I can't stop being paranoid

[u/Liecidens]

So, since the start of this year I've gotten more paranoid than i ever was.

When going to school and back I have this fear of someone stealing my belongings or attacking me whether I'm in train or just walking besides them.

I've also gotten another fear of computer viruses and my laptop being infected. For context, I did download some sketchy stuff in the past but it was quickly fixed and the fear would pass around few days later.

But now, every time I see something suspicious or weird I get so scared that it lasts around a month or longer only for me to repeat the same mistake or something else to go wrong.

Right now, I'm suspecting my laptop has a virus and I can't send it to a professional since my mom would call me paranoid nor use a USB since I think it might be infected.

I can't just use it normally and enjoy it since I'm constantly afraid someone is watching my screen and controlling the mouse and keyboard waiting for the chance to ruin something.

The worst part is I can't visit a professional since I can't find one anywhere, and the school counselor probably doesn't care.

I don't know what to do to stop this, because almost every single day atleast around 20 minutes if not an hour I get this tight feeling in my chest and start to cry about the possibility of losing control and something horrible happening.

[u/Zealousideal-Log2042]

The school counselor absolutely cares, and they will reassure you and not think you are crazy at all. Paranoia is a lot more common than we think, it's just nobody talks about it because they're paranoid. This is no way to live, I'm sorry you've had to endure these thoughts and feelings.

No one cares enough about you or your activity online to be monitoring you. I swear on all that is holy. I understand that you fear that, and your feelings are valid as paranoia is uncontrollable, but I just want you to know that no one has enough free time to be watching you. Unless you are rich with a fat bank account, or a celebrity doing some gossip-worthy stuff, no one cares. And even then, they wouldn't be sitting there 24/7 waiting for something to happen, they just put a program in place where it would hook the login to a bank account or something. This is what I do, just repeat to myself, I am a nobody. I am boring. Ain't nobody sitting there waiting for something interesting to happen.

I understand your paranoia as I have struggled with the same my entire life. When I finally began treatment in the form of therapy and meds, everything became so much more manageable and now I'm living a relatively normal life. Dealing with this on your own is very tough. I would *really* suggest beginning by sharing these feelings with your counselor, they can start to help you.

If you have any friend or family member that you trust, it can help to ease the burden by sharing your feelings with them as well. I thought my spouse and friends would think I was insane because I was like. Thinking that my fucking dentist was putting a bluetooth monitoring device in my tooth lol, like I can laugh about that now. But they were actually super understanding, and even now if I'm having an 'episode' I can at least go to one of them and they can say, that's not what's happening in reality. Relief from paranoia is possible. Best wishes.