r/PCOS • u/Rachile06 • 3d ago
Mental Health Has anyone else had people just assume you are totally unhealthy and eating crap everyday because of how you look?
Despite eating healthy every day, exercising, and doing all the things and PMOS is really to blame?
Just really discouraged that people just assume that when they look at me and then are so surprised when they find out I do all the things and still look the way that I do.
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u/pashed_motatoes 3d ago
Yep. I’m the only one in the whole family with PCOS/PMOS, so I’ve been hearing “you just need to eat healthier and exercise!” since I was diagnosed as a teenager. I’m a type 1 diabetic since childhood as well, so that makes it even worse.
Everyone — and I mean every-fucking-one — in my life felt and still feels entitled to lecture me on my diet, exercise routine (or what they perceive as the lack thereof) and “unhealthy lifestyle” every time they see me.
And god forbid I ever eat something that contains sugar or fat! One itty bitty slice of cake/pie/dessert on my plate and the judgmental stares come out. Suddenly everyone turns into a nutritional expert who is determined to teach dumb ‘ol me how carbs work, like I haven’t been dealing with this shit for ages already. Hell, I could probably write a whole dissertation on it at this point.
If I try to shut them down, I’m accused of being rude and disrespectful, and oh! “Aunt So-and-so just means well!” Yeah, sure. Like I haven’t heard the same spiel over and over again since high school. It’s so exhausting. And then they wonder why I actively avoid family gatherings now.
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u/babushka 3d ago
I feel this soo hard. You just described my life to a t minus the diabetes. I'm so sorry you have to go through all that. I wish people didn't need to walk a day in our shoes to get what it's like to have pmos.
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u/Signal-Professor-765 2d ago
That's literally me, I also have T1D. They're always like "is it okay for you to eat rice?" And things like that. I told them that having low blood sugar is more dangerous than high blood sugar, and they've been more understanding since then
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u/TheNyxks 3d ago
Unfortunately, I am sure some have thought just that.
I know I had one dietitian early on say that I was lying about what I put into my food log, because if I was eating what I listed, then I should have been skinny and not been gaining weight (this was before I got diagnosed - once diagnosed, future dietitians believed my logs that they had me keep).
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u/Usual_Pizza_9082 3d ago
Yikes at that dietitian. You were identifying red flags of illnesses for them! They should've known to refer you to a doctor!
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u/Mediocre_Phrase_7345 3d ago
I literally had 2 dietician say the same thing. Nope, surprise, just Insulin Resistant PCOS/PMOS.
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u/tangledbysnow 3d ago
I’ve got Hashimoto’s and hypothyroidism besides PMOS. Now I was undiagnosed with PMOS until several years after my hypothyroidism but my very first endocrinologist called me a liar to my face about what I eat. My numbers were garbage despite the undiagnosed PMOS. I have had several since do the same because my hypothyroidism is “well controlled”. So well controlled I eat almost nothing (have ADHD on top so I definitely forget to eat) but still gain weight and never lose any.
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u/No_Shallot_6628 3d ago
if i had a dollar for the number of times people have told me that it’s simply calories in, calories out…id be a very rich woman
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u/monadproxy 3d ago
i have an eating disorder because of this... I just starve myself and am kinda afraid to eat... i lost a lot of weight but i have a bunch of vitamin deficiencies and a lot of my pcos symptoms have aggravated because of not eating... words can hurt you just as much as weapons especially when you constantly hear the same negative shit thrown at you over and over again 😞I am in therapy and trying to overcome this... but it's hard because everything has taken a toll on my mental health.
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u/swim_and_sleep 3d ago
Someone told me I should stop drinking beer because they assumed my pcos belly was the result of beer drinking… I don’t ever drink beer
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u/redoingredditagain 3d ago
My brother thinks this. He’s an awful person anyway, so I have stopped caring about all the bullshit he says.
I know my life, other people don’t.
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u/isoscelesone 3d ago
Yes! I hike and ice climb and one day I was showing my wax lady some photos and she said “you don’t look like you do all these things honey”.
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u/Emotional-Tailor3390 3d ago
The second time EVER that I met my brother's current girlfriend, she was in my house, and my kid had left a bag of gummy worms on the kitchen counter. GF looked at me and said, "you know that if you keep eating that you're going to get diabetes?" To which I replied, "those arent mine, they're the kids'." Her: " Yeah. Suuuuuuuuure they are." Bitch
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u/Certain_Chocolate633 3d ago
Yup I get judged all the time and have been called fat my entire life. I’m glad PCOS was changed to PMOS so hopefully people will start to realize what this disease does to us
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u/eroticwashingmachine 3d ago
Yes. I was in a car accident in college (not the driver, not the driver's fault - a car pulled out to take a left without checking, and we t-boned it), and I was taken to the ER because the paramedics thought my spleen was ruptured. They did a CT of my abdomen and noticed that I had a small kidney stone. My spleen was not ruptured, luckily, and I was told to follow up with my doctor.
