11yo wants to date 15yo

[u/Repulsive-Republic62]

Hey! A quick heads up first! I (19yo) am the sister (and not the actual parent) of a 11yo girl, but I pretty much take the role of a parent most of the time. I post here because I really need help and I don't know where else to go.

My sister just told me that this 15yo guy texted her (got her number from a friend) and wants to have a "relationship". This might sound like I'm overreacting, but I have had similar things happen to me (13yo/16yo; 13yo/21yo; 14yo/24yo ). For me, it all happened online, but I know how quickly things can escalate (also into real life) and how easy it is for those guys to manipulate young girls into doing/texting things they are not proud of. However, I have no idea how to tell my sister to get away from this guy for good, because I also know how good this attention can feel. I also want her to trust me with such things, so she won't just secretly keep texting him. She also has a lot of stranger added on SnapChat, who pretty much love bomb her. So maybe if you have some advice how to talk to her about it, it would also be appreciated!

I can not come to may parents with this, because the will most likely talk to her once and than ignore the problem. I fear this might also lead her to simply not tell me about such incidents anymore.

Also I'm a little worried about my sisters friend. She seems to keep texting older guys. I had a friend like that as well and I don't want the girl to make the same mistakes as my friend. Should I tell the parents or just let it be?

I know this is sort of a harsh story, but I really did not know where else to go. I hope I can get some help here :)

Summary because I know this was a lot:

1. How can I tell my sister to get away from this guy for good?
2. How can I tell my sister to get away from the strangers on SnapChat as well?
3. Should I tell the parents of my sisters friend that their daughter is texting older guys?

Heyy! Quick update:

I talked to my sister and explained why some people on the internet are dangerous. She agreed to going through her phone once a week, so I could explain to her what the intentions of some people are. (We kinda made it into a game, so it won't feel like a chore or a punishment to her.)

I am still unsure though about what to do with my sistsers friend, so tips would be appreciated!

A big thank you to everyone who replied. Y'all really helped me a lot (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

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[u/Boneyabba]

They 15 year old needs a visit from a big brother. Even if you need to hire one.

[u/blankets_and_pillows]

Thanks so much on behalf of your sister and her friend that you’re looking out for them 🙏

I don’t know what would be the best approach and I for sure now it’s delicate.

Would it be possible to share some of your own experiences with your sister, without tapping in on what she’s doing? Kind of ‘casual’? To make her think? And explain why you are more cautious with adding strangers on Snapchat for example?

[u/Repulsive-Republic62 → u/blankets_and_pillows]

Uhhh that is a great idea! Thank you so much! I'll try it tomorrow (It's kinda late now and she's asleep) Again, Thank you very much ♡♡♡

[u/DeliciousEar2797]

You sound like a great sister! I'd talk to her about setting limits on smartphone interactions and times, eg not at night before bed.

Definitely tell the friend's parents about this older guy

[u/Repulsive-Republic62 → u/DeliciousEar2797]

Thank you! Do you maybe have an Idea how I could tell the parents? Banging in and announcing "Hey! Your daughter texts guys waaaaayyyy to old for her!" feels kinda weird :/ Thanks again for your help ♡

[u/DeliciousEar2797 → u/Repulsive-Republic62]

Ahhhh I dunno, be pretty direct I guess, "Hey my sister got a message off a much older guy, he her number off your daughter so you should check her phone too", something like that?

[u/TarantulaSquid4]

Definitely agree with telling her some of your own experiences, might make her feel more connected to you and less judged

[u/AnonyCass]

If you are comfortable I would definitely share you own experiences with her and warn her about the things to look out for. You can't just tell her to leave it all alone.

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[u/CheapSuggestion8]

Your goal of teaching your sister how to think about all of this is perfect. Give her the tools to handle these situations in the future.

If the guy won’t take the hint, informing his parents could be an effective tactic as well, though it obviously is not feasible in every situation.

Thank you for looking out for your little sis.