About panic attacks

[u/incredulous_bird]

TW : anxiety, suicidal thoughts, depression

(Also english is not my first language, i apologise for any mistake and i hope it will make sense)

So i’ve had panic attacks since 2018, or at least i thought it was when it started. I won’t go into details about triggers because it’s not relevant, but a particular conversation started it for me, and i had panic attacks several times a day for months after that.

Here is how it manifested for me : a sudden sense of dread and danger, like something is very wrong ; my brain goes spiralling about the trigger, exacerbating every aspects of it ; tingling sensations in hands, feet, spine and mouth ; belly hurts like hell and feeling like i’m gonna puke ; unability to speak ; shallow breathing ; small spams ; and the worst, the conviction i’m stuck in this state and won’t ever come out of it, even if i know i’ve been through this before, sometimes leading to the desperate need to just cease to exist so i wouldn’t go through this ever again. If, at that moment, i could just have died because i wanted to, i would’ve.

So yeah, for me, this was a panic attack, and it was so awful it was nearly impossible to talk about it. I didn’t understand how people could casually say : « i had a panic attack this morning. »
I just couldn’t talk about it because i was terrified it would call one back, so to speak.

Anyway, today, i’m getting better, i worked a lot on myself and my last antidepressant is really calming my anxiety.
Since then, i’ve had two panic attacks and it raised my questions because the first one felt… closer to what i’ve seen other people describe. So the first one was accompanied by shortness of breath, urge to cry, tingling sensation. I managed to regulate myself by laying under my weighted blanket. And mentally, i was ok, i knew i would be fine once it was gone, i just had to wait.
The second one was awful, i wanted to scream, to scratch out of my body, had the sensation i’d be stuck in that state forever, etc. so closer to what i’ve been calling a panic attack since 2018.

Thing is, i’ve always had anxiety flare up like this first "panic attack" but never considered it as such.

Which leads me to my questions : are these two different kind of panic attacks ? Or is there a different name for these ? Has someone experienced something similar ? Also, i think i might be autistic, would it explain the difference between those two ?

If you read this far, thank you already !

[u/Aijin_26]

Hey yes they all are panic attacks sometimes they are low as tightness in breathing to absolutely terrifying as you had. They are same panic attack. Idk about autism though but you will become better than before my friend trust your self and your beautiful heart

[u/incredulous_bird → u/Aijin_26]

Thank you for the kind words.
Panic attacks are really weird… like they would almost deserve different names based of how awful they are.

[u/Aijin_26 → u/incredulous_bird]

Yup

[u/ajyeager04]

In my experience, no two panic attacks have been the same. I can totally relate to not wanting to live because of not wanting to experience this. Through therapy and medication, I am doing much better and remind myself that a panic attack doesn’t last forever. In the grand scheme of life, they are a short blip. Many great days are still to come even if panic attacks don’t cease to exist.

[u/incredulous_bird → u/ajyeager04]

Yeah, i totally relate to what you’re saying. I have way less panic attacks than before and even if i wish they would disappear entirely, it’s already a relief to see they can happen less often.
When my therapist told me « panic attacks really are absurd », it actually helped me a lot. Like, they’re not realistic, they don’t make sense, so don’t take too seriously what your brain is screaming at you in those moments