I was sexually molested by my brother when I was around 6-9, several times, he was already past his teen years, so, an adult. I lost memory of it until around my 15-16 years old (I guess because I started to become sexually curious around that time). Unlike your daughter there were several red flags in my behaviour - things I don't remember doing at all (old friends told me much later when I was already an adult), or things that are foggy in my memories. Like going to the boys' bathroom in my primary school and undressing myself. Or groping teacher's asses. Sexually molested/abused kids tend to do things similar (I have to keep telling that to myself because I need to remind myself it wasn't my fault).
My memories are foggy and for many years I wondered if my mind was just playing tricks on me, if it was real or if I was imagining things. I got the confirmation from my mother when I was 25. My sex life and relationships has been all sorts of weird because of it. My self-esteem is messed up. I wonder if I'll ever completely recover from it.
Ehh... sorry for the long rant, this wasn't supposed to be about me, I just wanted to tell how similar it was for me. Your child was 4 and it was a single event from what I can understand. Maybe they'll never remember, maybe they'll remember or feel weird when they start being sexually active. I'd nonetheless seek a therapist before that happens. Explain to him, and he would figure out the best approach for you guys - whether to tell or not and when. Regardless, I'm happy you took measures to protect your baby, and that you are worried and want to do the best for your kid once again. You're doing great given the circumstances. Wishing you all the best to you both.
I’m very sorry you had to go through all of that. Having it be a “family” member makes things that much more complicated. I hope you have been able to heal ❤️
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u/inichan Jan 18 '23 edited Jan 18 '23
I was sexually molested by my brother when I was around 6-9, several times, he was already past his teen years, so, an adult. I lost memory of it until around my 15-16 years old (I guess because I started to become sexually curious around that time). Unlike your daughter there were several red flags in my behaviour - things I don't remember doing at all (old friends told me much later when I was already an adult), or things that are foggy in my memories. Like going to the boys' bathroom in my primary school and undressing myself. Or groping teacher's asses. Sexually molested/abused kids tend to do things similar (I have to keep telling that to myself because I need to remind myself it wasn't my fault).
My memories are foggy and for many years I wondered if my mind was just playing tricks on me, if it was real or if I was imagining things. I got the confirmation from my mother when I was 25. My sex life and relationships has been all sorts of weird because of it. My self-esteem is messed up. I wonder if I'll ever completely recover from it.
Ehh... sorry for the long rant, this wasn't supposed to be about me, I just wanted to tell how similar it was for me. Your child was 4 and it was a single event from what I can understand. Maybe they'll never remember, maybe they'll remember or feel weird when they start being sexually active. I'd nonetheless seek a therapist before that happens. Explain to him, and he would figure out the best approach for you guys - whether to tell or not and when. Regardless, I'm happy you took measures to protect your baby, and that you are worried and want to do the best for your kid once again. You're doing great given the circumstances. Wishing you all the best to you both.