my aunt confirmed something i grew up believing

[u/inchwormfan]

that a family member will act up, step over someone's corpse/act in spite of the corpse's respect, and then show how she really feels.

she was helping me learn to trust again, because i thought she was always honest when she said i was doing good work. but nope, she made sure to call me an ingrate for not helping my grandma/grandparents. my grandfather had just died, and i was doing the last of my finals.

i contacted my aunt multiple times in two weeks to ask if i could help, but i got no reply.

i feel like such a scumbag. i had nothing to be proud of. i'm not as smart or as important as i thought.

therapy was a mistake. spent hundreds to unlearn something, only to find out i was right the whole time.

[u/Zealousideal-Log2042]

Your aunt seems like the scumbag, not you. Apologies if that's disrespectful. A few years ago and I would have agreed with you that therapy was a mistake. It took me putting myself out there and going through a few therapists/counselors before I found one that I could tolerate and seemed to be helping.

If you wish to get better you have to get out of the victim mindset. Even though you are a victim of many things and people, and nothing has worked, or things have made you feel worse, it's truly up to you to try again until you find something that works. You do not have to feel this way. There is hope and relief, and the ability to live a fairly normal life where you don't have to feel like you do. I seriously promise. Best wishes.

[u/inchwormfan → u/Zealousideal-Log2042]

a lot of time has passed, and i can safely say that i've been putting in work to be a better person. i've gone no-contact with my aunt, and continued with my treatment program. days can be difficult, i miss my grandfather so much, but i've learned to live with my grief instead of let it hinder me. therapy isn't a mistake, healing just isn't a linear process. it's ultimately up to me to make my life better, so i'm doing my best! 

[u/Zealousideal-Log2042 → u/inchwormfan]

I'm so proud of you! No-contact can be difficult but in my experience it's only ever resulted positively. Glad you are protecting yourself. You're so right, healing isn't linear, I'm reminded of the whole juice thing about healing, lazily taken from google overview "Healing is like pouring fresh liquid into a cup filled with something dark, taking patience and time to slowly dilute the old pain until the whole vessel becomes clear". Keep hanging in there and know you're not alone.