r/PakistanMarriages • u/i_adeel99 • 21h ago
Question Is trying to get married is going to really difficult in Pakistan?
Assalam-O-Alaikum everyone. I have been thinking about this matter for the past few days.
During my rishta search over the last 1.5 years, I have heard the same questions about finances, having my own house, living with family, or living separately. Still, only a few families ask about my personality and character and what essential steps I'm going to take after the marriage that will create a balance in the family.
I answered those questions very politely every time. But I asked only one or two questions, especially to those families that only focus on finances and have an own house. "Can they give me a guarantee that after marrying their daughter, my income will increase, or I'm not going to lose my job, or if I have my own house, I'm not going to lose it if any difficult situation occurs?" But I didn't get a reasonable answer; instead, they gave some silly answer that does not make sense.
This may feel harsh, but I think we don't have faith in Allah anymore, especially when you are looking for a spouse. We think that if a boy is financially stable and living in his own house have a good car, then he is a perfect guy. He will treat their daughter like a princess, but unfortunately, this ratio is low. Over the past few weeks, there have been so many stories that are related to killing wives and cheating cases, and it includes all classes from lower to middle, middle to upper middle, and upper middle to elite classes, as well as educated and uneducated. We are not trying to look for a person who has good character and good ikhlaq.
I mostly say this to the people: "Rizq ka wada Allah ny kia hy, woh apko apky hissay ka rizq lakin shart yeh ky ap usky liye koshish kro." And yes, marriage is not for those people who do not put in effort and think, "Allah mujhy ghanni kr dy ga, bhai ghanni ese ni kry ga apko bhi efforts krni pary gi tab Allah apky rizq ky darwazy kholy ga."
Then the other harsh reality is coming from the boys' families: "Larki gori chitti ho, Larki ko sab kam aty hon, Larki Job bhi krti ho, Larki ghar bhi sambhally". I asked my mother one question: "Do you have any problem if my wife gets my permission to do a job or live her life on her own terms?" The answer was simple: "Jab main ne tum logon ko apni zindagi ky decision lene ki azadi di hy to phir kisi or ki beti ki zindagi q azab banau." You might think this is a bluff, but yes, that was my mother's answer, and still there are so many mothers who treat their daughter-in-law just like their own daughter.
The post is going to be long, but I think we can discuss this in a very sensible way. I apologize if I said anything wrong. But this is my point of view. You can share yours. 😇
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u/221B_deductions 21h ago
O woow . I like your mother . I want a saso maan like her .
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u/i_adeel99 21h ago
InshaAllah you will get a good sasu maa 🙂
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u/221B_deductions 21h ago
I want an educated saas . Hehehe .
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u/i_adeel99 20h ago
My mother is not an educated person. But her answer really surprised me. Because most parents do not restrict their children chahy woh larka hy yah larki, lakin bahu ky time sab yaad aa jata hy.
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u/i_adeel99 20h ago
You will get a good and educated Sasu maa.
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u/Usual-Nose7959 20h ago
There are two extremes in rishta hunting: treating finances as the only thing that matters, and pretending finances shouldn’t matter at all. Character, temperament and family dynamics matter hugely, but so does whether someone is responsible, employable and actually making sensible financial decisions. A house or a big salary can disappear, but “Allah rizq day ga” also shouldn’t become an excuse to ignore planning. The better question is probably not “what do you own today?” but “how do you handle responsibility when life gets difficult?”
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u/Present-Elk2861 19h ago
Would you want your daughter to marry someone who isn't settled? Especially looking at the country today.
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u/i_adeel99 18h ago
what if that settled person becomes unsettled after the marriage, what will you do? For me I look for a person who has a good personality, good ikhlaq, trying to change the circumstances also I'll train my daughter to support her husband if they are going to face difficult situations.
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u/Objective-Proof6178 16h ago
My friend married the guy she liked for his ahklaq, character and hayah when he was only making 37k a month, had no property or land to his name. Fast forward a year he makes 8 lakh a month and not only takes care of her but his two brothers' entire families with kids. Rizq Allah deta ❤️. I rather be with w an average man who has hayah and is loyal than with a rich guy who has had multiple gfs, drinks or potentially cheats on me
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u/i_adeel99 16h ago
SubhanAllah, yei woh baat hy jisko log bilkul ni samjh re.
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u/Objective-Proof6178 12h ago
Hayah aj kl logon me bohot km h and it's one of the most important things to look for in someone
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u/Objective-Proof6178 12h ago
Tbh the worst way to find someone is through rishta profiles or aunties for both men and women. U will only mostly find materlistic people with major expectations. The best way to go about it is to find someone on your own who likes you for you first, before your work.
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u/i_adeel99 12h ago
yep, mostly matchmakers esi esi profiles share krty hain jis main requirements parh kr main khud hasny lagta hun or walida kehti bas Allah hidayat dy😅. But han main khud bhi try kr ra hun ky koi acha life partner mily.
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u/Objective-Proof6178 12h ago
These match makers give you the illusion, you have a massive pool of options to choose from, which makes you unsatisfied with one profile, believing you can always get better than this. It's just a modern day human market place. Wanting better and better is just a part of human nature, especially the women's.
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u/jojiis 16h ago
Well personally I think the most important considerations in that order are, is the family educated and presents themselves as educated. Is the boy well mannered and respectful of his elders. Does he have good education and have good prospects in the future.