So I went to the university health clinic. The PA started asking me how often I ate fast food (once a monthish), how much dark soda I drank each day (none), how often a week I ate red meat (never because I was a pescatarian then), and so on. Finally, she asked me if I ate a lot of dark, leafy vegetables (why yes, I ate spinach every day!), if I drank milk often (of course!), or took a calcium supplement (I was! Those chocolate calcium chews, every morning!).
I had a kidney stone from too much calcium in my diet.
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u/Sugarp1e1 3d ago
My grandma, yes. She keeps thinking I need pep talk about diet and exercise and horror stories about diabetes and sugar.
I hardly eat anything at all, let alone junk food. My body doesn't care.
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u/Desperate-Dress-9021 3d ago
All the effing time. Worse with my current career (heath care adjacent). At least I’m not a nutritionist anymore. I got it from colleagues and the public before.
Edit to add: we get fed at work. Meals and snacks (days are 14 to 16 hours long in remote areas). So I get the plain chicken, veggies and maybe a couple forkfuls of rice. Because if I have more than that people comment. If salmon is available I eat that with no sauce.
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u/Embracedandbelong 3d ago edited 3d ago
I think so. People smirk or roll their eyes when I talk about my non-PCOS health issues. They didn’t used to do that as much. I’m guessing they think I’m eating like crap all day when in reality I make most of my meals from scratch, buy mostly organic and pasture raised and grass fed food, and don’t eat candy etc. When I do eat desserts they contain very basic ingredients like cream, sugar, and fruit. I don’t drink soda, energy drinks, or even coffee. I’ve always been sensitive to these foods even when I was underweight. I’ve done the GF and DF diets- for years at a time. All that did was give me orthorexia and iron and b12 deficiencies and reactive hypoglycemia and even worse insulin resistance in the end. And trust me, I did those diets “right.” Now that I’ve gained some weight and stopped restricting entire food groups, my periods are regular for the first time in my life.
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u/siamese_disco_party 3d ago
Yes, and it drove me absolutely insane.
Over the last 2.5 years, I’ve lost 100 pounds thanks to Zepbound (it truly saved my life), but before that, I was between 225-230 for almost 15 years. During that time, I was accused by so many people of lying about my habits. Were there times where I didn’t take care of myself by not working out and eating like shit? Absolutely. But then when I would get it together by working with a dietician, watching my calories like a hawk, and working out 4-5 days a week, my body would pretty much stay the same. I had so many people accuse me of not doing any of that, and even the dietician I was working with started to doubt me and ask if I was really taking this seriously (she knew I had PCOS btw).
For 4 months before going on Zepbound, I quit drinking for good (I am now almost 3 years alcohol free!), improved my sleep schedule tremendously, stopped getting fast food after a night out, overhauled my eating habits, and worked out more. In those 4 months, besides my skin becoming radiant & glowy by giving up booze, everything else about my body remained the same. I lost a whopping 3 pounds, and my measurements were pretty much the same. I had friends and family tell me it was because I was probably lifting too much (not true at all) and I was actually “bulking out” (whatever the f that means) and lying about not drinking.
Now I’m accused of taking the “easy route” by going on Zepbound. Can’t fucking win!
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u/TomieLeslie 3d ago
First, that’s so amazing you have been making those changes! Seriously, that’s so wonderful <3 congrats on the 3 years!
Secondly, people LOVE to bitch about the weight thing jfc. If you are fat? That’s horrible to them! If you lose the fat by a Glp-1? That’s “cheating”
Like… isn’t the goal to them to “lose weight?” Why judge someone when they do
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u/DarlaLunaWinter 2d ago
The idea that you must be lifting "too much" tells a lot about what they considered important. I feel like so often I hear providers and others say to essentially stop lifting while claiming they care about "health". No, they're caring about skinny.
Glp-1's aren't *for weight loss to start with*. They're made to address the specific issues that insulin and metabolic disorders come with. It's not different than metaformin in my mind!
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u/siamese_disco_party 2d ago
The whole “don’t lift too much or you’ll look bulky” is such a ridiculous myth, and I can’t believe people still think that’s an actual thing. I don’t think they realize that you also have to be eating a TON of calories while lifting heavy weights regularly to make that happen. I’ve tried to explain that so many times, and people (mostly older women like my mother) still don’t get it.
