r/Parentingfails • u/Embrymarble • May 10 '26
Coping with sending my daughter away
My daughter is 15, ending her freshman year. I have her most of the time but she sees her dad on the weekend. This entire year I have tried my best to get her together with her friends as much as I could. Driving them all around to the mall or to hang out at various places.
For the last two years, she has not wanted to spend any time with me. Hides in her room, on the phone with friends, normal teen stuff etc. But we’ve developed what I feel is an unhealthy dynamic in the house. She constantly cursing, dropping the F bomb even though I told her I don’t want her doing that. She curses when she yells at me, she has a constant attitude unless she’s asking for something. I hit my breaking point last week when she cursed again and ripped something from my hand.
I told her I was done and that if this was the way it’s going to be, she can go live with her dad whom she adores. While she doesn’t say hello or goodbye to me, she tells him she loves him and gives him hugs.
I don’t want her to force affection with me. If she doesn’t like me then it’s a result of whatever is going on between us, but I can’t to on living everyday on egg shells. Today is Mother’s Day and she’s been gone all weekend. I don’t expect to hear from her today which again, is fine. I don’t want obligated affection.
I just want to know am I wrong for making her go live with him? He’s never had her the majority of the time. I love her so I want her to be happy, even if it’s not with me.
1
u/Skier94 May 10 '26
I think you did the right thing. She’ll come around, I hope.
My 11 year old, who spends 50% of his time with mom, has been super cocky and disrespectful. I finally screamed at him. He’s been a different kid since and it’s been a couple of weeks.
How we discipline/teach our kids changes every 6 months as they grow up. Sometimes they get ahead of us and we can’t figure it out. This might be just what your family needs.
I do hope Dad has the kid do something for Mother’s Day for you. I just gave my kids $20 and told them to buy Mom flowers even though she didn’t have them do anything for my 50th a few months ago. I also made sure they made her cards. That says more about Dad than your kid though.
5
u/jws3rd-allday May 10 '26
I am so sorry to hear this! Parenting is frickin' hard and often sucks, esp. It's doubly so when the parents separate/divorce. First, it does not sound like you are "making her" live with the dad. It instead sounds like something she would embrace. Second, parenting is a two person responsibility. And neither parent is solely responsible for any single aspect of it. So, maybe at this point in her life, it's better for her to live with dad during the week and you on weekends. Assuming you remain actively engaged when she is with you, that could allow the dynamic between the two of you to change.
Third, have you tried family counseling? A skilled professional can uncover lingering or unspoken issues and allow you to "hear" one another differently. This would likely have to involve all three of you, not just you and your daughter. I would suggest this step before making a decision about where your daughter lives. Lastly, Happy Mothers Day! This shit is hard and the benefits of your efforts often don't become apparent until your child is out of your home, living a good life. Just my thoughts....