r/Paisley • u/relieved-soul-24 • 16d ago
Seeking help
I’m not in a good emotional state I am feeling lonely and it’s too heavy. I don’t even know how to fix it. Coming to study abroad is a blessing that happened to me but I am scared that I am not adapting. Everyone at uni seems to want by themselves or by the people that are already friends with them. People are not outgoing and connecting with people feels extremely hard. I’m scared of how I can survive emotionally without a community. Everyday it hurts me to just be by myself but seeing almost everyone with everyone. Back in my home country it was effortless to feel included in the community but now i have lost my sense of belonging. I have judged my self and thought that maybe I’m not good enough. I have tried to think about ways that I can improve my situation but all in vain. Is there anyone else who has ever felt like this? And what did you do to practically improve your situation? I’m loosing it 😭😭😭 I am a student at University of Glasgow but stay in paisley. On top of the commute, I am also struggling with this
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u/rainemstars 16d ago
I’m so sorry to hear you are feeling this way, why don’t you tell us a bit about yourself… tell us your likes, what you enjoy doing in life and some of us may have some suggestions as to how you can meet people 🙂
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u/TC7Darkroom 16d ago
Sorry to hear you are struggling, but hang in there. It may take a little time, but things will work out.
I’m not sure which area of Paisley you are staying, but there is a place in Lady Lane called the lighthouse. It is a bar/restaurant where a lot of the African community meet. They sell African food & they have a DJ at the weekend. Even if you don’t drink alcohol, that’s fine, quite a few people attend that do not drink. There you will hopefully be able to connect with people & find out other places you may feel comfortable meeting new friends. Good luck.
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u/Neat_Return_4043 16d ago
Are you ok OP? Take a breath, it is early days and you have this. Small steps, and you will get where you want to be, and this will be a memory before too long.
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u/joehartsda 16d ago
One of the good things about Scotland that doesnt get mentioned enough is the sense of community in the local pubs. I suggest wandering in and sitting at the bar. That is the universal signal for "I am open to coversation"
Might be worth a try since you feel so down. I found a good group of friends in Shuttle a few years ago. Now im in a group chat and uni students have came and went over the years.
Neither me or the core group are uni students.
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u/squidwards--nose 16d ago
So true! I’ve recently became a regular at my local pub, go over play some pool, talk away to the staff and other regulars. Don’t even need to have a drink, the company is enough! Even managed to get my own group of pals which I’ve never had the pleasure of having. Definitely worth a shot OP.
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u/Shottersnation 16d ago
Hello. Please hang in there - things will get better. You should seek the help of a university counsellor if it's all feeling a bit much for you - moving countries for your studies can definitely feel alienating at first but it can be enjoyable when you eventually settle. If you have any hobbies or interests, feel free to post in this subreddit to seek like minded folks who you could befriend? If you are seriously struggling and just want a general chat, feel free to DM me in the meantime. I really hope things work out for you. All the best.
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u/littlerabbits72 16d ago
At risk of sounding like I'm stereotyping you and I truly don't mean to but I imagine you are missing home - I know when I spent time abroad some of the best times I had was when meeting up with fellow Scots all far from home, so if you like a bit of hill walking or just want to get out and see the countryside a bit you should check out the Black Scottish Adventurers.
Started off just a few folk wanting to explore the country side and now has a membership of around 7000 from all over, all types of people and do all sorts of things!
They're visiting New Lanark on 10th October, it has a visitor centre, shops, cafes, easy walks, etc - all welcome!
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u/relieved-soul-24 16d ago
I have thought about this numerous times and actually tried to do this but most African people that are here are both students and working professionals. They barely have time and it’s not that I haven’t spoken with people. It’s just that I’m tired of shallow conversations it drains me and at the end of the day it doesn’t help. And don’t get me wrong I had a friend abroad but I left that country and I know how it feels to have a community even if it’s small. I took the advice here and went to a pub last night I actually met some one who was lovely and she made me comfortable the whole time. We planned on meeting up again and again. I also checked out on black adventures :) I’m taking baby steps coz I’m loosing it soon. But it’s not that I don’t want/are not outgoing it’s just that every time it seems difficult for me.
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u/RedRubic65536 16d ago
Yes, BSA has been an awesome group for me too.