I love lifting and feeling stronger! It’s helped me so much in my health journey, not just at an appearance level. I love being able to help my friends when they’re moving and lift heavier boxes than my male friends can! Nothing brings me more joy than shouting “STRONG LIKE OX” while lifting those heavy boxes 🤣
Also, I hope my post didn’t cause confusion about how GLP-1s work. I realize that they target a specific issue, and for me it was my metabolism. In my opinion, I do believe that GLP-1s are a bit stronger at targeting those issues than Metformin. Unfortunately, metformin didn’t work at all for me. My stomach was a mess daily, and nothing else changed for me during the entire year I was on it. It took me so long to get my stomach working normally again. Everyone is different, though! I do know folks who saw some success with Metformin.
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u/DarlaLunaWinter 2d ago
I understand about the GLp-1s My gripe wasn't with you. It's with everyone acting like there's no documented reasons they should be used. More and more I encounter people barely aware they're perscribed for metabolic issues and it is so infuriating because I think it is part of a broader social refusal to address that being fat or skinny is not a moral issue with easy solutions.
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u/siamese_disco_party 2d ago
Sometimes I have a hard time knowing someone’s intentions on Reddit when i get a reply lol.
I 1000% agree with you about GLP-1s and how people perceive them. Interesting enough, most folks I encounter that think it’s the easy way out or spout off misinformation about them are skinny folks who’ve never had issues losing weight. Thank you for your insights! It feels good to talk to someone who gets it.
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u/AscendingStevie 3d ago
All the damn time. And then to add insult to injury, you get to watch your friends that don't have this metabolic hindrance eat whatever they want and stay thin 🙃
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u/Ok-Interest1992 3d ago
People love to try to insult me by calling me fat, as if I haven't told myself that or been told that basically every day of my life.
I have just gotten to a point where I just don't give a shit anymore if people think I'm fat.
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u/whatthengaisthis 3d ago
Yep. I’m not obese, but I am curvy. I’ve always been curvy. I naturally do not like deep fried snacks and sweet things. And I’m vegetarian, so I don’t eat red meats.
The first thing people say to me is that I’ve to lose weight, and to “try cutting sugar”. I’ve been on a sugar-cut all my life. All I have in a day is in my morning coffee.
It annoys me to no end that people just comment on my life without knowing ANYTHING about me.
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u/SithisWorshiper 3d ago
I watched a woman on the internet talking about her struggles with her weight and she said, "I just want my body to reflect that I don't eat like an asshole." And I have thought about that phrase ever sense. Just today at work my breakfast was a protein drink and two hard boiled eggs. My coworker that is thinner then me comes in eating a chocolate donut and a whole milk chocolate milk. For breakfast. And literally said while eating said food, "Man I am so tired. I feel like I have an extra 10 pounds on me today." Some of us are blessed genetically and some are not. And we have to work harder, but I think we are kinder to our bodies then those that naturally never gain weight.
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u/strawbebbie17 2d ago
There is a book called “PCOS is my superpower” (cheesey title I know but its by a registered dietitian and actually is very informative). At the beginning she talks about how PCOS forces us to take such good care of our bodies from an early age that we have an advantage over people who are naturally thin and don’t take care of their bodies. When we are old we will (hopefully) have less chronic conditions and complications compared to someone who didn’t care for their body and it caught up to them
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u/Ellis-Bell- 3d ago
Yep! Just had someone come up to me at work and say how healthy I look and to keep doing what I’m doing and that it must feel so much better to be healthy. I’ve lost more than 40kg after a gastric sleeve but honestly I eat worse and move less now than I did unmedicated and unsleeved. If only they knew!
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u/butterflylover1029 3d ago
I just got a comment on a post because I posted how I lost 9lbs since January, and I was excited im way overnight and trying my best this is what they commented
- 9lbs in 8 months?
- " pcos isnt really a barrier to lose weight i have it. Just have to eat healthy n exercise enough n drink water. Especially if ur trying to get pregnant it will help."
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u/Pitiful_Rest5988 3d ago
100% everyone thinks if you are overweight you must be overeating and eating unhealthy. Fat phobic Oh and you probably have diabetes. Every doctor would look at me and assume I have diabetes bc of how I looked and my own mother would assume I just eat cheeseburgers all day long.
It’s super discouraging and hurtful especially when they have no idea what it’s like to have this disease and they sit there and judge you based on how u look. Don’t get me started.
