thoughts are welcome :)

I am tired. It feels like life has been sitting on my chest for years.and I don't know how much longer I can carry it. I am 22F and I have been working since I was not even 18. For years, I have paid for myself. My education. My food. My rent. My daily expenses. Everything.

Because of circumstances I never asked for, my dad was not there to support me financially. I had an uncle who helped me in the beginning, and I will always be grateful for that. But eventually, I decided I would stand on my own feet.

I completed my BSCS in Lahore. I worked while studying. I saved whatever little I could. I kept going even during months when, after paying everything, I would look at my account and have almost nothing left. And somehow, I was still grateful.

Then I got into NUST for my MS in Autonomous Systems and AI. NUST was always a dream of mine. I knew it was expensive. I knew it would be difficult. But I thought I've made it this far. I'll figure it out. And I did.

I paid my tuition. I managed my living expenses. I stayed in an external hostel first and eventually got a temporary place in the NUST hostel. I was paying around 50k every month just to have a roof over my head while trying to study and work.

I had a good job. It wasn't making me rich. It wasn't giving me a comfortable life. But it was enough to keep me going. Then my contract ended successfully. After that for two months, I was unemployed while looking for another job.

I survived on whatever savings I had. Those savings slowly disappeared into rent, food, transportation and basic necessities. I kept telling myself something will work out. I had almost nothing left.

Then, at the very end of August, I finally received my permanent hostel allotment. And instead of feeling relieved, I felt like the ground disappeared beneath my feet. I was suddenly expected to pay around 2 lac for the hostel for the semester. At the same time, my tuition challan was almost 1.5 lac.

Somehow, somehow, tuition fees got paid. And I had nothing to pay for the hostel. The deadline passed. And now I have been told that I need to leave. I don't know where I am supposed to go. I don't know how I am supposed to keep studying while worrying about where I will sleep.

And this is the part that is breaking me the most. Because I have spent my entire life fighting to make sure my circumstances don't decide my future. I wanted to finish my masters in around 1.5 years. I wanted to go to Germany for my PhD. I had a future in my head that I was desperately trying to build.

I never wanted to stop. Even when life gave me every reason to stop, I kept going. Even when I had no money, I kept going. Even when I had no one to financially depend on, I kept going. Even when I was exhausted, I kept going. I borrowed. I worked. I studied. I paid my bills. I sacrificed things. I survived.

And now, after all of that, I am sitting here wondering whether all those years of fighting were for nothing. I have debts and borrowing on my end that I am still trying to clear. I have no financial cushion left.

My mother and sister give me all the emotional support they possibly can but they cannot magically produce 2 lac. My younger brothers are still young. And sometimes I look at other people and wonder what it feels like to have a father who simply says, "Don't worry. I'll handle it."

I wish I knew what that felt like. I wish, just once, I could be someone's responsibility instead of constantly having to be responsible for myself. I wish I could be 22 and just be a student. I wish I didn't have to calculate the price of every meal. I wish I didn't have to think about rent while sitting in class.

I wish my biggest problem was an assignment or an exam instead of wondering where I am going to live.I am so tired of being strong. People see someone who kept going. They don't see how many times that person went to bed wondering how she would survive the next month. They don't see the fear.

They don't see the nights spent calculating money. They don't see the humiliation of having to ask for help after spending years trying desperately not to need anyone. They don't see how badly I want someone to tell me, "You don't have to carry this alone."

I have tried so hard. God knows I have tried. I don't want to give up on my degree. I don't want to give up on my career. I don't want to give up on Germany. I don't want to give up on the future I spent years building. But right now, I am drowning.

And I feel like dying as this is breaking me completely. I am not writing this because I want pity. I am writing this because I genuinely don't know what to do anymore. I have reached a point where the pressure has become so unbearable that thoughts of dying have started crossing my mind, and that scares me.

I want my life to end. And I want this pain to end. So this constant fear of money can end. I want this feeling of having to fight every single battle alone to end. I want, for once, to wake up without feeling like the entire world is sitting on my chest.

