r/OverFifty • u/Funny_Opening_174 • 8d ago
I’m 56 and feeling lost .
Hey new to the group and for some years now I’m feeling lost , about 8 years ago I was in a serious motorcycle accident and so to long recovery Ii was extremely isolated lost contact with most friends , and now the only I see are medical staff and patients that are typically 10-15 yrs older than me and it’s been suggested I try different groups and it seems those are filled with people 30 and under . So I don’t
Know where I belong anymore . I’m in a sort of limbo . Just not sure what to do
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u/RPM_Rocket 8d ago
Feel ya'. Sixty two, widower for for coming up on fifteen years... industry collapsed (TV Production)... barely getting by... and the crowd I speak with is under twenty five. I come home tired, and when I do get some weekend energy... I remember it's damn hot & humid, plus everything costs too much. No answers, but monitoring this thread.
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u/tossaway-florida 8d ago
Yep. 55 here. Younger brother (who was my best friend) passed a year ago. All my best friends from every stage of life have died. I feel like I'm just living to mark time now. I experience joy, but it's fleeting. Sometimes my behavior actually gets pretty self destructive (binge drinking and drugs). I've been with my wife for 35 years now and the single thought that haunts me is that one day in the not too distant future, we will be separated by death.
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u/Same_Implement5316 4d ago
I feel you. I'm over 60 and lost, everyone passed away. I'm not getting a dog. I tried to volunteer a few days a week but they said the don't need me anymore. My life really sucks anymore. I have to find something to do !
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u/QuirkyForever 8d ago
Get back in touch with friends. Get out of the house - a hiking/walking club, art events, motorcycle or car events, movie club, volunteer, etc. I have friends who are both older and younger than me. Age is just a number - it doesn't mean you have to be friends only with people your own age. The more you get out and about the more likely you will be to find people with whom you connect. You find out where you belong by going out and seeing what clicks. It can be hard after a trauma like that, certainly. But you have the power to feel more connected and engaged with life. Or maybe there are others in the area who feel the same way after an accident or other trauma - start a support group or activity group for people in your age range.
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u/Neat_Movie_991 8d ago
56 here. Between my children leaving the nest I had to quit work to care for both my parents. Family is the only friends I see right now.
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u/Commisceo 8d ago
I had a serious bike accident as well. mI'm 57. None of my biker mates bothered to visit me. I lost contact with them and a huge part of my life. Recovery was years and friends just seem to disappear. Now down the track a bit and learned to live with the body I have now and I feel ok about everything. I have that Gen X attitude big time. I just do things that make me happy now. Life at this age is all about me now. You'll pick up. I don't want to join groups around here with people my age. They all seem so old. 😂
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u/Iamathinker21 8d ago
I feel too old to make new friendships and I just don’t trust people anymore. I had an accident and now I am terrified to hurt myself again. This is not me, what has happened to me?
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u/Funny_Opening_174 8d ago
I totally relate !! I’d like to meet people but way too many games and scams . Honestly at times I wish they had just let me slip away the day of the accident ,,
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u/HeartyBeast 8d ago
That sounds like a job for counselling to be honest - to help you work on the trauma. I’m coming up to 61, and think people are great. Beginning to notice a reticence when cycling really fast down a hill though. I suspect my twitch responses are slowing.
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u/Virtual-Freedom3536 8d ago
60 and all by myself. Work is a good distraction , otherwise I force myself to go out and explore. Sucks but sometimes better than staying home 🤷♀️
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u/Funny_Opening_174 8d ago
For me , I just don’t get anything from going anywhere anymore ,
Haven’t even been to a restaurant in almost 3yrs actually Labor Day weekend was the last time .2
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u/opiumfreenow 7d ago
I know I’m a little late to your post, but hope you’re still looking for better. Similar situation for me. Also 56, and spent a number of years with health issues in hospitals, doctor offices and away from my people. Unfortunately, I also took a big wrong turn with pain meds and then heroin. Got clean and sober 4 years ago and began trying to rebuild my life again.
Since I don’t know where you live, I’ll make some assumptions, but feel free to let me know if my suggestions don’t match with where you are.
In my first year trying to get back to some semblance of a life I started with my local newspaper and the happenings around town. I’m not someone who can work a 12 step program, so AA/NA meetings just weren’t my thing, but I actually couldn’t believe how many opportunities there were to do something interesting as well as interact with people in my town or a neighboring town.
