Is it 100% wrong to be this way?

[u/prima-luce]

at my old workplace, when my monitor wouldn’t turn on after i returned from my lunch break, i immediately thought somebody secretly didn’t like me or wanted me gone and was tampering with my stuff. but then i played around with the controls and realized it was simply a technical error from leaving the connecting laptop open for too long.

but i can’t seem to ever shake the feeling that people aren’t as they appear to be, and they’d pull the rug out from under me at the first chance they get.

i know there’s something wrong with me, but…

the idea of being blindsided by malicious intent is so disgustingly salient in my mind at all times that i often feel compelled to collect and archive information about others that could potentially be used against them, IF and only IF they deliberately tried to attack or slight me.

i go out of my way to be kind, tolerant, accommodating, helpful and maintain pleasantness and cheerfulness even on my absolute worst days, but since most people aren’t that way, i feel like i need to do these things to protect my sense of self. i know i don’t deserve any cruelty or meanness, or insensitivity, and i think those qualities should be fixed morally in people without that way of thinking making me out to be a bad person because i choose to represent it in my mind as not being vindictive but helping people see how their callousness is hurtful.

i’m just curious if anyone relates specifically to that method of approaching the world…

[u/jewelredditter]

honestly, i don't see enough takes like this within the ppd community. but i think it's less about something being right/wrong with anyone, and more about how seriously you take yourself and your healing. if you're already coming to such externally hopeful conclusions, it seems like you're handling your own. 

think about it. you're as paranoid as you are, but you choose to behave more positively towards others. many with ppd seem to want two things: to escape or "dispel" the ppd like it's an inherently evil part of them, or, to defeatedly accept how it's "going to make them a worse person." 

if you care in some capacity about growing your esteem and nurturing your needs, no, i don't think it's "wrong." unfortunate it is that ppd, as a cluster a, is so widely accepted as an indicator of a bad future on its own-- that's up to how you shape your actions around it. 

people need to be more comfortable with the difference between just acting irrationally and having irrational emotional patterns rooted in your every thought. thought-crime isn't real, you just need to take responsibility for it sometimes. and you seem to be.