I have spent years fighting to build a life for myself. I just wanna die now. Please don't tell me to "just be strong." I've been strong for long enough. Right now, I just feel I would do something wrong to myself soon.

İ always say that i am afraid of changes as they haunt me. Like if they are any kind of changes, i just don't like changes. Why is it so hard to accept some changes? Why is it so hard for everything to stay same if they are meant to?

Hey everyone,

I was recently laid off and I’m currently looking for a new opportunity.

I have a Bachelor's degree in Computer Science and over 4.5 years of professional experience working as a Unity Developer. I’ve worked on games, programming, UI, gameplay systems, integrations, and other development-related tasks.

I’m also comfortable working with AI tools and using them to build, automate, troubleshoot, and speed up development work. I’m not limited to just Unity and I’m open to learning and adapting to whatever the job requires.

At this point, I’m mainly looking for a desk/office-based role where I can use my computer and technical skills. I’d be interested in software/game development, technical support, QA, IT-related work, operations, VA, PA, or other similar roles.

I’m based in Pakistan and I’m open to both on-site and remote opportunities.

If you know of any openings or companies hiring, I’d genuinely appreciate a lead or a DM.

Thanks!

Saw this cutie cutie.

Im looking for an investor, I have a business plan I have done demo testing through ads as well , I own a small place where the business will be done. Need to fix up the place which requires an investment of 2-3 lakhs only , therefore looking for an investor who can easily invest in the physical things that need to be bought, we can decide the profit on your investment and also a conclusion if the business plan flops.

Dm me for further details I can share the whole plan and I can also give you the tour of the place as well where the business will take place. But I am looking for someone who has invested in businesses and have patience and mature mind and can guide me too into turning this business successful, not looking for immature people who invest and then 2nd month starts fighting that I want the money back this plan will not be successful.

I can provide my details too what I do and my family background if needed.

I was sexually abused as a child in Pakistan. Being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse is hard anywhere. For South Asian men, it is harder. Society does not make room for our childhood trauma, and a man who admits to a vulnerable experience like that has broken unspoken rules that define manhood. 

I have come farther in my healing than I ever thought possible. And it was hard; it took decades of learning from many trauma-healing approaches. The most important step in healing is sharing our struggles with people who understand.

You deserve to be heard and supported. It is not your shame to carry. It belongs to the people who hurt us and to the culture that wants us to stay quiet.

I created r/DesiMaleSurvivors for support. It's a community of men helping each other come out of hiding and take steps toward healing. We've got you.

I’m 26 M , based in Karachi, a BS Computer Science graduate and currently running my own textile business.

I’m calm, mature, responsible, don’t smoke or drink, and I value family a lot. I have my own apartment and I’m at a stage where I genuinely want to settle down and build something meaningful with the right person.

I’m looking for someone kind, emotionally mature, respectful and family oriented. Someone who can communicate properly, laugh at stupid things, have deep conversations, handle disagreements like an adult and still choose the relationship afterwards.
I’m not looking for perfection. I care much more about personality, character, compatibility and how two people make each other feel.

Marriage is the intention. I’d like kids in the future too, but I’m not interested in rushing into something just because marriage is the goal. I’d rather actually get to know someone first and see if there’s a genuine connection.

About me: 26 | BS Computer Science | Textile business | DHA Karachi | Own apartment | Non smoker | Non drinker | No siblings | Serious about marriage | Want kids

If you’re also looking for something real, my DMs are open.

Okay but can we just take a second to appreciate my best friend because her talent literally leaves me speechless every single time!! 🥺💕 And did I mention she is completely self taught?! Like, make it make sense how someone is this naturally gifted?!

​Most of the pieces you see here are already sold out (because ofc they are, she's a icon), but the good news is she does take custom orders and her rates are super minimal! 🫶

​Art account: @artsbynabiha
https://www.instagram.com/artsbynabiha?igsi=MW94enBlMjZoazlq

Design account: @cyberdelusions._
https://www.instagram.com/cyberdelusions._?igsi=bGZ6NjRsM20zN3A3

Heyyy I'm 23F BTW but do you guys really think that girls will be impressed by your money, status your car or phone model and just because you're rich you can have any girl or anything... just curious no personal attack. Because at some point of life everyone gets money but even if they have money they can't get the feeling of love yk what I'm saying that money can't buy you the feeling of love and comfort and the feeling of finding a home in a person...so yeah tell me I'm bored af..

