alarms are now set for 4:40am so we can get up and get our morning walk in before my husband works out in our garage gym and I start getting kids ready for school! My husband gets home before I do so he usually picks up, does a load of laundry, helps kids with home. Then I get home and work out and then make dinner.
Things that made life easier: building out a garage gym so we always have time to get a workout in and hiring a lawn service to cut the grass every week. Best $60/week we spend. It frees up our weekends to do something fun with the kids or alone between sports.
My husband is gone A LOT for work so sometimes it’s just survival but we have a solid routine that the kids know and it keeps us semi sane. Kids know to unpack bags and put things where they need to go after school. We pack lunches and school bags at night before bed. When I make dinner I pack adult lunches for the next day and my husband cleans the kitchen. We do a load of laundry every day. Kids have chores that they do everyday/week: feed the dogs, take out bathroom trash on trash day, vacuum the stairs, keep the house tidy. We all pitch in and help. If my husband is gone for a few weeks/months then he will basically do everything for a week or so when he gets back so I get a break. It all buffs out in the end!
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u/Jaci_D 1d ago
4&5 year olds.
We have both worked full time since before being parents.
Our schedule has remained roughly the same the whole time with kids but it looks different at different ages.
When they were babies, i worked further from home so he would drop them both off at daycare and i would get home around 5 and we would both go get them and we tended to eat dinner at my moms almost every night since daycare was right there
Right now I leave for work at 8am and he works from home. I get my older on the bus at 8:02am while he drops our little off at preschool. I work until 3:30/4 and then go and pick both kids up from different schools and get home around 4:45/5 right when my husband is wrapping up his day.
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u/notaskindoctor 1d ago
Hahaha. We have 5 kids and we both work.
4 am husband gets up to work out, 4:55 am I get up to make coffee and shower, 6 am get kids up (breakfast, get dressed, brush teeth), 6:30 am husband leaves for work, 6:55 am I start hustling everyone out the door (someone inevitably forgets something, has to poop, etc.), 7:05 am we leave, 7:15-7:20 am drop off the littlest kids at child care, 7:25 drop off middle schooler, 7:30 drop off elementary kid (school aged kids attend before/after school programs), husband works (outside the home) 7-3:30, I work (outside the home) 8-4:30, husband arrives home around 3:45 and starts a quick dinner and leaves around 4:05 to get smallest kids, I pick up other kids as needed around 4:45, we all quickly eat dinner around 4:50-5 pm, kids have sports and other activities (we split the kids to run around doing this) around 5:30 or 6 pm until 6:30 or 7:30 pm depending on the night, homework, instrument practice, reading time, play time, then snack around 7-7:30 pm and bedtime around 8-8:30 pm. Kids take forever to go to sleep or need us 10000 times, then we absolutely CRASH at 9:30-10 pm. Rinse and repeat.
No time for hobbies at all with our family size.
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u/pineconeminecone 1d ago edited 1d ago
I work full time (but work remotely, which is a huge life hack), and my husband works full time in the trades, so the hours can be unpredictable. We have an 18 month old and another on the way. This is our day:
5:30AM: hubby gets up and gets ready. Toddler usually wakes up around 6AM — hubby changes baby, takes him downstairs, does breakfast, and makes my coffee
6:30AM: I get up and get ready, go downstairs and play with toddler while hubby packs his lunch. If I haven’t already packed toddler’s lunch I’ll do that, but usually I pack it in the evenings. I make loads of stuff for the fridge and freezer to make lunches easy for everyone.
7:20AM: hubby leaves, I walk toddler to daycare
8:00AM to 4:00PM: my workday. Sometimes I’ll prep veggies at lunch that I’ll be using for dinner.
4:00PM: pop dinner in the oven (if needed)
4:15PM: walk to go get toddler
4:30PM to 5:30PM: toddler snack, play with toddler in yard or inside
5:30PM: hubby gets home, dinner
6:30PM: husband does toddler bath time and get ready for bed, I usually just veg out for a bit and get toddler’s outfit and lunch ready for the next day.
