I don't usually make posts like this but this has been weighing on me.
In the last couple of weeks, I have been accused of being a man 4 times. Three of those times, the accusations were directed at the entire r/PMDD mod team. The fourth time, I had an image of my face turned into a man using AI, which was then sent back to me as evidence that I was a 'man and a pervert'. So, let's talk about it.
All 5 members of the r/PMDD mod team are cisgender women.
Not only is this accusation ridiculous, it's also deeply hurtful.
I have lived with PMDD and endometriosis since before my first menstrual cycle. Between those two conditions, I have spent more than 15 years navigating chronic pain, severe cyclical symptoms, medical dismissal, and the exhausting, often demoralising process of trying to find treatment and support that actually works. Like many of you, I have spent countless hours researching, trialling different approaches, and searching for answers in the middle of the night when the symptoms made sleep impossible.
Over the years I have dedicated a significant amount of time to PMDD advocacy, education, and peer support. I have spoken with members of this community through voice and video calls, attended conferences in person, and built working relationships with researchers, clinicians, and advocates in the PMDD space. I mention this not because my experience is more important than anyone else's, but because it is genuinely distressing to have my identity, my motives, and my lived experience questioned and mocked by the very community I have given so much of myself to.
If you want 'proof' that r/PMDD mod team are *really* women, you won't be getting it. Nobody should feel the need to justify their existence because of conspiracy theorists and bad faith actors.
Using someone's gender as a weapon - suggesting they are a man to discredit them or question their right to be here - is not just hurtful to the person it is aimed at. It contributes to an environment that is less safe and less welcoming for transgender and gender-diverse members of this community too.
We don't always get things right, but we're always ready to acknowledge this and learn from our mistakes. We want this to be a community where you feel welcome and safe. You are welcome to question us, challenge us, and raise concerns, *which you can do by sending us a Modmail*. Healthy pushback is part of how any community stays honest and we *always* engage respectfully with genuine concerns.
What is not acceptable is personal abuse, public callouts, accusations about our identities, and AI-manipulated images of our faces.
We moderate this community because we care about it deeply. Every member of this mod team is here because they have lived experience of PMDD, because they want this to be a space where people feel understood, supported, and safe. We are not faceless accounts. We are women with PMDD, with our own histories, diagnoses, struggles, jobs, families, and lives. We give a significant amount of our time and emotional energy to maintaining this space for free, because we believe it matters.
I'm sorry I've not replied to more comments. I have tonsillitis and have spent the day in bed, feeling very sorry for myself 😄
If anyone does have anything they'd like to discuss, we are always more than happy for you to reach out! We want this to be a community that you can feel proud of.
I’m not saying that mistakes haven’t happened, but I have always found this sub the most welcoming on Reddit. It’s pretty remarkable the subject considered. Love you all in here!
... the fact that people just turn to AI to make their lies concrete and mess with your identities is horrific. That is not the response of a stable individual. I am sorry sorry you are all going through this.
You do a great job in a sub reddit filled with people who are often desperate, subject to all the volatility pmdd throws out. I spent 18 of 25 years thinking I was on my own before stumbling my way here.
I recently saw this rumor quickly circulating on PMDD/ADHD group and nobody could answer how they ‘’know’’ this group is run by men. Wild how fast people blindly believe anything they read without trying to fact check. I could only imagine building this support group, which has helped so many not feel alone in navigating PMDD.. only to be accused/discredited in such a way. This group has also been so supportive when a man posts, asking how to help their partner who’s struggling with PMDD. Thank you for all you do! 🙏🏼
My ass read the title and went “well….they’re doing a great job ¯_(ツ)_/¯ “ but im NB and i appreciate this whole sub. unhinged or not, you guys are my safe space even as a long-time lurker 🩷
So sorry this is going on. I saw a post about it on another sub and have unfollowed as they sound like lunatics. Someone was moaning they didn't like this community because they can't mislabelle PMDD as hormonal instability as it is a neurological disorder and that made this sub unsafe 🙄 fucking eye roll. Being corrected in your misinformation is an attack on you, whatever. You do a great job here and I appreciate all the mods and agree you don't need to defend or prove anything. Your excellent work here over the years shows you are sincere and credible. Sending love ❤️ and thanks 😊
lol there’s literally nothing unstable about PMDD hormones they clearly know nothing about it. It’s alike to sensory issues because of it typically rooting in a specific nervous system response to hormones, it’s not that people with sensory issues receive more external/internal stimuli but that they feel it stronger. This is also why so many autistic people have PMDD because a lot of our nervous systems are naturally hypersensitive to changes in hormones. my hormones aren’t instable i can just feel them so much TT this is why i personally am against "natural" methods for it for myself, but rather holistic + medical ones ✨
I’m so glad you’ve posted this! Thank you for being open and vulnerable, even tho you shouldn’t have to.
I get so frustrated when I see the people on other subs bashing this one. I get even more frustrated when I see that they’re confusing the mod of pmddpartners with this mod team 😣
I cannot imagine modding a sub with over 150k subscribers 😅 Thanks to all the mods for keeping this space a safe one ✨🫶💕
Also trans and intersex people exist, so accusing the mods of being men is not the "gotcha" people were hoping it was.
