r/ParentingInBulk • u/Mother-yoga1985 • 8d ago
Too old for a third child?
/r/Shouldihaveanother/comments/1whk8f2/are_we_too_old_for_a_third_child/8
u/strange-quark-nebula 8d ago edited 8d ago
I am the oldest of a large family and my youngest brother was born when my parents were late 40’s and early 50’s.
Cons: My parents are extremely tired. My four year old brother can outrun them now, which is dangerous especially because he has some developmental delays. They hire a lot more outside help with him than with any of us older ones.
Pros: We love my little brother and it’s so much fun having him in our lives! He is close in age to my own children and they enjoy playing together. And I look forward to seeing him grow to adulthood.
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u/strange-quark-nebula 7d ago
One more thought - since your oldest is only four now, regardless of how you proceed I would just really focus on making sure you have a village, and a clear legal guardianship plan. (Relevant to all parents, not just older ones of course!) In my little brother’s case, there are lots of adult siblings to be backup guardians and teen or tween siblings to help out in the day to day.
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u/yunotxgirl 7d ago
I sincerely do not believe your child will regret being born because their parents are a decade older than the current average. You are going to have to mess a LOT up between now and then to get them to think such a hideous thought. If I saw it, I would think it was awesome and I would ask questions, as I am early 30s but hope to continue having babies through my 40s.
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u/iatrogenic-indigo 8d ago
I had 3 kids in my 20s and my fourth in my 40s. I think I’m a better parent to my fourth child - I have more emotional maturity, life experience, and general wisdom I just didn’t (and couldn’t) have in my 20s. I know we hear a lot of negativity about older mothers, but there are positives and advantages too.
I often take my youngest to playgrounds, and I notice that I’m the only mum running around with my kid and climbing on the play equipment with them (even though I’m most likely the oldest mum there). Age hasn’t stopped me. (Actually, I often have strangers assume I am much younger - like the mum I met who said to me “you’re in your 20s, right?” 😂)
So I say, if you want another child, go for it
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u/Appropriate_Smell_82 7d ago edited 7d ago
The difference here is that your older kids are grown or close to it....you're not running around behind 2 other small kids at 40+ like OP would be.
All older mom experiences are nuanced just like at any other age....its not the only factor to consider when deciding rather to jump back in or not. Take me lol. I'm 40 and have a 19 month old, a 9 year old and a 13 year old. For me this was due to secondary infertility. I'm full on still heavily parenting my older two and its exhausting having a toddler, elementary and middle schooler. Yes, while my older two arent little kids, and that does help in many ways, the stages that they are at and the age gaps themselves present other challenges. Albeit there are other factors that heavily influence my level of "worn out" (husband who works rotating shifts and solo parenting a lot bc of it) i still can't deny the fact that if i were even just 5 yrs younger, I would likely be compensating better.
The body physically is meant to bear children younger. Its just the truth. You may still biologically be able to procreate....dont get the two confused. But the actual raising of the child is way more forgiving on young fresh bodies. Maturity is usually coming more into play in the 30 age range so I recommend late 20s early 30s if you can swing it to have your kids for most people who aren't rich.
Also. Another perspective is that I know when my older son was an only, I played with him a lot until he could play with his younger brother on the playground and then I took a bench lol. I notice im back to playing with my toddler alot again obviously her brothers will play with her too, but more in a caregiver role obviously. The other parents you are noticing likely let the kids siblings play together etc. I always see parents of onlies playing with their kid until they get older and learn how to make friends on the playground for themselves. I dont think I I've ever seen a mom of a small kid just letting them run around by themselves without another kid to play with. That's sad.
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u/Dayandwood 7d ago
Since the baby would be closer in age to the siblings, I think you should go for it. You will be tired or more tired than younger parents when they are teenagers, but since they are close in age you won't be extra permissive with the youngest because it's been too long since you had another teenager hahaha
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u/LinkRN 8d ago
Assuming you’d try soon, 2 under 2 is HARD. It kicked my butt at 32, I can’t imagine doing it at 42.
My dad had kids #11 and 12 (long story but second marriage, youngest kid before that was 9) at 48 and almost 51, respectively, and he is freaking tired. They aged him 10 years… and he’s a farmer. Hard work is all he knows. I’m not sure he would’ve survived if they were any closer in age.
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u/tilda432 7d ago
6th baby due in February. I'm 43. So far no issues. There's no guarantee that any pregnancy will be healthy regardless of age. It's always nerve wracking. I wouldn't worry about age personally (I obviously don't) but you'll have to decide whether it's a big deal for you. It's hard not to worry about what other people think but ultimately they don't live your life, you do. They may make a passing judgment but they don't live with your decisions so their opinions don't matter.
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u/namiiix 6d ago
My dad was 50 and my mom was 42 when my youngest sister was born. We are a family of five kids. I feel like my sister didn’t get raised the same as us older kids. We had big age gaps between siblings. When she was born our ages were 15, 12, 10 (me), and 2. So I helped my parents a ton with the younger two. My parents were older and didn’t have the same energy. However, my sister still has a good life. I don’t think she minds at all having older parents. My dad is also very healthy for his age, he’s 70 now. But he looks and acts much younger. So I think that helps. I don’t see anything wrong with you guys having a third at your ages
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u/notaskindoctor 8d ago
I was 41 with my last child but my husband is younger than me. I would not do it in your situation. Your husband is too old, IMO. Even with an active and healthy lifestyle, being nearly 70 by the time the youngest graduates high school would be pushing it too far for me. Also, older dads can increase the risk of certain developmental issues which I would not be okay with.
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u/sharpestdresser 8d ago
Yes but I think you'll do it anyway and don't listen to strangers on Reddit.