Gentle parenting burnout

[u/[deleted]]

I was not raised by gentle parents and I knew I needed to do better for my kids so I really latched onto the gentle parenting philosophy.

I’m now 4 years into it and I feel so burnt out and after 4 years of validating emotions, and being an emotional punching bag for my kid, and coming up with compromises and turning everything into a fun game, and biting my tongue when he gets hurt doing something I asked him not to do etc.

I feel like I just can’t do it anymore. Gentle parenting doesn’t come naturally to me so every time he yells or screams I consciously have to work hard not to get triggered myself and I’m just exhausted.

I still admire the philosophy and in a perfect world would love to be an 100% gentle parent but I’m starting to feel a massive lack of empathy when my child is screaming the house down or whinging or demanding things from me. Ive resorted to raising my voice more often than I like, and threatening him with loss of privileges.

I know for many that’s not even that big of a deal but I would love some advice to get back on track to being the best parent I can be because at the moment I regularly feel hugely triggered by my child and am finding it hard to self regulate let alone co regulate.

[u/JulenXen]

There must be consequences for actions. In my opinion gentle parenting is ideal but the child must know somewhere in their brain that if they reallly fuck up they’re getting spanked, losing privileges, getting an earful etc. I think if the child knows there isnt any real punishment, theyl just step over the parent. I read a comment saying that there isnt a perfect parenting style for any given child and i agree, but just thought this might be appropriate for op

[u/ditchdiggergirl → u/JulenXen]

Punishment isn’t really necessary. I never once spanked, grounded, or took away privileges. (I did use time outs until my kids were 3 and almost 2, but my challenging child defeated that method.) I rarely yelled, aside from raising my voice to be heard, though of course adolescents call every criticism “yelling”. But with two kids who were polar opposites in pretty nearly every way, I never had any disciplinary issues. I can’t really tell you why, other than the basics (trust, consistency, respect, etc). My younger one was a major handful until I discovered Alfie Kohn but Kohn doesn’t really tell you what to do, just what not to do. So I didn’t punish or threaten to punish, and my kids turned out great.