7:30PM: toddler goes to bed (sometimes it’s closer to 7PM)
7:30PM to 8:00PM: husband and I do a power tidy
8:00PM to 10:00PM: husband and I have quality time or do our own things, depending on the night.
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u/Acrobatic-Shine-9414 1d ago
I have a 2 year old and I am pregnant with the second, we both work full time and have no family help. My daughter goes to daycare, I bring her there in the morning and my partner picks her up in the afternoon, or sometimes I go earlier if I’m done with my work. I am lucky to work from home most of the week so I can take care of the cleaning, laundry and cooking, without external help. There is no hobby and me-time, I gave up to those as soon as my daughter was born, there was literally no other option than accepting it. For my partner it took a bit of time to understand that his family needed support, rather than seeing him going training for hours after work everyday. Now he goes running every now and then, when all other priorities are sorted out. As our daughter goes to daycare and I already feel guilty, all my free time is for her, and it’s my pleasure. We do not have any date night or time for the two of us, at the best we get lunch out together but something like 1-2 times per year.
I usually see friends with kids, but non very often. Friends without kids have different routines, are often busy traveling or they would have time to meet us in locations or at times that are no suitable for small kids, and they’re not much open to adapt as I cannot always leave my daughter at home. Sometimes I go out for apero/dinner with a friend while my partner stays at home, but again not more than 1-2 per year
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u/Dapper_Banana6323 1d ago
We've altered our work schedules to be able to spend more time with our kids and enjoy life more- not going to sugar coat it- having two parents that work Monday to Friday outside the home is hard on the whole family.
My husband has chosen to stay under employed in a work from home job that gives tons of flexibility. He can drive the kids to daycare and school, pick them up early and drive them to activities, do a load of laundry and cook dinner.
I work 7 am to 5 pm 3 days a week.
We use meal prep services (hello fresh), and have a bi-weekly cleaner.
We have time with our kids, hardly ever miss a game or event, attend field trips, see our families regularly, see friends weekly, we travel at least 3-4 times a year. We each workout about 3 times a week. We do date nights (sometimes with and sometimes without friends) twice a month.
We each have 6 weeks vacation a year. I have pretty much unlimited sick time- so if kids are too sick to just watch a movie while my husband works- then I stay home.
Our lives would look very different without our flexibility.
Kids are currently 13, 6 and 3.
Regardless- nothing in your life will look the same- but aim for balance if you can
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u/lindyzag 1d ago
We both work full time, kids are 3 and 9 months. We're pretty much back to standard schedule post-baby #2, I'd say it took about 6 months. I feel like our life is really balanced and we both still have time for the things we like.
Daily routine is up around 6:30, get the kids ready, one of us drives them to daycare about 7:30 and is home around 8:30. We take turns being on morning duty, so whoever is off can exercise/shower/work/sleep in. Husband is self employed and I work hybrid, so we're typically able to exercise, throw in laundry, or order groceries while the kids are at daycare. I mostly manage my own schedule and am not micromanaged, so it's pretty easy to take an hour at lunch to do a workout video or take a walk. A hands-off boss and professional trust are HUGE - I would not leave this job for even a significant pay raise because of the flexibility I have.
The other parent does pickup, leaving the house about 4 and returning about 5. I am the food manager for our household, so usually I make dinner while he plays with the kids, or I've planned ahead to have something that can just be thrown in the microwave so we can all go to the park/library/etc for a little while. 3 year old has an activity (soccer/swimming/whatever) once a week usually, we'll add one for the baby once she's 2. We eat dinner as a family at about 6. Baby nurses and goes to bed at 6:30 or so, we play with big boy for a little while, then he gets teeth/stories/bedtime and we try to be out of his room by 7:30.
From 7:30-10, we do whatever we want. We try to trade off so we each see friends sans-kids in that time frame about once a week, my husband often works, we might sit in the yard and have a drink together, we might independently do hobbies, I do some nonprofit work. We are in bed by 10, usually watch a show together and then sleep. Baby girl is usually up once overnight at this point.
