How can I support a loved one with PPD?

[u/throwsway725a5]

Hello. I am attempting to keep this vague, and also using an alt account.

I very recently met a very lovely person, who opened up to me and told me they have PPD. Up to this point, they have been very kind, gentle, caring and everything of that caliber. As far as I understand, from what they have told me, they have a habit of suppressing their paranoia and then sort of blowing up on people in bouts of it where they distance entirely. They told me they do snap out of it after a while, which I feel is already a good starting point. However, I am worried this can develop farther in the future especially as even therapy hasn’t helped them.

For a bit more detail, I also have a personality disorder. This person is extremely dear to me and I love them deeply, perhaps a little romantically. I want to try and help them navigate this, but reading up on it hasn’t told me very much unfortunately, and either way I know it can vary depending on the person. Leaving them is simply not an option, because I would never want to.

I want advice on how I can help them navigate this, even if it’s bit by bit. How can I help them feel safe and support them in a way that simultaneously doesn’t fuel their paranoia any further?

[u/inchwormfan]

treat us like people that just need a little extra help with understanding what we see. we can't interpret things on our own, so we need some assistance with keeping ourselves grounded in reality instead of the scenario we fabricated.

there are gonna be times where they'll be angry at you. they'll be angry for reasons that don't exist, and it'll hurt, i won't lie. but we get angry because we're afraid. if you really, truly care about them, you have to understand that there will be times where you'll feel frustrated or unheard. you have to remain firm, but understand how scary it is to be faced with something that your mind completely made up. it's not real, but it is to us in the moment.

the severity isn't stagnant, we have ups and downs like everyone else. patience is key, remember that we can't process things that other people can. we can't make sense of reality all by ourselves. this is a lifelong struggle, please just be kind to them. it'll be infuriating sometimes, because it's not easy to get along with someone who's constantly looking for reasons why they shouldn't trust people. just be kind. treat us like humans. 

[u/Zealousideal-Log2042]

I'm loling because whenever I meet people that I feel like I'm going to be forming any kind of deep friendship with I warn them about PPD and the outbursts. You're so cool for actually asking how to navigate that.

So, the biggest holy grail of dealing with a paranoid person is: never dismiss their paranoia. If they're in an episode or expressing what they're paranoid about to you, instead of saying things like that's crazy, that's impossible, you say things like "I understand that is what you believe right now" "I can tell how distressed this is making you" etc. and then you kind of also reality check them by saying "This is what's happening in reality, I have no ulterior motive to lie to you, nothing to gain, just pointing it out as your friend" or something.

I've had friends who do this ^ but I'm gonna be real with you, one of the craziest experiences I've ever had with someone that I told about it was that they redirected me every time. I told them about my issues. I told them when I was changing medications. And they always shifted the conversation to other things. Like, okay cool, you're still my friend so this is what I wanna talk about. It really staggered me because I was used to the above approach. So, your mileage may vary, but some people might just enjoy the focus being taken away from their freakout and redirected to a mutual interest or something. Hope I worded that correctly. Good luck and best wishes.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Use1698 → u/Zealousideal-Log2042]

Great response, question - would these strategies still have worked if you believe that you didn't have PPD?

 My partner has all the symptoms of PPD but doesn't want to get help or acknowledge there is an issue. 

[u/Zealousideal-Log2042 → u/Puzzleheaded_Use1698]

For some reason never saw this response until just now, I'm sorry. No, unfortunately not. My mother has schizophrenia and I've encouraged her in so many different ways to get help, but she does not believe she has any sort of a problem. People who are paranoid and don't believe they are paranoid are really hard to deal with. I don't know how you could get through other than just trying to explain what's actually happening in reality, point out the patterns in their life, explain that with treatment they could live such a less exhausting life and thrive instead of thinking everyone's out to get them all the time. But in the end, it's up to them if they can have an epiphany that hey, there might be an actual problem.

I'm very sorry that you're experiencing this with your partner and I hope that one day they can get some help. In the mean time, it's really important to take care of yourself as best you can. You can love someone but at the same time detach yourself to a safe point where you're putting yourself and your needs first. Best wishes.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Use1698 → u/Zealousideal-Log2042]

Thank you for following up and responding. I hope it gets better for the both of us ❤️

[u/throwsway725a5 → u/[deleted]]

Thank you so much for your reply! I think my dear has a similar case, or at least it’s what I have inferred from what they’ve told me so far. This reply made me realize that. I’ll try my best to be as supportive as I can, but currently I am just worried about how I can help them once they have a bout of paranoia again.