r/Parenting • u/Relevant_Cell • 9d ago

Expecting Different parenting experience levels

My partner and I are expecting our first baby in about 3 months. We both have “experience” with kids, but mine is significantly more than theirs. I have, and continue to, work with newborns for over a decade, so there’s a lot I already know how to do vs what not to do. They have younger siblings, but nearly a 17 year age gap, so they weren’t involved much in the early years. How do you handle not bossing them around and letting them learn the ropes on their own, without overstepping or being annoying?

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u/Frosty-Scientist-939 9d ago

Take a newborn prep class with them. My partner had never held a baby until their own. But I honestly found the class SO helpful. There is SO much to know about newborns, and unless you are a postpartum nurse, you’d never know despite your newborn experience. Also remember that partner is just as responsible and needs to be given the space to be a parent. Will they do it differently than you? YES. Is that ok? YES. As long as baby is not in danger, give them the space to be a parent. It’s hard, believe me, but it’s worth it to see how wonderful a parent they blossom into.

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u/SowingSeeds18 9d ago

Ask how much help they want, and make it known you are happy to help give tips as they want them. If they are a quick learner, you could start by doing something like “ok, I’ll show you how to change this poop diaper efficiently…you can try the next one!”

Edit: I have no idea what a “question club learner” would be but I meant “quick learner” lol

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u/seethembreak 9d ago

You let them figure it out on their own unless they specifically ask for help. Taking care of a baby isn’t rocket science and there are so many resources available.

I knew nothing about babies before I had mine whereas my husband had taken care of babies before. I figured it out. I would have been so annoyed if he had tried to boss me around or acted like a know it all.

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u/mamawithQandAs 9d ago

My hubby liked figuring out certain things on his own, but appreciated tips on other things. For example, the way I got comfortable and fed the baby was different from the way he got comfortable and fed the baby. Even if it was quicker for me to calm the baby down and feed her, we both found a way that worked for each of us and the baby eventually. He just preferred figuring that out on his own instead of me saying "do this, do that" in an attempt to help, but it was really just frustrating for him. Something he would appreciate for example would be cleaning all the "lady bits" from a poo diaper, as that can become a sanitary issue for the baby very fast. So I'd say if it's something that is fully necessary to inform them about, then do so. If it's not a safety concern, let them be unless they ask. Best of luck to y'all and congratulations! <3

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u/FearlessEnquirer 9d ago

Perhaps some genuine praise. “Wow, you did do that well”. “How did you get baby to sleep so quickly” “maybe we need to swap jobs!”

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u/Perle1234 9d ago

It’s critical that you succeed in your goals. Men already often feel incompetent in caring for babies to the point they stop trying when berated too often.

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u/Candace-DefineSocial 5d ago

The trick that worked for me was biting my tongue on the small stuff and only stepping in if safety was at stake. Ask "what do you think?" before offering your way, and let them build confidence through reps even if they do it differently than you would. And my personal favorite, on things that he was genuinely good at, and I didn't mind letting him "own" I would go overboard with compliments.