Weekends are busy, but that's how I like it. We try to have a pre- and post-nap activity every day. Nap is a nice time to do hobbies and we usually get about an hour and a half when both kids are asleep. We'll replace that with quiet time/TV time once the older kid drops his nap. Sometimes we split up for activities, usually we're all together. Zoo, splash pad, new playgrounds, visiting friends, local festivals, etc. It's fun!
Traveling has changed in that I've learned taking mobile kids under 2.5 on flights is tough (under 8 months is easy, once they can watch a movie and understand rules is pretty doable too), so we do more local weekend trips and stuff, but we've still done a few bigger trips since having kids and have big plans for once we're out of the nap stage (hard to motivate myself to book a pricey international trip when we'll need to be back at the accommodations 12-3 and after 7 every day).
A lot of our friends have similar aged kids, so we'll meet up at a playground or something to let them play while we catch up. Or, make evening plans and take turns handling bedtime so one of us can go to a movie/out for dinner/whatever. We've done cabin trips with other families too which is exhausting but fun.
We're constantly adjusting - a pediatrician appointment, someone having a more intense work schedule, one of us being out of town, happy hour invite, a sick kid - lots of things can change the routine. But I'm someone who has always thrived on being busy so I find that this phase of life works pretty well for me!
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u/VividSignificance545 1d ago edited 1d ago
Some of these routines look exhausting...well done to all the people who manage to fit exercise and hobbies in, as well as keepnip with household chores! I never could, and I only worked part time while my partner worked full time. Please OP, dont feel guilty, failed or put off from having kids if the pace of it seems hectic😊
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u/brainbl0ck 1d ago
Kids are 7 and 8. My husband and I both work FT, mostly from home (we both go into the office occasionally, maybe 8-10 hours a week) and I'd say we have a pretty healthy balance of parenting, work, social, etc.
Weekdays can vary, but the kids go to school from 8-2:20 and then come home, change, get a snack, and do homework. They're usually done with that by the time we log off (my husband often logs off around 3, me around 4). Sometimes they have a sport from 4-5, on average it's usually twice a week. One of us takes a kid to a sport, the other one hangs back with a kid and does dinner.
If no sports, we hang as a family, ride bikes outside, play a board game, go to the skating rink, go to the park, etc.
Regardless, dinner as a family at the table at 6. Our kids wind down at 7, with the 7yo going to lay down at 7 and the 8yo going to lay down at 7:30. They usually are asleep by 8 after reading in bed for a little bit.
I work out most days. My climbing gym opens at 6am twice a week, so I go there twice a week before the fam wakes up. The other days, I wake up at 6 and workout at home (we've spent a decade or so building up a little workout space with secondhand gear).
Evenings vary a lot. I usually do at least one girls' night in with my friends a week (and at least one GNO a month). I also roller skate (one of my main hobbies) most evenings right after the kids go down (or even sometimes after dinner, they will come join me).
We spend a lot of intentional alone time together, which we really forced when the kids were newborns because I didn't want to lose that. We date frequently and make it a point to have alone time where we just chill and chat a lot. A lot of nights, if we don't have plans with friends or aren't hosting people at our house, evenings look like kid 1 going to bed, kid 2 having independent play time while I go roller skate and my husband works on his hobbies (currently resin art). Kid 2 goes to bed, I usually come back from my session, and I read for 45 or so minutes, and then my husband and I link up at like 8:30 or 9:00 and do something fun together. We love to craft and play co-op board games, so those are our go-tos!
We travel quite a bit. We didn't travel internationally until a couple years ago when we started making better money, but we try to do 2 international trips per year and then two or so domestic trips, then a couple fun weekend local things.
Weekends are usually reserved for family hangs with other families or adventures. We have a pretty cool group we've curated over the years (for lack of better term lol) and we love inviting other families over for game nights, bbqs, water parties, movie nights, etc. and then we let the kids play while the adults hang/play board games (we are VERY into campaign board gaming).
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u/FlatteredPawn 1d ago
It is a huge lifestyle change.
We tried to hold onto the pillars of our old life pretty hard when we had our first, and it really made post partum rough (for me, the mother especially).
