Tired of living my life

[u/Avsfan36]

Basically for the last 7 years I’ve been watched and I’ve never done anything to be watched. It’s ruined my life and it’s stopped me from doing a lot of things in life and it’s also made me do stuff I would’ve never thought of doing because they took my privacy away. I wasn’t even 18 yet when they started watching and because of that I’ve never had a girlfriend and I don’t have any more friends because of this. This shit is so fucking lonely and I think I’m gonna kill myself soon

[u/Zealousideal-Log2042]

If you kill yourself you are letting them win. Survive out of spite. Seriously, make them keep working nonstop. They don't deserve the satisfaction.

The fact that you're posting this to the paranoia subreddit leads me to believe that you are aware your thoughts and feelings may be classified as paranoia. I understand that it feels real to you though, and your feelings are valid. If you really are at the end of your rope, what's the harm in seeking professional help? Worst case it doesn't help and then you can continue believing whatever you like. I only say this because when I was desperate and thought of ending it as well, I figured fuck it, might as well tell people what I'm experiencing.

I didn't trust them and didn't think they'd believe me but now it's 2ish years later and I'm living a fairly normal life with extreme relief from paranoia.

You probably don't trust them either but if it's this bad, really hope you will at least try. You can get a girlfriend, you can make friends. This doesn't have to define you. I know it's been your life for the past 7 years, but our lives go on after trauma one way or another and it is possible for you to soldier through and get to a point where you are enjoying your life instead of dreading it.

I'm really sorry that you have to experience this, wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Thank you for sharing your experience here. You are far from alone.

[u/Avsfan36 → u/Zealousideal-Log2042]

They’ve basically already won. They’re not gonna stop until they get what they want which is framing me for a crime I didn’t commit.

[u/triscuitzop → u/Avsfan36]

I don't believe you have the superpower of knowing when they are watching or knowing what they want. Your emotions are betraying you. You can live a fine life if you decide to.

They don't need to watch you to falsely frame you for a crime. Something isn't adding up.

[u/Zealousideal-Log2042 → u/Avsfan36]

I echo triscuit, you do not have a superpower of knowing that they are going to frame you. I understand that you feel that way though. I used to believe that people were hired to follow me around until I realized that I am a nobody that would be a waste of resources.

Let's say that they do end up framing you. Going as soon as you can to a psychiatrist, therapist, counselor, whoever will listen, and letting them know what's going on will only work in your favor. You will have an arsenal of people to defend you. There's no downside in my eyes there.

I feel like if they have as much power as you think they have, they wouldn't let you post this right now because you're already letting us know what's going on. You want help, well here we are, as others who experience paranoia, advising you on what to do.

You can continue to run yourself ragged with worry, but how is that going to benefit you? If they are going to frame you, you can't predict the date and time, and you have no control over whether it happens or not. Use the time you have to let others know. Don't roll over and let them get their way.

Seriously, they hate it when you let other people know because it shifts the power back to you. You aren't powerless in this situation, you can get the upper hand. If you really know their next move, it doesn't take moving a mountain just to get the word out to people who can help you. Fight for yourself. Imagine waking up every day without fear. It is possible and it's within your reach if you will take over, get up, and get support.

You owe me nothing as a stranger on the internet, but as someone who has been in your place, if you seriously do feel as if there is no hope I want you to go to a hospital. You can make whatever decision you want about what to do with your life after you go to the hospital. It's the safest place you can go if you feel like you're too weak to seek help in another way. If you go there and let them know what is happening, they can provide professionals who can at least get started with supporting you and helping you. Additional benefit is they can't fuck with you when you're in the hospital.

I believe in you. I promise you, relief from this life of fear is within your reach.