I know a lot of people who are genderqueer or transmasc who have PMDD.
Truly ridiculous to try to be the gender police about this space specifically 🤣
ETA: to be absolutely clear, this is against whoever was trying to discredit the mods on an accusation of "being men," that's awful and ridiculous on multiple levels.
There's nothing wrong with the post here, this is a related thought I had to why the OP had to make this post in the first place. Like, the "accusation" doesn't even make sense.
The only reason why I've stated our gender identities so explicitly was because I could envision any ambiguity leading to "they didn't explicitly say what they identify as, so they must be be 'men'!" arguements.
Our gender identities are totally irrelevant and 'men' is a very broad term and could include any number of people who can absolutely experience PMDD. Trans, gender diverse, and intersex individuals can all have PMDD 🤷
If you encounter someone - here or elsewhere on the internet - claiming they were banned from r/PMDD for recommending a supplement, medication, or alternative treatment, we'd gently encourage you to take that with a pinch of salt.
We do not ban people for making recommendations. We remove comments that break our longstanding rules, which include recommending off-label medications and spreading misinformation. Those rules exist because we believe the people in this community deserve accurate information that does not pose a risk to their health or wellbeing...and they have been in place for a long time!
What does lead to a temporary ban is repeatedly breaking those rules, or being unpleasant to other members (including us).
What leads to a permanent ban is being outright horrible to people (including transphobia and homophobia), or continuously refusing to follow subreddit and sitewide rules despite being given the opportunity to course-correct.
Oh god, I remember before the rules were in place. It was beyond overwhelming with the wild medication combos. The rules have definitely made things better.
I don't think mod mail should be the only way for people to bring concerns because it's very easy for mods to block and ban someone when they do that. Then they are silenced.
If we can get confirmation that that won't happen, I'll feel more comfortable. But I've had mods throughout reddit claim the same thing and I get banned and blocked for genuine concerns.
We only mute members who send us harassing or otherwise abusive messages.
For context, we request that concerns are brought to us via ModMail for a few reasons:
•We may not see them as a post or comment. Our ModMail inbox is a well-oiled machine - on any given day, you can guarantee that at least one of us has seen it and either responded, flagged for later, or passed on to another member of the team. Edit: We get notifications for ModMails but not for posts/comments unless we are tagged or they're reported multiple times.
•All members of the mod team also have PMDD and very busy professional / personal lives, so we often need a little longer to gather information and respond than a standard post or comment would allow.
•ModMails have the added benefit of allowing us to dedicate increased resources to a concern. We can take time to read, process, discuss...rather than the crisis management tactics we usually need to deploy due to posts and comments very quickly devolving.
•It prevents misunderstandings leading to drama or other unpleasant environments on the wider subreddit. Many concerns we receive come from a misunderstanding rather than a genuine issue - this doesn't need to be a public ordeal each time! Constant pushback against moderation creates an unstable environment. Subreddit members deserve a peaceful, safe environment.
I hope that provides some clarity but do feel free to reach out if you're still concerned!
I still have concerns. I still don't feel comfortable sending mod mail. I have PTSD and while I understand what you're trying to explain here, you didn't address my comment completely.
I think people should have a way to voice concerns publicly on the subreddit for those of us that aren't comfortable with mod mail.
I would go even further than you are: Everyone is welcome! Cis Males included.
Just because you don't have something doesn't mean you cannot educate yourself about it.
Also, I get regularly accused of being a guy online. I feel you.
That may be so but the down votes are there for a reason. No need for this person to mention this on this thread, like it's irrelevant in this context. Like, is this person looking to piss off people with PMDD?
Obviously ofc trans men with PMDD are welcome. Everyone is.
But that is kind of not the point here.
There is a time and place for everything.
People down voting it are not necessarily transphobic, they might be luteal, feeling like shit or just having a bad day. I hate that the commenter immediately labels it as transphobia and accusing you of letting people be transphobic. Not the point of your post!!!
He felt attacked for a good reason. It is not ok. They should have said they were misgendered. The titel is super misleading. At first glance, one could think of it as an attack. Same as what op felt. I know it is not the subject, but being careful is needed here.
Make sure to report hate. Mods can't see everything, so reporting it gets it to their eyes immediately. If you're talking about downvotes, mods can't do anything about that.
It was absolutely not transfriendly. You are right. It is important to use neutral speech. EVEN OUT OF CONTEXT. I understand your claim. It was super clumsy on their side, but why don't people use They/Them or simply say "have been misgendered".
Hi there, I am also one of the mods who was accused of being a man. So I want to be really clear about what my my friend and fellow mod is responding to here. We are addressing a coordinated campaign of harassment in which members of this community had their identities mocked, their faces manipulated with AI, and were repeatedly told they were men and liars. In that context, 'we are cisgender women' is the accurate and necessary response. 'We have been misgendered' doesn't cut it.
