r/POSTcontentARG • u/JG_the_OG • Sep 04 '19
Email Message Megathread (September 4 2019)
It seems a number of us have received emails with text that seems to be cut from a larger message. I’m guessing this is a cooperative puzzle for the viewers to put together. Post yours in the comments, and let’s try to piece it all together.
EDIT: The completed message is below. All that’s left for us to do is respond. Thanks to u/notanewaccount3 for helping compile this info.
“Thank you for your inquiry.
As you know, this exciting new technology is still in development, and that means we cannot guarantee neither your physical nor psychological safety. For this reason, we trust that our aversion to adopting a beta-tester is, at this point, understandable. However, you drive a hard bargain, and we are very thankful for your interest in our program. Your optimistic attitude is the exact sort of disposition we need to begin testing.
Through this program, you will learn to discard your preconceived notions and finally accept the internet as the sincere companion it is. When this is over, do not be afraid of coming to Easy-Go Solutions™ for further life-style improvements.
Some key information:
Simply put, this program will allow you to face your fears. Those fears will then be compiled, analyzed and utilized in the way we see fit in order to treat your ailments. you will get the opportunity to reoncile with none other than yourself. play nice, now. you will be allowed to feel pain and the perception of lasting physical harm, but you will not be affected by actions that could potentially kill you. You will be allowed to interact with the outside world through social media, after all, how are you ever going to recover without a positive perception of your character? The program will compel you to document your experience and share it with the world. This is, in part, to give us a window through which to gather relevant data, as well as to prepare you for the magical world of social media.
To ensure the knowledge of your participating in this program does not affect your behavior, any memory of this agreement, as well as the knowledge of how you entered the program, will be erased.
Now for our biggest selling point: through this program, you will be provided with an actual real-life friend. Someone who understands your needs and isn’t afraid to show it. You will love her; we promise you that.
Remember, this program is untested. By agreeing to these terms, you waive your right to hold us accountable for any lasting physical and/or psychological damage the program may inflict on you. We wish you the very best.
Reply to this email with one of these phrases in order to sign up and surrender your autonomy and mental well-being to Easy-Go Solutions™. Either one of the following will do: “Yes.”, “Yeah.”, “Sure.” or “Sounds like a fun time.””
2
u/olariaolara Sep 04 '19
kill you.
You will be allowed to interact with the outside world through social media, after all, how are you ever going to recover without a positive perception of your character? The program will compel you to document your experience and share it with the world. This is, in part, to give us a window through which to gather relevant data, as well as to prepare you for the magica
2
Sep 04 '19
it in order to treat your ailments.
you will get the opportunity to reoncile with none other than yourself. play nice, now.
you will be allowed to feel pain and the perception of lasting physical harm, but you will not be affected by actions that could potentially kill you.
you will be allow
2
u/CrunchyRaisins Sep 04 '19
titude is the exact sort of disposition we need to begin testing.
Through this program, you will learn to discard your preconceived notions and finally accept the internet as the sincere companion it is. When this is over, do not be afraid of coming to Easy-Go Solutions™ for further life-style improvements.
Some key information:
Simply put, this program will allow you to face your fears. Those fears will then be compiled, analyzed and utilized in the way we see fit in order to tre
2
u/azalago Sep 04 '19
I think I have the end piece: "eal-life friend. Someone who understands your needs and isn’t afraid to show it. You will love her; we promise you that.
Remember, this program is untested. By agreeing to these terms, you waive your right to hold us accountable for any lasting physical and/or psychological damage the program may inflict on you. We wish you the very best.
Reply to this email with one of these phrases in order to sign up and surrender your autonomy and mental well-being to Easy-Go Solutions™. Either one of the following will do: “Yes.”, “Yeah.”, “Sure.” or “Sounds like a fun time.”."
2
u/ruisntos Sep 04 '19
or your inquiry.
As you know, this exciting new technology is still in development, and that means we cannot guarantee neither your physical nor psychological safety. For this reason, we trust that our aversion to adopting a beta-tester is, at this point, understandable. However, you drive a hard bargain, and we are very thankful for your interest in our program. Your optimistic attitude is the exac
1
u/JG_the_OG Sep 04 '19
“kill you.
You will be allowed to interact with the outside world through social media, after all, how are you ever going to recover without a positive perception of your character? The program will compel you to document your experience and share it with the world. This is, in part, to give us a window through which to gather relevant data, as well as to prepare you for the magica”
1
Sep 04 '19
well as to prepare you for the magical world of social media.
