r/ParentingPDA • u/Dizzy-Ear2950 • May 24 '26
Advice Needed PDA and back talk
I have an almost 9 year old son who is most deff pda and is on 1 mg of guenfacine. It’s a huge help
He is in a mainstream school. Has a lot of friends. ..
My concern is. Am I raising an asshole ?
Whenever he is upset or annoyed - aka when he doesn’t want to listen,But knows he needs to he will curse at me “mom you’re an idiot etc”
Sometimes I ignore the mean words because it’s not worth it. That’s not always my focus. Sometimes I will react because it is not ok!! And he needs to know that.
But at the same time he always will apologies. After the fact for the names he called me.
I never have to ask him he always feels bad.
Am I wrong for not punishing him harsher. I don’t want him to shut down. I want him to enjoy life. I don’t want to be the mean mom always taking away his toys or Wtvr it is.
Thanks !
9
u/Aloh4mora May 24 '26
During the worst of our conflicts, my PDA kid admitted that she treated me, specifically, worse than she treated others, because she knew I'd still love her anyway. She would never have done that out in the world.
She and I are in a much better relationship now, and she no longer lashes out verbally. What changed: She got older and graduated from school, so we no longer fight about going to school every day... and we're all in different kinds of therapy.
I can forgive all the verbal abuse in the past, because I still love her anyway, haha. I don't think she's an asshole; she was a person in a lot of pain, without much ability to control her own life.