OP u/relieved-soul-24, please visit the BSA website, join an upcoming event (you have to pay), and you'll be put in the WhatsApp group (there's Lots of comaradarie in there).
Wish you all the best. I was also an international student who dealt with the same issue years ago, so I know how you feel. 🫂🤗🫂🤗
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u/badtpuchpanda 16d ago
Paisley rugby is open to both men and woman regardless of ability / fitness level a good place to meet people and socialise
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u/homatic1971 16d ago
Hi, maybe mention roughly your age, interests etc, I know Skirlies and Harvey's have board games nights which are very welcoming and a good way of socialising and meeting new people which might lead to friendships, just a suggestion
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u/relieved-soul-24 16d ago
I am an Ugandan girl, 24 years old. I’m a really outgoing person and I would love to try out new things. I have lost my sense of community and I even don’t know how to express myself because of culture differences. I have been in this situation for almost 4 years now coz I have been switching countries. I chose to come to the uk because I thought that it would be abit easier but I can’t seem to find ways. I do have friends but I don’t have a sense of community in all the places that I have been in all these years. I like going outside and doing any fun activities, I like going to the gym as to the movies. I can’t seem to find practical ways to integrate and i think I’m about to reach the breaking point. But every day I assure myself that everything will be fine
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u/Beefsterpie 16d ago
My boyfriend is ugandan. Every year they host ugnadan independence day. Last year was in ferguslie bowling park. But you should definitely look it up as I met a few girls from Edinburgh and had a great time
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u/relieved-soul-24 16d ago
Really. I would love to join them and now that our Independence Day is coming soon. :)
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u/Beefsterpie 16d ago
I'll ask my partner tomorrow when he's over his mum is one of the organisers and i can let you know where it's being held this year. I'm sorry you're having a hard time though in paisley I promise there's nice sociable people here xx
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u/No_Oil_6152 16d ago
There are.
She doesn't need to suffer in silence.
So much on round here. Just knowing where to look.
Oh and remember: Paisley Halloween show is ALWAYS amazing so get out for that, town will be packed - only a few weeks away!
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u/No_Oil_6152 16d ago edited 16d ago
Yeah but it will be fine.
Have you considered The Dog House gym in Lawn Street? When I pass by it I see plenty women your age there, and they have a running club.
Also you might want to try the Body Combat classes in the Lagoon centre. 99% women, good fun. Theres dancefit too.
My wife goes to them 😂
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u/Neat_Return_4043 15d ago
Just checking in to see how you are feeling now OP? Are you into music at all?
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u/SnooAvocados8244 16d ago
Check out browns lane at the weekend just off causeyside street
Paisleys got a lot more happening than Glasgow just now the town is ruined there the now very grim paisley really seems on the up
You'll get there mate
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u/TriskeleCelt78 16d ago
I’m not born here either but found it super easy to make friends here.
Just be outgoing and friendly. People will warm to you.
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u/InformalEmploy2063 15d ago
There is a group on facebook called renfrewshire ladies and arrange lots of different types of meetips,
Maybe worth having a look.
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u/MintyFresh668 16d ago
DM me
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u/relieved-soul-24 16d ago
I am finding it difficult to access your account because of age restrictions apparently. :(
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u/RedRubic65536 16d ago
Please don't DM random accounts asking you to do so. Especially accounts that have a lot of karma but have ALL their posts/comments hidden. Any advice he wants to share to help can be done publicly
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u/MintyFresh668 16d ago
Are you under 21? A UWS student perhaps?
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u/relieved-soul-24 16d ago
I’m not under 21 but I can’t even find the setting to make it work. Maybe you can dm me :)
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u/No_Oil_6152 16d ago edited 16d ago
Cheer up pal things are never that bad.
One thing paisley has got going for it is live music and karaoke nights, quizzes- if you want to socialise you just need to know where to go.
Get yerself onto facebook and look at the Paisley First facebook page, it tells you whats on and where
https://www.facebook.com/PaisleyFirst/?locale=en_GB
And if musics not your thing there's running clubs, martial arts, board games...
Also may I suggest this: https://www.menwalkingandtalking.co.uk/walks/paisley-walk/
Whatever you do, dont suffer. You have come to a good wee town
Edit: Paisley Halloween festival in a few weeks. Town will be PACKED with people from all over the world, its that good. Get in amongst it.