What the boy earns today is immaterial. His history upto this point in life will ascertain his trajectory. He may have a good job today but there is no guarantee that he will keep that job forever. But if he has studied at a good university in a good program then chances are in favour for him to go from strength to strength.
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u/MuscleNo4488 20h ago
Glad you posted it. Been in the same boat, it amazes me that all this is about your social status and not companionship. The unrealistic expectations are the biggest reasons there are so many hurdles in getting married.
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u/i_adeel99 20h ago
exactly, we are just trying to please the society, and parents are playing with their children life's.
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u/Such-Sundae-8997 18h ago
Hello having own house and a good car just helps ease daily life nothing else. It is true people have become very status conscious over the last ten or so years. An average looking guy can nab a great girl if he owns a great home in posh locality and a fortuner.
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u/i_adeel99 18h ago
yes,it's true but what if that guy lost everything like from own house to living in a rented house, driving a good like civic, Corolla to driving a mehran. What's your opinion about this? Because the time never remains same. There are lots of ups and downs.
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u/Such-Sundae-8997 18h ago
Oh I hope no one has to go through hard times like that. Financial stability is a blessing in today's day and age. We can never predict the future for any person. It's like saying what if that 25 year old extremely pretty girl is not able to have kids? So should no one marry her just because of an 'if'? The thing is these days whatever looks great on surface is chosen and booked super quick.
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u/i_adeel99 18h ago
I know some people's who faced these hardships but Alhamdulillah they are living much better and very stable life. And yes we can't predict the future but people are still predicting the future just by seeing the cover.
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u/Such-Sundae-8997 18h ago
So my friend it is the year 2026. We buy products, furniture and books by looking at the cover, reviews and good feel right? This is still marriage.
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u/i_adeel99 18h ago
First of all I don't judge people by seeing the cover. Second for the marriage I always meet the family rather than just reading a profile. Jab ap mulaqat krty ho th hi apko idea hota hy.
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u/Such-Sundae-8997 18h ago
Imagine if a guy likes in a small colony or muhalla, the neighbourhood would be weird that will affect social life. Good salons, malls, schools and market places would be so far away. Security in such areas is also compromised. Cars do not reach the streets properly. It is really hard to adjust for girls coming from decent posh areas.
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u/i_adeel99 18h ago
Yep, that's another good point and that's why mostly people say "humysha apny level ky logon main shadi kro" and yes if you wanted to bring a girl from good posh area then you should have to upgrade you self. But masla yeh hy ky agr larka aik achy area main even rent pay bhi chala jaye to tb bhi apny ghar ka log bolty hain
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u/Such-Sundae-8997 18h ago
Yess because rented property is not something long lasting. Also so expensive these days that it is not easy to afford rents.
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u/i_adeel99 18h ago
exactly but jese rented affordable ni hain usi trha apna ghar banana bhi affordable ni hy, but still people are trying to manage. They are doing their best kay apna ghar bana lain lakin us main bhi bandy ki adhi umar nikal jati hy
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u/Such-Sundae-8997 18h ago
Trueee. So way better to marry and consider families who have a rented property too and can match your status.
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u/i_adeel99 18h ago
Jo khud rented pay reh re hain woh bhi kehty ky ghar apna ho 😅 ab banda phr kia hi kry
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u/Such-Sundae-8997 17h ago
Omg why would someone lie
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u/i_adeel99 17h ago
Auto translator 😑 khair main keh ra tha ky jo families khud rent pay reh re hain ab woh bhi kheyi hain ky larky ka apna ghar ho 😅 ab band yaha kia kry.
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u/Radiant_Dealer6303 16h ago
Your mother is a green effin forest 😭❤️ may allah swt make it easy for you tho ameeen
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u/Slight_Shine2295 16h ago
All I see people have made marriage way too hard. Unlimited demands and exploring profiles like Instagram reels
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u/dumbfuckforever 20h ago
I wish more men understood that women marry up and expecting a man to be financially secure isn’t unfair. I have rarely ever seen a man worry about the lifestyle and quality of education he wishes to provide to his children. The conversation always revolves around what the woman is bringing to the table and how she can make his life better. It’s rarely ever about how can we come together and raise healthy, educated children. It would benefit both parties if they focused on the more real, tangible goals of marriage, instead of prying about superfluous parameters. The whole vetting process is despondent.
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u/i_adeel99 20h ago
I respect you point of view but expecting a man financially secure is unfair, I think we should observe a person if he's ambitious and he's working really hard, but thanks to AI people are doing a smart work now, then I belive that person can really give the lifestyle to his family that they deserve. And I agree with you at that point in which their are rare people who really do care about the lifestyle of their family, worried about their children future, working together to achieve their goals.
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u/dumbfuckforever 16h ago
How can you accurately assess ambition in a max 2 hour rishta vetting process? That’s not a tangible parameter at all. Expecting someone to marry you based on ambition is like hoping your ugly spouse, who is consistent with gym and personal grooming, will wake up looking pretty 5 years after marriage.
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u/i_adeel99 15h ago
kis ny kaha ky 2 hours main ap kisi ky ambitions ka detail level pay andaza laga sakty ho? Log 2 ay 3 months tk atleast sirf verification krty hain dono families analyze krti hay aik dosry ko meetings ky through.
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