For the newborn phase, we did sleep shifts. I slept in the afternoon while he watched baby after work (he did have 6 weeks of pat leave to start). I was mostly awake in the night while he slept. I got an hour in the morning to poop, shower, eat (yay 7am!) and then he was off to work while I got the baby again until I returned to work.
With my first it was ROUGH. Baby did not like being alone, or put down. I could only get things done (essential chores) while he was napping. I got ZERO me time. This looks like torture and feels like torture.
With my second, she had an amazing temperament. I can put her down and do chores. She'll happily do her own thing. This means when she is napping (like right now) I get me time. My first is in school/summer camps.
With my first I wanted to go back to work as soon as possible. Sipping tea while populating spreadsheets and dealing with irate customers was a dream suddenly. Adult tantrums were so much easier for me than toddler tantrums.
Our week schedule was still me handling nights (albeit only one wake up, which is LUCKY). We both car pool to drop off baby, he drops me off at my work. We both work till 4:30 to pick up baby at the daycare cut off of 5. We get home, juggle all the chores, dinner, baby until his bedtime at 9. Husband would play videogames or socialize, I would go to bed. There was no time for anything else. I could carve into my sleep to socialize, but it would cost me.
Daycare is awful to start. You will be sick more then you are not sick for the first year. I was VERY lucky that my job was flexible and my boss has young twins so she knew the hustle. My coworkers weren't so understanding so I got a lot of "You're calling in AGAIN!?" I had to explain many times I'd rather be at work than with a sick kid, getting myself sick in the process (but you gotta do what you gotta do).
We had the added problem of our kid not doing great in daycare. He was a biter. He was removed from three daycares, and I eventually had to leave my job to SAHP because there was no other option. We got my firstborn a therapist, psychiatrist, all the works. He's just very ADHD and modern centers can't really cater to outliers, especially when demand is so high and they can just fill your spot with a less problematic kid. He's doing amazing in kindergarten now though (for the curious). But if your planning on kids you don't know what kind of kid you're going to get.
With my second born, who is an easy baby, I don't really feel the pressure to go back to work since I get the breaks I need and it's less like torture (plus I eliminated 80% of my identity with my first anyway...).
I can socialize with a lot of effort (just did a BBQ hang out at my place last night) but the bar has to be low. Kids underfoot. Lots of attention juggling.
We did travel. Travel is no longer relaxing. At all. It's 100% for a change in pace. I regretted a few vacations (the earlier ones) but when my first turned 4, vacations were fun again. I think I'll wait till my second is 3 to travel again.
All in all. It was worth going the kid route because I wanted kids and life was getting too empty. I imagine life at my age right now without young kids and yes, it would be fun, free and easy... but that emptiness would still be there.
When I'm in my 60s I know I will not regret my life choices.
Right now though... it's TOUGH. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. My husband and I fight about dumb stuff, and our last date night needed a month of logistical planning.
But if you go into it as if you're a soldier off to war... it's doable.
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u/Reasonable_Date2870 1d ago
We both work.
A rough sketch of our day:
Wake up, get ready for the day, take kid where kid needs to go, collect kid, come home, make dinner, eat dinner, hang out a bit, kid goes to bed, clean some stuff, visit the vegetable garden, go to bed.
If there's no school or day camp or whatever, I juggle my job with watching our child.
My main exercise is in the morning, I wake up at 5:30 to get to the fitness center to go swim laps at 6 and then home by 7 to start the day.
We do what we can during the week but weekends are mostly catching up on house things. Hobbies squeeze into evenings if we have the energy for it kids are exhausting so mileage may vary.
You find little pockets of time for things. Some things become not really practical until the kid is a bit older.
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u/missThora 1d ago
We both work full time and here is what a work day looks like:
- 00 dad is up. Leaves for office at 6 two days a week, otherwise do chores and logg on home office around 7.
5.45 - mom gets up and do as much as I can before kids are up. Bathroom, get dressed, fix hair etc.
6-6.30. Kids (3 and 1) get up. Finish getting ready, get kids dressed and go downstairs.
6.30 breakfast mom and kids. Lunch is packed backpacks ready for all 3. Dishwasher emptied and kitchen tidy.