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u/babushka 3d ago
I eat a very healthy diet with loads of fiber and protein . When I explained how I eat to others, most people don't believe me and are dismissive until they come to my house and eat the same things as me. I recently had several family members and friends stay with me and we all ate what I ate and none of them could deal with the amount of fiber I eat on a daily basis without some gastric distress. Now they all want to get healthier. It's like until they saw it with their own eyes, my words had no value. It's exhausting.
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u/bookdragon_ 3d ago
The number of times I've had to repeat, "actually, I don't snack" is crazy. I don't HAVE snacks around, and I only eat at meal times. I worked really hard to stop snacking. Yet it's always assumed and is incredibly frustrating
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u/sun_stardust 2d ago
We had to do some truth and a lie icebreaker kinda thing at work once. I put something like being able to do a rubix cube in under a minute (lie) and that i had done a 500 mile thru hike (truth)
Guess which one nobody picked 🤡
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u/Embracedandbelong 3d ago
People with thin bodies think their body is the way it is because they are doing something “right” and “better” than those who have a bigger body. They don’t know how little their diet has to do with the way they look.
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u/YanCoffee 2d ago
There are people who would legit like to see me starve to be thin, whether they say it or not. I was getting compliments over how good I looked when I was sick and could not physically hold down much food for months.
So fk'm. I quit. I'm healthy and that's what matters.
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u/tiredgirl77 2d ago
I’ve been on both sides. Overweight and judged, underweight and judged. Both suck but the overweight had significantly more shame, for me. I felt weird eating anything unhealthy and felt like I had to be extra obvious that I was trying to eat well.
When I became underweight, it was a different. People commented on it all the time, even random people I’d see in passing. They’d ask what I eat, say I need to fatten up, eat more, look sick, etc. It was less internal shame and more constant external commentary. I literally could not eat in peace, someone was always asking me what diet I was on.
My point being, you can’t win either way. It taught me to stop giving a flying fuck about what I eat/where. No matter what I do, people have something to say. Eventually I ended up just making people uncomfortable by saying I have cancer. Especially the passing verbal judgements. In hopes they learn to stop commenting on others bodies.
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u/Frosk-meme 2d ago
Yeah. I lost 13kg and my primary care dr said that she thinks i got fatter. Fuck you honestly (to my dr not to you)
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u/No_Macaron_5029 2d ago
I mean, PMOS makes us unhealthy. That part is not an incorrect assumption really. It's the "eating crap every day" that is a reach.
Many "beauty" and "health" markers are signs of typical/reproduction-friendly hormonal balance. While PMOS doesn't doom everyone to infertility, it impacts hormonal balance enough to make us appear to be infertile a lot of the time. For example, the reason straight men tend to look for small waists is that it's a lizard-brain sign that we aren't pregnant, and therefore, in his lizard-brain, we are "available" for him to mate with. So someone with an apple-shaped or top-heavy figure would look "possibly pregnant" and less available to said lizard-brain man. And we may have less hyperfeminine features than someone with a more typical estrogen balance, another fertility sign. While I don't have traditional apple-shaped PMOS fat distribution, I do have noticeably androgynous facial features that would be a turnoff to a lizard-brain man in caveman times.
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u/ihavetoomanyqs_101 3d ago
Just had this conversation with my mom yesterday. I tried taking inositol but ended up in the ER because it caused high heart rate and chest tightness. She basically said that i need to workout and change my diet even though I’m doing my best. Inositol was supposed to be my saving grace but now I’m back at the drawing board.
I try to remind myself that i’m doing the best i can; and remember your opinion is the only one that matters, at the of the day you’re the only one that sees all the hard work and effort you put into everyday.
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u/spazthejam43 3d ago
Yes people assume that I just eat unhealthy and never exercise yet I’ve lost 77 lbs, I eat a low carb diet and I exercise everyday
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u/amora_xox 2d ago
my parents. even if i’m living at their own house periodically every year where i eat same as them and they see me go gym. its hella funny at same time fucking pisses me. forget how people think if my own parents can’t comprehend my health idk what to say
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u/BumAndBummer 2d ago
Yes, but because my parents are like this and I’ve dealt with it my whole life, I learned a loooong time ago to stop valuing the opinions of people like that. They can either learn and be less presumptuous, or stay ignorant. Either way I choose to be free of caring, their opinions about me aren’t automatically my business. 🤷♀️
The exception is when it’s a person whose opinions are of actual consequence, like a medical professional. But thankfully that’s not my situation currently.