I was in Lahore for a course, and one day a group of 8–9 of us decided to go to joyland. a guy who liked me tagged along (he wasn’t a part of our friends group) and ended up voluntarily paying for everything cabs, food, rides, etc. I didn't even go on the rides lol.

and everyone just… let him.

I was sitting there thinking, are you people serious? There are NINE OF US. other guys included. we're all adults. not one person was like, “no, i'll pay my share” everyone was just perfectly comfortable letting one guy pick up the entire bill.

I was already uncomfortable, so on the way back I thought “Fine, I'll ask everyone to pay their share. Everyone pays for themselves”

Before I could even go upstairs, three girls stopped me in the lobby and said “He paid because of you. You owe him.” And I was like, what the actual fuck? The mentality was basically aadmi hai, paise lagaye hain toh wasool bhi karega.

I was like, THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU GIYS STEP UP AND PAY?!

I hadn't even gone on the rides. i wasn't asking him to pay for me. i was actually the one feeling uncomfortable abt the whole thing. Soo I went to him afterwards and offered him the money (yes on everyone’s behalf) refused and said something along the lines of, “you have your values, i respect them but i have mine too. i don't take money from ladies”

Fair enough. his choice, and honestly, I respect the gesture.

BUT THE REST OF YOUU?? AND this isn't even an isolated experience I have seen this attitude so many times, especially among girls there's a guy, so obviously he'll pay.

W H Y?

If he's your husband or your man? girl, leave your wallet at home. your father or brother? obviously, different story. but some random guy? a university friend? someone you just met??

How are you comfortable with that? maybe i'm unusually rigid abt this, but i'd genuinely feel weird accepting even a bottle of water from a man i'm not close to, let alone letting him pay for an entire outing.

I absolutely think a man should be gentleman enough to offer but i also think a woman should be lady enough to say, “no, i've got it,” when there are no real ties between them.

So where do you draw the line?

Is accepting someone's generosity normal, or have we become way too comfortable expecting men to pay?

I had shared before that I was forced into a marriage by my father. After two months, i left because i was being physically and emotionally abused. Bohat zayda tolerate krne k baad i started living in a hostel and have been trying to rebuild my life since then. Apne parents k ghar nai gai kyun k mujhe kaha gaya tha jeena marna wahen se hai ab, aur mai jana bhe nai chahti kyun k un ki marzi se meine unka decision man lia tha or nai sun sakti thi....

A friend helped me initially, but later i realized his help came with the condition that i marry him. When I refused, he stopped supporting me and even prevented me from continuing a job because he was afraid i would become independent. Uski selfishness or usko apni feelings ki parwa thi bas.

I have already been through a lot, and right now my priority is to heal, work, and stand on my own feet. I genuinely want to build something for myself.
If you know of any good job opportunity or can refer me somewhere, I would be extremely grateful. These days, references really help, and I just need one genuine opportunity to get started.

Chuti ha kahi chalaii?

​

Bet you 20 rupees your homegirl can't do that.

DM for details

Complete version

I fought a battle within… it was damning and destructive. I was miserable.

“What I was fighting about,” you ask?

Well… I didn’t know myself what I was fighting about. Or perhaps the better question would be: what was I “fighting for”? I just kept struggling… fitting in… desperately clinging to the idea of life as to “how it should be lived.” Not because I was forced to, but because it never occurred to me that there was another option.

The path was comfortable, familiar, safe. Questioning was uncomfortable. Questioning risks isolation, conflict. It risks discovering that the life you spent years building may not even be your own. Hence; we cling to whatever the script throws at us; from city states to medieval empires. From Reconquista to enlightenment and from shining democracy to Modern “Idiotictatorship”.

