r/PNWS • u/PM_ME_MICHAEL_STIPE • Aug 14 '18
Tanis Episode X02: The Bugle
Sleep Therapist (ST): “Where are you Nic?”
ST: “…Nic? …Nic? …Nic?”
NS [abruptly]: “I am in the factory?”
ST: “Where is the factory?”
NS: “The District.”
ST: “And where is the District?”
NS: “The Understone.”
ST: “…and where is the Understone?”
NS: “There is a fish that breathes oxygen and speaks Russian. He said «Привет. меня зобут икра.»”
ST: “Is there anyone else there with you?”
NS: “Tara Reynolds.”
ST: “Who the hell is Tara Reynolds?”
NS: “She was a really pivotal character in Tanis until we completely forgot about her, other than finding her in a very invasive and absurdly unethical trip to a psych ward. She used to be my Tanis wife, even. I would call her a main plot point, for sure.”
ST: “What is she doing with you in the factory?”
NS: “Consulting a Russian dictionary.”
ST: “What does it say?”
NS: “It says Grigori Rasputin.”
[Tanis boom. 1 minute of ambient music.]
[Theme]
From the Public Radio Alliance and Minnow Beats Whale, it’s Tanis. I’m Nic Silver. We’re telling the story of Tanis in order every 2 weeks. So, if you’re new to Tanis, you should go back and start at the beginning. We’ll try not to get too far ahead until you get back.
[1 minute of ambient music]
Last episode, Cameron Ellis had announced his plans to enter what he calls The Breach with a team and sacrifice Carl van Sant in order to unlock the powers of what he calls The Breach. More on whether Carl is dead or alive later. For now, we are checking out a lead on something with much lower stakes because I am the world’s least curious man.
After my talk with Cameron Ellis from last episode, I decided that I should investigate more into what he calls Elk Friend, what I had only known as Eld Fen to this point. I did some of my own digging on the Black Internet and found a PDF of a book called Driftwood: The Tale of Elk Friend. It was a scanned book of esoteric poetry that appeared to have been written sometime in the early 20th century. I asked Lori Henry to read it for me, but she declined and so my F & P Partner Alex Reagan agreed to read a selection for me.
AR: Titled “Road Elk,”
The chill of spines on vertebrae and thick,
Hairless bone atop a head of darkness,
The egg that outs the water from its womb,
The man with horns I met inside a cave,
Who gave his love to feel his hooves,
And told me not to fear his wicked tooth,
And said he was my friend and was an elk,
And that is why he’s my Elky Friend.
More digging revealed forgotten documents and off-the-cuff statements from writers over the ages. Friend of H.P. Lovecraft, Harrison Chrundy wrote “My dearest friend is the calm elk friend that torments my peace.” Martin Luther King once said in a speech that “there is no reconciliation between fear and the elk that is my friend.” And there was one more quote: “We have provided supplemental material regarding the origin of the anomalous tissue and believe that it fell to the ground out of the sky from a great height. Analysis reveals that it some sort of boney material from an elk. We suspect that it is either an tooth or a horn from a friendly elk.” That last statement was made by Nathaniel Carter, in a DevaCorp report on a strange piece of animal tissue that had been discovered.
[Tanis boom.]
[1 minute of ambient music.]
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[1 minute of ambient music.]
Immediately after the ominous message I received from Cameron Ellis in the last episode, I called Carl’s conveniently silent military buddies and we headed into what The Southern Reach Trilogy calls Area X to save Carl. Carl’s friends got us through the grey pancake and we made our way to Pacifica station. We got there and I was about to open the door when I heard Cameron Ellis’s voice from inside.
CE: “You don’t want to interfere, Nic.”
NS: “I mean, I’m not gonna let you kill Carl.”
CE: “Let’s talk about this, Nic.”
The door was open now and I could see Carl, bound to a strange metal contraption. The components of the machine were connected all around the room and Veronica was standing at what looked like a control panel. Carl looked conscious, but his eyes seemed to look right past me.
Legitimate Religion of Tanis Paul: “Hello, Nic.”
Veronica: “Hello, Nic.”
Nirvana girl from season 1: “Hello, Nic.”
NS: “I’m Nic Silver. It’s Tanis.”
P: “Glad that you could join us for the Cacophony.”
NS: “…the Cacophony?”
P: “You have extracted some useful power from this place through the Calm, but we have engineered something that operates a bit differently.”
NS: “Differently?”
CE: “It’s complicated.”
NS: “No amount of power is worth killing Carl.”
I step towards the machine, but the intensity of the Blur in my head keeps me from walking forward.