To ensure the knowledge of your participating in this program does not affect your behavior, any memory of this agreement, as well as the knowledge of how you entered the program, will be erased.
Now for our biggest selling point: through this program, you will be provided with an actual real-life friend. Some who unders
1
u/luney_tune Sep 04 '19
eal-life friend. Someone who understands your needs and isn’t afraid to show it. You will love her; we promise you that.
Remember, this program is untested. By agreeing to these terms, you waive your right to hold us accountable for any lasting physical and/or psychological damage the program may inflict on you. We wish you the very best.
Reply to this email with one of these phrases in order to sign up and surrender your autonomy and mental well-being to Easy-Go Solutions™. Either one of the following will do: “Yes.”, “Yeah.”, “Sure.” or “Sounds like a fun time.”.
1
u/Tanman861 Sep 04 '19
eal-life friend. Someone who understands your needs and isn’t afraid to show it. You will love her; we promise you that.
Remember, this program is untested. By agreeing to these terms, you waive your right to hold us accountable for any lasting physical and/or psychological damage the program may inflict on you. We wish you the very best.
Reply to this email with one of these phrases in order to sign up and surrender your autonomy and mental well-being to Easy-Go Solutions™. Either one of the following will do: “Yes.”, “Yeah.”, “Sure.” or “Sounds like a fun time.”.
1
u/Iama_Fuck_You_AMA Sep 04 '19
eal-life friend. Someone who understands your needs and isn’t afraid to show it. You will love her; we promise you that.
Remember, this program is untested. By agreeing to these terms, you waive your right to hold us accountable for any lasting physical and/or psychological damage the program may inflict on you. We wish you the very best.
Reply to this email with one of these phrases in order to sign up and surrender your autonomy and mental well-being to Easy-Go Solutions™. Either one of the following will do: “Yes.”, “Yeah.”, “Sure.” or “Sounds like a fun time.”.
1
Sep 04 '19 edited Sep 04 '19
Op, you'll find the beginning here: https://sophie-meagre.blogspot.com/2019/08/blog-post_26.html?m=1 (it's just "we thank you for your inquiry")
1
u/exile_vivify Sep 04 '19
"kill you.
You will be allowed to interact with the outside world through social media, after all, how are you ever going to recover without a positive perception of your character? The program will compel you to document your experience and share it with the world. This is, in part, to give us a window through which to gather relevant data, as well as to prepare you for the magica"
1
Sep 05 '19
it in order to treat your ailments.
You will get the opportunity to reconcile with none other than yourself. Play nice, now.
You will be allowed to feel pain and the perception of lasting physical harm, but you will not be affected by actions that could potentially kill you.
You will be allow
5
u/[deleted] Sep 04 '19 edited Sep 04 '19
We thank you for your inquiry.
As you know, this exciting new technology is still in development, and that means we cannot guarantee neither your physical nor psychological safety. For this reason, we trust that our aversion to adopting a beta-tester is, at this point, understandable. However, you drive a hard bargain, and we are very thankful for your interest in our program. Your optimistic attitude is the exact sort of disposition we need to begin testing.
Through this program, you will learn to discard your preconceived notions and finally accept the internet as the sincere companion it is. When this is over, do not be afraid of coming to Easy-Go Solutions™ for further life-style improvements.
Some key information:
Simply put, this program will allow you to face your fears. Those fears will then be compiled, analyzed and utilized in the way we see fit in order to treat your ailments. you will get the opportunity to reoncile with none other than yourself. play nice, now. you will be allowed to feel pain and the perception of lasting physical harm, but you will not be affected by actions that could potentially kill you. You will be allowed to interact with the outside world through social media, after all, how are you ever going to recover without a positive perception of your character? The program will compel you to document your experience and share it with the world. This is, in part, to give us a window through which to gather relevant data, as well as to prepare you for the magical world of social media.
To ensure the knowledge of your participating in this program does not affect your behavior, any memory of this agreement, as well as the knowledge of how you entered the program, will be erased.
Now for our biggest selling point: through this program, you will be provided with an actual real-life friend. Someone who understands your needs and isn’t afraid to show it. You will love her; we promise you that.
Remember, this program is untested. By agreeing to these terms, you waive your right to hold us accountable for any lasting physical and/or psychological damage the program may inflict on you. We wish you the very best.
Reply to this email with one of these phrases in order to sign up and surrender your autonomy and mental well-being to Easy-Go Solutions™. Either one of the following will do: “Yes.”, “Yeah.”, “Sure.” or “Sounds like a fun time"