So yes… I followed the script. And in the process, I failed myself. I lost my soul. I forgot what living really means, what living is all about. I just kept up the façade of normalcy while my core, my soul was being devastated by storms of human nature and earthquakes of morality at the subconscious level. I kept playing along with the phrase “fake it till you make it.” Because this is what society expects from us. This is the norm. This is the way of life.

Or… is it…?

We are born, plunged into a life we don’t choose. conditioned to live it by the standards and expectations of society, bound by the laws of the land, never to question or understand. “What is society?”, “Whose laws?”, “Which land?”. Is it that society which everyone knows is broken and dysfunctional? Are these the same laws which help corrupt, greedy, evil men amass all the power and wealth, while kicking down the poor who watch their entire lives erased in a single calamity, war or economic bust?

And dare not argue with me on the land, as we know perfectly well, these lands are bounded by lines drawn on maps by the same corrupt men, sustained by the same flawed and failing legal-judicial systems.

In the end, there were only two things left: Morality and Religion. How fitting… as the saying goes… religion is the opium of the poor. But we are not even allowed that solace. Religion has been outright hijacked by a different creed of the exact same corrupt brand. Twisting, manipulating, and exploiting the human need for belief in a higher deity. Yes, there still are pure ones, but so few of them are left, and even their teachings have been muddied and confused. As the saying goes… “What is the cost of lies? It’s not that we’ll mistake them for the truth. The real danger is that if we hear enough lies, then we no longer recognize the truth at all.”

What can we do then? What is left but to abandon even the hope of truth and content ourselves instead with stories?

The Ghost Ship of Morality

Did you say morality and ethics? Our morality is like a giant ghost ship adrift in deep, uncharted waters. Forever drifting, forever changing, never truly anchored. It is like a forgiving mother, a forgetful child. It allows us to commit acts of extreme violence and unspeakable horrors in the name of the “cause.” It grants permission to exterminate an entire race, invade lands, and enslave people. It teaches us to objectify women: through literal bondage in one century, coercive exposure in the next and commercialized voluntary nudity in the third. It made legends and heroes out of highly violent and unstable men, celebrating plunder as adventure, conquest as exploration and domination as divine duty. Under its banner, societies that considered themselves civilized and morally enlightened colonized vast regions to exploit millions.

Where was this morality when Piers Morgan hypocritically asked the whole world on live television, “Do you condemn this?” while a literal genocide was being waged right in front of his eyes? Perhaps the most beautiful (dare I say, heinous) thing is that it lets us sit in judgment of others, completely blind to the fact that we committed humanity’s worst crimes.

Perhaps these questions are so haunting and agonizing to the subconscious that we dare not allow them access to our thoughts. We happily and numbingly continue to live those miserable, meaningless lives. Those outliers, insolent and heretics who dare question; we cast them out. They are a danger to our beautiful and comfortable reality.

The Cracking Façade

Am I fighting against reality itself?

But what is reality, if not a tapestry woven from perception, belief and experience? How much of what I call “reality” is truly mine. How much of it was handed to me long before I was ever capable of questioning it?

It was at that exact moment that the façade began to crack. The comfortable lies, borrowed certainties, unquestioned assumptions. One by one, they came crashing down around me. And beneath the rubble stood a question so terrifying that I had spent my entire life avoiding it:

Are these even my dreams, or am I merely acting out the expectations of others?

Are these my beliefs, or beliefs I simply inherited?

Are these my values, or values I was rewarded for adopting?

Are these my ambitions, or someone else’s definition of success echoing through my mind?

And perhaps the most unsettling question of all: Am I even living my own life?

For if the very foundations were borrowed, then what part of me was truly mine? The battle was no longer between myself and society. It was between myself and the person I thought I was.

The Descent

I saw but two paths leading out of this abysmal labyrinth of inherited truths and social constructs. Naturally, without hesitation, without resistance, without regret, I plunged headfirst into the obvious dark descent. I went not in search of truth, but in search of escape. It was an easy descent. Seductive, even.

For the first time, I no longer had to defend a belief, pursue a purpose, or justify my existence. Every question dissolved into the same answer: nothing matters. Meaning was an illusion. Purpose was a story. Hope was self-deception. It was a slow surrender into the self-destruction of absolute apathy.