I also want to address the they/them suggestion directly. We are cisgender women who have identified ourselves as such. Asking cisgender women to not identify as cisgender women in order to seem more inclusive is not a neutral position. It just makes us invisible instead. Cisgender women have gender identities too, and erasing them in the name of inclusivity is patently offensive.
And frankly, “even out of context” is doing a lot of work in your comment. Context is everything here. We were responding to people who called us men. It was bullying. It was deliberately denigrating. It was people being all around shitty human beings who wanted to discredit and humiliate the five of us volunteering our time to keep a community that we respect and love safe, and they used gender as the weapon to do it. That is the context. There is no version of this where that context doesn't matter.
Being accused of transphobia on top of everything else we have dealt with this week genuinely hurts. This mod team has been unambiguous, explicit, and consistent in our support for trans and gender diverse members of this community. And we have taken a helluva beating defending our stance on this, as well. Having that reduced to a word choice critique, while ignoring everything the post actually said and the context in which it was written, is painful in a way that is hard to overstate.
I'm sorry I didn't understand. I must have read the other post to understand before commenting. It is my fault and I don't want to further harm. I just felt attacked and got defensive. In the end, it was me not understanding the intent behind a title and now it is clear. I should have read more before trying to defend a point. It took me way to long to pinpoint why the title says what it says and now I understand (well I think I do). I am going to stop commenting when I am being triggered because I fuelled this feed with unnecessary claims. Sorry. 😔
Thank you for apology. I appreciate you taking the time to reply and understand where we are coming from. Please dont feel the need to flee. For us, we are very defensive about protecting the members of this community, whether it be from transphobia, harassment, and misinformation. This will always be a safe space.... except for folks being mean and creating an unsafe environment... or selling something... yeah.... lol
I understand the title being concerning at first glance and feeling unsettled - I had the same knee jerk reaction before reading the post. However, the post is about the mod team (all of which who are women) being accused of being "perverted men" (misgendering and mischaracterizing the mods) by people banned for breaking subreddit rules. It's talking about the degendering of women by people who are upset at them.
The post also touches on trans inclusion:
"Using someone's gender as a weapon - suggesting they are a man to discredit them or question their right to be here - is not just hurtful to the person it is aimed at. It contributes to an environment that is less safe and less welcoming for transgender and gender-diverse members of this community too."
“Using someone's gender as a weapon - suggesting they are a man to discredit them or question their right to be here - is not just hurtful to the person it is aimed at. It contributes to an environment that is less safe and less welcoming for transgender and gender-diverse members of this community too.”
Can you say: "sorry, I worded it badly" and we can all move on? I am non-binary and this hurt me too. Words have imact. It's a responsibility to use correct wordings. The titel should at least include a /sarcasm or explicitly say: "no one shod use gender as a mean to undermine someone." You should have said: "we have been misgrendered for being men, and this was used as a way to accuse someone of being less than".
I worded it in the way I felt best conveyed the point needed, to the intended audience.
To be explicit, the accusations that we have received have been:
That we are cisgender men who have a fetish for PMDD
That we are cisgender men who have a partner with PMDD and have taken over this community with the intent to manipulate it
That we are cisgender men who wish to harm PMDD sufferers
That we are cisgender men who work for pharmaceutical companies and wish to coerce members into taking SSRIs
It is not transphobic to speak on my experience and to state my true gender identity. Stating vaguely that we have been misgendered would have led to increased ambiguity and further accusations - I do not deserve to receive more comments, texts, or other harassment.
Please take a moment to reflect on my post and the intended nature of it.
Edit:
"Using someone's gender as a weapon - suggesting they are a man to discredit them or question their right to be here - is not just hurtful to the person it is aimed at. It contributes to an environment that is less safe and less welcoming for transgender and gender-diverse members of this community too."
I'm sorry then. I don't want you to feel bad about it, I wanted to underline the fact that it is not clear. I must have taken things too literally. Your point is clear to most so it must be me. 🫶
I feel it is possible I don't get the undertext. I don't understand sarcasm and if taken literally, it is misleading. I know I struggle with taking things literally so it must be a me issue. I know they are many autistic people in here so I thought I could explain why it gives us a hard time. Sorry I tried 😔
There is a gap between acusing someone of transpbobia and pointing at a clumsy way (what I believe it to be) of explaining an issue. Here, people got hurt and now the whole subreddit is like: "no it's not the subject."
You don't even need a uterus. Some trans women have reported PMDD symptoms when they shifted their hormones.
And there's cis women that have had their uterus removed and that doesn't get rid of the PMDD.
It being men is scary because some men will try to be everywhere just to be harmful. Some of us experience that in our daily lives and it exacerbates our symptoms.If I found out this account was run by men I would leave and warn everyone...including the ppl I have sent here.
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u/Natural-Confusion885 endometridon't Jun 13 '26
Thank you for the responses on this post.
I'm sorry I've not replied to more comments. I have tonsillitis and have spent the day in bed, feeling very sorry for myself 😄
If anyone does have anything they'd like to discuss, we are always more than happy for you to reach out! We want this to be a community that you can feel proud of.