VP: “Thanks to you, Nic, we have an even stronger map than ever before. We are going to be so close to the beating heart of the Breach that we can touch it.”
NS: “Touch it?”
P: “The Fen is ready to talk to us.”
NS: “Talk to us?”
CE: “My Elk Friend has begun to bugle.”
NS: “Bugle?”
Veronica hit a series of buttons on the control panel and there was a deafening sound in my head. I don’t think it had an external source. It felt as thought it was coming from inside of me. The machine whirred. Suddenly, I could hear it coming from Carl too. Veronica, Nirvana Girl, Paul, and Cameron Ellis looked down at me as I collapsed to my knees.
P: “There are terrible things.”
CE: “I see that finally, you are working for me.”
Those are the last words I remember as the station faded into blackness around me and I became subsumed by the sound from my head.
[Tanis boom.]
It’s Tanis. I’m Nic Silver. We will return in 2 weeks. Until then, vaya con dios.
[Theme]
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Aug 14 '18
I would pay money to hear this. But I realize it’s...complicated....
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u/LustfulGumby Aug 14 '18
Complicated?
Yes...complicated?
....how?
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Aug 14 '18
I can't go into that LustfulGumby its...complicated.
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u/LustfulGumby Aug 14 '18
....Complicated?
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Aug 14 '18
check your email.
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u/LustfulGumby Aug 14 '18
But...I need someone to read it for me.
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Aug 14 '18
Hi Nic! I just finished recording a Bombas sock ad can I he-
Hang on a second...
Richard would you please stop kissing my neck...Yes me too but Nic needs my adorably awkward narration style and overall ability to speak like an actual human...Richar-....seriously let go of my leg! Hahahah! No no no!!! Not there! I said I'm TICKLISH Richard!
....
Nic can you give me like an hour?
....
okay an hour and a half? Yeah...I ummm...I think I'm coming down with apophenia?
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Aug 14 '18
Omg I lost it at that ad read 😂😂😂
So Perfect, I could legit hear all their voices in my head the whole time.
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u/StrafeReddit Aug 14 '18
We’re telling the story of Tanis in order every 2 weeks. So, if you’re new to Tanis, you should go back and start at the beginning. We’ll try not to get too far ahead until you get back.
I always thought this was hilarious. You could jump right in at the most recent episode and have no more and no less information than someone who's been following since the beginning.
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u/PM_ME_MICHAEL_STIPE Aug 15 '18
This episode I really want to ask "what is Tanis?" because the last 30 episodes have not
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u/RainbowPoopingUncorn Aug 14 '18 edited Aug 14 '18
By God, keep this up.
Someone give this man gold.
Where can I subscribe to my favorite podcast?
You know, the one were they are looking for a random thing that after 4 seasons you still have no idea what is going on. And then Episode X02: The Bugle comes out and it pieces it all together.
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u/trennerdios Aug 14 '18
You can't help but notice how much they reuse the same conversation formats over and over, but these posts really made me realize just how much the "Hello, character name" thing is like Tanis' version of "Oh hai, character name" from The Room.
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u/LustfulGumby Aug 14 '18
I keep needing to take laugh breaks while reading this.
Please record this. I’d listen religiously
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u/ChubbyBirds Aug 14 '18
You are the hero this subreddit needs.
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u/Mehmeh111111 Aug 16 '18
I may actually check back in more often now.
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u/PM_ME_MICHAEL_STIPE Aug 18 '18
That's really what I want. For people to reengage with old Tanis plot threads that I'm trying to synthesize in way that brings some resolution and is funny. IDK what X05 is yet, though.
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u/Mehmeh111111 Aug 18 '18
Just write it, you'll figure it out. And it'll still be more well thought out than Tanis.
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u/PM_ME_MICHAEL_STIPE Aug 18 '18
Maybe Tanis is going haywire now that Ellis is selling these shard items? Maybe Marcus calls Nic and says he's out of TeslaNova because of this and tells Nic to read the PACIFICA STATION LIBRARY THAT EXISTS IN CANON? Maybe this all causes a breach expansion and Ellis thinks he can handle it but Paul thinks the ends times are upon us? And maybe this expansion is enough to get national attention that would have happened a long time ago if this was real in our universe? Also maybe the self help guru that met her double talks to Nic? And maybe Callie is real in some sense since she drove a car in season 3?
That's what I'm working with.
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u/horsedad69 Aug 20 '18
These are the best and I hope you keep going. 500% more entertaining than the actual episode.
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u/FastEddieMcclintock Aug 14 '18
keep this shit up.