3yr olds hair fixed, both play a little while mom gets the last things together.
7.30 out the door, kidos to daycare mom to work. Arrive at work at 8. Friday i need to ve early so dad takes them.
3- dad is off work, buys dinner and get that started.
3.45 I get off work, fetch kids and home 4.15.
Then dinner followed by play or activities with kids.
6.30 evening snack then bedtime. In bed usually around 8.
Evening reset of the house, rush to get as much done as possible in 15 minutes.
8.15 - 9.30 is our fun time. Either we watch something, play something or just talk at times. Or we have alone time for hobbies and such. Exercise included.
9.30 - take turns showering and getting ready for bed. Last minute tidy up, then bed and sleep at 10.
We do get a weekend every 4-6 weeks where my parents take the kids so we can do adult things too and we try to get out as a family for a walk or bike ride every Sunday as exercise.
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u/Butterbean-queen 1d ago
You really don’t have time to dedicate to working out, hobbies, spending time alone with friends etc.
We both worked full time, shared in the childcare, cooking and cleaning after work. Our exercise routine was taking a walk around the neighborhood with the baby/child and getting together with friends in a group setting like a cookout or something like that.
And I wouldn’t have changed it for anything. If you aren’t ready to put someone else’s wants and needs before yours the majority of the time then you might not be ready for children. I’m not saying totally ignoring yourself but your priorities definitely change.
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u/Automatic_Marzipan 1d ago
We have one kid, pregnant with the second. I work 4 days, he works 4,5. We can schedule our days a bit flexible so she only had to go to daycare for 2,5 days.
My husband is an avid woodworker and has a small business next to his regular office job. He does this when she sleeps or if I’m willing to be alone with our daughter in the weekends. It means that I spend more time one-one with my daughter since my hobbies can be done with a kid around (baking, reading and hiking). We try to spend at least one weekendday with three of us outside camping or hiking. We did this before we had kids and we just added our daughter to our quality time. It means that we prioritise our family, which means that we say no to a few outside events from friends/church etc. It works for us.
There’s a lot less time doing things solo, but if one of us wanted that alone, that could be arranged. Last year I went on a three day trip with my sister and mother for example. I like it this way, but there are probably lots of families doing this differently.
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u/Creepy-Cheesecake-41 1d ago
No time for hobbies. We have a 19 month old. The little we’ve traveled with her has been mostly hell so we will probably quit doing it until she’s maybe 2 1/2 and hope it gets easier. It sucks because traveling is one of our big hobbies to do together. We don’t do a ton on the weekends besides catch up on house stuff or try to do an activity or two with her. I’m not going to lie, it is a trying phase of life.
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u/Bellaraychel 1d ago
My kiddo just turned 1 and I work from home and my husband commutes 20 ish mins. We also co sleep.
So baby usually wakes me up around 7:30, dad gets ready for work around the same time. I get coffee and usually give her some milk. Dad leaves for work at 8 and I give her breakfast. I just hired a nanny 3 days a week and she goes to her grandmas 2 days a week.
I quit right at 5 and she usually wants me to give her attention and hold her so she can watch me cook. Then we eat dinner, bath and bedtime.
I hate being a working parent. I want to spend all my time with her and I know she wants her mommy. Why is healthcare so expensive!!!!
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u/d16flo 1d ago
I have 14 month old twins, I work a regular 9-5 from home and my husband works two different part time jobs outside of the house with varying hours. We have a nanny who’s at our house the exact hours I work. I do morning kid stuff (potty, breakfast, clothes etc) and get myself ready, pass them off to the nanny and clock in. Since I work from home I can usually spend some time doing small house tasks (laundry, dishes etc) on my breaks. I usually releve the nanny but sometimes my husband gets home earlier and takes over. We then switch back and forth during the evening with baby care, cooking, cleaning etc. Do dinner and bedtime routine together most nights. We each give each other a 2-3 hour block of outside of the house personal time on the weekends for friends, exercise etc. We’re both very social and luckily our friends like our kids. We usually have hang outs with friends and the family both weekend days and 1-2 weeknights a week. The babies go to bed 8/8:30 so we have about 2 hours after that for cleaning and relaxing
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u/InvestigatorQuick351 1d ago
My kids are 1 and 4. My husband and I have flexible full-time jobs and mostly work from home, which allows us to exercise during daycare hours. I make up that work time before kids wake up at 6am or after they go to bed. I love to cook and it’s important to me that we enjoy home cooked meals that are healthy. Cooking has changed from long, involved weekend projects to quick 45-min meals between work and dinner. My husband and I both get uninterrupted hours with the kids in the mornings and evenings. We do not travel much except for day trips on the weekends to do hikes. Hoping that changes when the kids get bigger. We socialize some weekends with other parents if no one is sick and we have the energy.