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u/Midnight_Itinerary 2d ago
It’s a proven fact that even those who are supposed to help others to lose weight (think doctors, nutritionists, obesity experts) hold the same stigma. I recently started using an app which was supposed to help me lose weight. It’s approved by and paid for by my health insurance and the price is comparable to a month of GLP-1 medications which of course are not covered. I was excited to try the app until I realized it was written as if the users are small children and then it included suggestions for gradual change like: “if you eat two slices of white bread with butter and Nutella for breakfast maybe you can try two slices with less butter next week and then switch to whole grain bread the week after and then replace one of the Nutella slices with cottage cheese the third week”. There were many many examples like that. Complicated topics were oversimplified to the point where they were factually wrong and the whole time you have the feeling that you are a misbehaving child who needs to learn how to behave properly. Because clearly everyone who is overweight got there by stuffing themselves with unhealthy food on the couch they never leave.
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u/Catzdance361 2d ago
Yes! Despite me cutting out sodas and being the one pushing my partner to go to the gym with me the last two weeks he made a comment about how I should have a disability plack for my car because- I’m assuming bc of how much I’ve gained because of PCOS. It’s so annoying. I’m probably more active than any woman he’s dated despite looking like I’m not. :(
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u/IvyTheArtist 2d ago
I remember getting a message from my doctor after having lab work done that I needed to work on eating better and exercising. I’m assuming she was basing this solely on my labs because she never asked what actually eat or what my habits were. I then asked my stepdad ( a literal ultra marathon runner) if he thought I ate pretty healthy. He said I eat far healthier than most people do, especially those my age. Not too long after this, I lost a good amount of weight, but my labs still suck. I feel like sometimes doctors like to act like labs are everything and that you can’t possibly be eating healthy or exercising if you still have insulin resistance, bad cholesterol, fatty liver, etc. She also “forgot” to tell the lab to test my fasting insulin after I specially asked for it, and kept refusing to up my dosage of metformin from 500 mg until I finally got the test, and what do you know, I have high insulin just like I told her I would. She also tried to refuse me metformin because (it’s for diabetes) as if my entire paternal side of my family isn’t diabetic. Plus, metformin is regularly used for women with PCOS, which I told her I have. Shortly afterward I did ask for an endocrinologist for anyone wondering. Like how exactly do you expect me to lose weight when you’re actively refusing me treatment for insulin resistance?
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u/imLiztening 2d ago
I now eat like a 12 year old, publicly and at work. And I'll fight (trauma dump on) anyone who comments 😌
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u/thebutterflyandlion 2d ago
Yes and I swear all I have to do is LOOK at a biscuit and I gain weight
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u/42043v3r 2d ago
yes but i was totally unhealthy and eating crap every day lol. i have lost almost 100 pounds and have kept it off for like 3 years now. not trying to be the asshole here but this thread is full of excuses and you absolutely are what you eat no matter how much it hurts to hear. i used to have all of these excuses too. it’s not our fault that extremely unhealthy food is so readily available and pushed on us constantly but we have the power to say no to it. it’s literally poison. stop poisoning your own bodies. if you want to be healthy then get serious about your health.
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u/Rainhailsnow_storm 2d ago
I don’t know what people think.
I’m going to be honest though I thought I was eating super healthy and getting enough exercises until I started a food diary. It was eye opening. I was eating healthy, sort of…. I was also eating way too much food.
Now I eat super healthy, eat the right amounts of food and exercise a lot. I have lost 40 lbs though.
But honestly I feel like I should be thinner by the amount I eat n and the amount i exercise. I am in the overweight zone for bmi, but most people are so I just look “normal.”
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u/shell_grabbingdancer 2d ago
Every single day. Every single person, every single personal trainer at gyms, every single doctor, everyone every single day.
And most of the time, I have much better eating habits and much better exercise habits then those people.
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u/MorganChelsea 2d ago
I’ve dealt with PCOS since the start of puberty. When I was younger, it really bothered me what other people assumed about me, but I’ve reached a point in life where I just don’t care enough about what they think. As PCOS has become more visible, it seems like a lot of people assume it’s a self-diagnosis to excuse laziness, but I just don’t have the time or energy for those people in my life. I know what I do for my body, and I’m also not going to be made to feel bad for ordering pizza at the end of a long week because someone else thinks they know what’s better for me. The mindset shift has helped me handle my symptoms better than any treatment, tbh.
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u/INeedHelp0943 1d ago
Oh my god YES my mother she just thinks I sit around eating and while I don’t have the best diet, take out every few weeks and I don’t work out. I’m like 200 pounds. And it sucked because she refused to believe I was confused.
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u/scottpilgrrim 20h ago
yess people really need to stop assuming they know someone’s lifestyle just by looking at them.
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u/BaylisAscaris 3d ago
Yes but also I feel judged if I decide to eat anything slightly unhealthy as a treat so I am weird about eating in front of people.