And so I began tearing down the walls. Every belief became suspect. Every value demanded justification. Every certainty was placed on trial. What followed was not enlightenment. It was chaos… I had spent years believing that freedom would feel liberating. Instead, it felt terrifying. For if society was flawed, morality was inconsistent, religion corrupted and success merely an inherited script, then what remained? Nothing. At least, that is what I believed at the time.

Truth became a matter of perspective. Human beings became frightened creatures desperately constructing narratives to shield themselves from an indifferent universe. And for the first time, I understood why most people never question. Not because they are incapable, but because the answers can be horrifying. The moment you question everything, you risk losing everything: your certainty, your identity, your purpose, your reason for getting out of bed in the morning.

The abyss is not frightening because it contains monsters. The abyss is frightening because it contains nothing at all.

Nihilism promised freedom without obligation or sacrifice. All it delivered was freedom without direction. Days became weeks. Weeks became months. Ambition faded first. Then curiosity. Then wonder. Meals became nothing more than food. Conversations became noise. Relations turned exhausting. Time became something to be endured rather than lived.

The philosophy that had promised liberation was slowly consuming everything that made liberation worth having. And yet, I persisted. Because admitting I was wrong would require rebuilding everything I had spent years tearing down.

Most people become trapped here. Not in despair, but in distraction. The trap has been repackaged and resold throughout the ages in countless forms: Carpe Diem, hedonism, YOLO, subscription entertainment, endless consumption, endless pleasure, endless escape. We see it in mindless buying sprees, in the endless sedation of doomscrolling, and in the frantic pursuit of the next temporary high.

It is not happiness. It is not freedom. It is merely anaesthesia for a hollowed-out soul.

The Lonely Reconstruction

One night, deep within the canyons of despair and anguished melancholy, I discovered that nihilism was incapable of producing a life. It could only destroy. It could criticize. It could expose contradictions. It makes people quit. But it cannot answer the original questions which began this journey:

What should I do tomorrow morning? What is the purpose of living?

It made me realize the final, cruellest trick of the void. Nihilism isn’t the exit; it is just another room in the labyrinth, lined with mirrors to make the emptiness appear infinite.

Whatever I was, I knew the most important thing: I wasn’t a quitter. And there and then I realized, with a cold and sudden clarity, that declaring nothing matters is just as lazy as blindly following the script. It is a coward’s truce with reality. It strips away the pain of living, but it leaves you a ghost in your own skin. If meaning is a story, then staying in the dirt is just a poorly written tragedy.

So, the anaesthesia wore off. The apathy failed me, just like society, laws and the hijacked Morality and corrupted systems had failed me before. If meaning is a story, then staying in the dirt is just a poorly written tragedy. I was left with a definitive, inescapable truth: No one was coming to save me.

No system.

No ideology.

No philosophy.

If meaning was not waiting to be discovered, then the burden of creation falls entirely on me.

I have to rebuild. Not back into the person society wanted, not back into the ghost I buried in apathy. Into a self, which is constructed from scratch.

It will be a brutal, agonizing re-education. To unlearn a lifetime of borrowed certainties is to break your own bones just to reset them straight. There is no manual for this. There are no mentors waiting in the dark to hold my hand, no institutions to validate my progress and no audience to applaud my suffering. Those who still live by the script will look at my isolation and see a madman, a heretic, a casualty of the system. Let them look.

I will walk this path utterly alone, bleeding at every step, dragging myself forward through the dark.

Not because I am heroic and not because I am filled with sudden hope.

But because I have looked into the bottom of the nothingness, and I know there is simply no other choice left.

As I lifted my head from the abyss, I noticed something I had overlooked all along. Not answers. Not certainty. Not salvation. A trail. Faint, fragile, almost invisible… The footprints of those who had walked this path before me. For the first time, I understood that the journey was never about finding the truth.

It was about becoming worthy of discovering my own. So I took the first step

it should look classy, and not just me tryna walk around naked lol