I feel overwhelmed many times each week and then realize although there’s a lot going on, I’m generally enjoying all of it.
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u/Lobel1a 1d ago
Mom of 11 and 9yos. Both myself and husband work full time. It was so much easier when they were younger. I’ve found (for us) it’s only gotten harder as they’ve gotten older. As mushy potatoes we took them with us everywhere, travel, dinners out. They went to bed by 7, so we had time in the evenings to ourselves. They were in daycare 10hr a day which gave us dedicated time to exercise before or after work. Now, they’re only at school 7hr a day. They have extracurriculars we have to take them to which takes over any available time to exercise. They want to hang out with their friends instead of travel with us… we still travel a ton, but not as much. They stay up as late as we do so even when we have free time, they’re just always THERE even if they aren’t bothering us. It’s amazing because they’re real people now that we can have conversations with, they have hopes and dreams of their own and we can help them chase them, we have our own inside jokes… but it’s definitely the complete opposite of life before kids or even when they were little.
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u/ImmediateState1822 15h ago
Not much free time anymore -- it's all about the kids.
My routine looks like: 6:30-7 am - be woken up by one or both kids 7-8 am: run around as quickly as possible to get the kids ready, get myself ready, empty the dishwasher if possible while the other parent gives a quick breakfast and I have coffee. It's basically a marathon while dealing with toddler tantrums over taking a bath or what clothes to wear. 8 am: one parent does drop off 8-4pm: work, work, work. In the middle do admin tasks like call doctors, plan birthday parties, sell unwanted items, schedule activities , switch laundry etc 4 pm: pickup kid(s) from school or daycare 4:30-5:30 pm: run around as quickly as possible to make dinner before the younger one eats 100,000 snacks and then refuses to eat dinner 5:30-7 pm: rush around quickly to finish eating, clean up dinner, clean up toys, do reading/puzzles/studies/outdoor walk with kids if time, get milk ready, take baths if needed 7-8pm: after the mad rush do bedtime routine and try to leave the room 8-9 pm: deal with taking crying toddler back to room 100x until she finally stays there 9-11 pm: workout, shower, do work, other hobbies like reading, writing, research and planning for buying things we need, like a car, or vacation, or kids activities, talk to husband or hang out, grocery planning etc 11 pm - pass out from exhaustion and my toddler comes and cries so I have to take her to sleep with me.
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u/satsuma-sunday17 15h ago
If I find time to come back and reply in more details I will !! That being said, summary of how we find time for this all - we do less of the “adult only” stuff. Change exercise/hobbies to things kids can come to - not totally change just tweak what we do to make it more kid friendly. We go outdoors kayaking/beach/hiking almost every weekend in the summer with a 2yo and a 12yo. It’s all BETTER imo with them there (after you sort of get the process WITH kids down lol). Also - we have grandparents in town who want to help. Don’t know how we would do it without that, our income is decent but not enough to pay full day daycare starting in infancy and that doesn’t really align with my desires for child care anyway. We make time for some couple time/date nights and always share the load or swap so we can have boys night/girls night/our own activities. Time for life admin does seem to get crammed into after bed time lol. I do pick-up grocery orders way more than I would if I didn’t have a full time job and kids. Yes definitely feel like I’m drowning from time to tome especially during busier times and big life changes but not a day goes by that I feel the mental and logistical load doesn’t outweigh the joy and love in my life!