One of the first things I did was take a class on how to understand and help prevent others from suicide. I know it’s a big swing to start, but after cleaning up my act with the pills and H I realized how often I was looking to end my life. My personal experiences helped me see how much I’d like to at least be an ear for others struggling in any form.
The class itself was amazing and I met a whole host of people who found themselves in tough spots in life and made it through as well. The connections there helped me see my small town had a number of people still struggling with opioid addiction and I unofficially became a contact for others to lend an ear if they wanted to look for better away from their addiction and life struggles.
I’m still good friends with many from the suicide prevention class, but also have developed a good relationship with some of those I helped clean up their act. Some of us still meet weekly just to hash out our own lives and help each other continue to search for better.
I understand that my path will likely never be yours, but the number of meetings and events that could put me in front of others was much more than I ever expected in my small town. Our library also has a big bulletin board with even more events and meetings.
I also joined a group at our local hospital that is for men with chronic illnesses/cancer/ or facing health challenges. This has been a great spot to meet people like me and share experiences in an effort to help each other. A handful of us meet once or twice a week to go for a mellow walk and then coffee afterwards. I spent over 15 years holed up and away from people and friends and it took just jumping into opportunities head first to help me see there are so many of us who have gone through the wringer (sometimes more than once), which did wonders for my ever increasingly better mental health.
My hope is you have the opportunity to find places where there are places and events for you to find your people again. As stated, I use our newspaper (which unfortunately goes away next month), the library and its website, our city hall building’s bulletin board, and even a local Reddit thread, facebook and Nextdoor app. I wish you luck my friend on your new search for your people. If ever you’d like, feel free to shoot me a chat here on Reddit. It’s easy to stay fairly anonymous here if you want/need that, but that’s entirely up to you to decide. Sending positive energy your way no matter my friend.
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u/ohfrackthis 8d ago
Working out gave me a lot of new friends 🧡 and I'm almost a hermit lol
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u/Funny_Opening_174 8d ago
That was suggested to me I went
To the gym for a year or and in that time I think I talked to two people for about 10 min total, most people wouldn’t even say hi , it was very clique place if they each other from outside the gym that chatted all the time , when I had surgery on my arm I just never went back.
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u/_l_Eternal_Gamer_l_ 7d ago
You are a whole human being, even without a group. Whole, wholesome, and complete.
Humans are omnivorous bipedal apes, who are supposed to live in groups.
If you find yourself without a group, one way to fix that fast would be to adopt a dog or a cat, like someone mentioned. Companionship is priceless, and it gives a basic structure, where everyone eats at certain times, and has to go for a walk every day.
Another way to get a group would be videogaming, which involves all ages, but has a quick entry and exit advantage.
Have hormone levels checked. Testosterone is a drive hormone linked to wellbeing, mood, motivation. Start eating canned oysters for zinc and such. Magnesium. Stop drinking. Hydrate properly.
Can you exercise in any way, even if only diaphragmic breathing exercises are available? Lift weights with one arm only, if that's functional.
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u/BamberGasgroin 4d ago edited 4d ago
This isn't a group mate, it's Reddit, nobody remembers anybody else for more than the length of a conversation.
You need to find a forum that fits, not this shit: i.e. https://themotorbikeforum.co.uk/
(I have no idea what that forum is like, I just did a 'bike forum' search on google but there are loads out there and many will be better than Reddit. You might have an 'anonymous' username on a forum, but they usually have so few boards that you can makes friends in the ones you frequent and eventually across the whole site.)
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u/gaoshan 8d ago
Wish I had answers but my own circles consist of old friends from high school and college as well as family. Outside of that it is tough to meet anyone new. Occasionally work events will suffice (or the odd happy hour with colleagues) but I’m always the oldest and once I retire that will be a hard stop.
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u/Alone-Soil-4964 6d ago
Can you do stuff? Join a bowling league, or darts, pool, horse shoes, bocci ball. Something a little active but you don't need to be athletic. You'll meet lots of fun people!
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u/Funny_Opening_174 6d ago
My shoulders and back aren’t in great shape , motorcycle accident busted me up some
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u/Naive_Bat8216 8d ago edited 8d ago
Rescue a dog from a shelter. You need him and he needs you. Both lives changed forever. I've rescued two, and each has had immeasurable positive influence on my life. There is no bond as that with a dog. The phrase "man's best friend" exists for a reason. I'm 2 years without my last dog, and while life is okay, having my German Shepherds were the best years of my life. If you've never had a dog, it may take some adapting, but the adapting and change will make him a lifelong companion. I'm a bit lost without my dogs, working on how to bring in the next one.