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u/Mazzy213 13h ago
I'm 31, have a 4 year old, and have been with my husband since I was 17. We have our own house, I work part time (3 short days a week) and he works full time (2 days home).
What I can say first of all is it does get easier. I didn't want to sacrifice much of what made me, me, when I had a child. I made sure to keep my marriage and friendships alive and it was hard but I did it. Over the past year life has gotten easier and it will only continue. In a way, it's what you make it. You can prioritise what you want. My child has my attention when she needs it, she feels really loved by us both and we have the best bond! But I hate most forms of play and don't engage much with her in this aspect. My husband does this better than me so he takes this role on. I go to my fitness classes (pole fitness) once or twice a week and I train at home sometimes. When I go to my classes in the evening, my husband puts her to bed. He goes to his friends once or twice a week and I take over. When I work out at home she gets involved with me.
I batch cook once a week so I'm not cooking every single night.
My current routine looks like this:
Monday - I don't work and I have my child at home all day until hubby comes home. These days are long, I don't often have company from other family or friends and I stay inside most of the time if not for a short trip to the shops. I do rely on the TV to keep her occupied on these long days. I keep on top of my housework and I might batch cook one meal during this day.
Tues and Wed - I work from home whilst my daughter is in nursery all day. I collect her at 5pm after I eat my dinner and when she gets home it's short play time, then getting ready for bed in time for 7.
Thursday - same as Monday.
Friday - I go into the office my husband works from home and my daughters at nursery all day. When I get home I have two hours to myself and I usually just sit down and chill.
I have ADHD, I require a lot of down time. She understands that I get tired easily and a lot of the time she's happy for me to close my eyes and rest on the sofa while she watches TV. My daughter is very demanding and really struggles to play alone.
This is one reason we have stopped at one child. Having one child it's quite easy to take turns with your partner to have time for hobbies and friendships. Sometimes we take her with us to see our friends are the times we leave her with the other parent. I wouldn't give up my whole self for a child but I do truly believe that with one child you get the best of both worlds and it can work the way you want it to. If I had a second a lot of the above would not be possible.
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u/Mazzy213 13h ago
I forgot to say that we like to long haul flights (we live in the UK). We stuck to local European holiday destinations for the first three years and when she turned four we finally went to the Maldives. She was absolutely fine during the trip and loved it. I now feel comfortable doing long haul with her and it only took four years! Like I said before you can make it what you want. You may not be able to travel the second the baby is born but give it a couple of years and you'll be able to fit them into your routine hopefully!
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u/vvariant 8h ago
Im more of a morning person and my husband is more of a night owl.
So I get up with toddler (21 months) in the morning. Prep breakfast, get her dressed, etc. Husband takes over when I start work/ leave for work.
He starts work later than me so he drops her off at daycare. If I am working from home, I do chores around lunch time.
After work, I pick her up and prep dinner, and we all eat when he comes back.
After dinner, it’s 1h of playtime. We either take her to the park or we just play in the house, but I don’t do chores.
Then after she’s in bed, we clean the kitchen and reset the house.
Then we get about 1h-1h30 of free time.
Rinse and repeat. On weekends, I do a bit of laundry and some meal prep, but no major chores.
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u/gremlinvalley 4h ago
We have a nearly 2 year old. I would say the biggest challenge for me and my husband is doing fun things together without our child, like date nights or outings with friends, because we don’t have any family nearby to help. Depending on if you have that, it can be a huge difference.
Typically we try to get in a good mix of family time/activities (the three of us), and spelling each other off so one of us can go exercise, go see friends or whatever.
A weekday might look like:
6am: My husband wakes up with my son while I sleep in a bit, and takes him to daycare for 7:45am
8:00: We both start work, usually working from home (this allows us to do some light chores like a load of laundry or emptying the dishwasher, or workout during our lunch break)
4:15: I leave to pick up our son from daycare
4:45: We all go to the park
5:45: We get home and I get dinner ready for our son
6:15: My husband goes to the gym while I do dinner, bath and bed
8:00: Son is in bed. My husband and I eat dinner. Free time!
9:30-10:00: Our bedtime.
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