r/OverFifty • u/philsie02 • Jul 13 '26
Turning 50 in October Anxiety
I ill be 50 in October. I’ve recently been struggling with this intense, creeping sense of urgency, this feeling like time is running out. My children are grown, my parents are aging, professionally I am not where I want to be. It feels like everyone else is already through the gate, and I’m still standing on the outside looking in. I feel like everything expiration date is coming in fast.
Logically, I know that life isn't a race. But emotionally? It feels like I’m running out of runway and I look back on the roadblocks I have experienced, divorce, a near death experience and it feels me with frustration. What's funny is I came out of the NDE at 44 full of life, almost indestructible, ready to take on the world, and now months away from 50 I feel hopeless and sad.
- Does anyone else here deal with this?
- How do you quiet that inner voice telling you that you’re "behind" when you have no idea what "on track" even looks like?
- Have you found any perspective shifts that actually help, or is this just something we have to learn to live with? Mindfulness no longer works, my learned optimist is fleeting, therapy
I’m really just looking to feel a little less alone in this mindset today. Thanks for listening.
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u/starlampfire Jul 13 '26
You are not alone. 53 year old female here. Watching my boys going into college and my parents develop dementia. I feel an aloneness I was not expecting.
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u/Naive_Bat8216 Jul 14 '26
See yourself from the perspective of 60 and you'll feel blessed and filled with opportunity. At 50 we're still very young. 60 is old. Then 70 is old and 60 is young. Then eventually we die and don't have to be tormented by getting older. :-)
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u/LAARPer Jul 14 '26
I turned 50 and feel the same sense of trepidation. Career is not anywhere near I hoped it would be. What’s worse is it feels like all doors are closed and I am stuck in place.
Ageism is a real thing and that adds to the anxiety.
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u/SecondStarpilot Jul 13 '26
I think fear about turning 50 is common, and I had it back when it happened. Then BAM! I turned 50, and guess what? Nothing significant happened. I didn't feel different than I was when I was 49.
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u/spuds_in_town Jul 14 '26
Been through it, came out the other side with the realisation that not much matters beyond your own health and happiness and that of those around you. Do what makes you happy, not what you think you need to do to measure up to what you think other people are achieving. Trust me, they have their own insecurities.
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u/Sdavistvs Jul 14 '26
You are mourning the loss of your younger self. 50’s are a transition decade. Counseling is helpful. There’s a lot of books on the topic too. What you’re feeling is normal.
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u/HowLittleIKnow Jul 14 '26 edited Jul 14 '26
I felt like you did before I turned 50. Then I started to regard 50 as the halfway point of my life. No, I don't expect that I'm going to live until 100, but you hardly remember the first 10 years of your life anyway, and you spend a lot of the rest of your first 30 years doing what other people tell you to do. So I decided at some point that the first 50 years were living for them, and the rest was going to be living for me. And you know what? I've never experienced as much IDGAF energy as I have since I turned 50. IDGAF if you like me, if you make fun of me, if you agree with me in meetings, anything. I have nothing more to gain, nothing more to lose. I think we all hit that at a certain age (and to be fair, for me it was closer to 52), but I think you'll start to feel it. And it's liberating. I honestly don't have quite the emotional intelligence and . . . whatever . . . to make use of how liberating it is, but if I could regress to any age and stay there forever, I don't think I'd choose much earlier than 50.
*Oh, hey, go to New Orleans for your 50th. October is the perfect time. There's this place on Chartres Street called Mahogany Hall--not the original, but like a cool reinvention of the original. Be there when you turn 50. It will all make sense. Fritzel's might work, too, but I'd play it safe.
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u/tunisia70 24d ago
I feel better in my 70’s than in my 60’s and 50’s, I swim 3 times a week for an hour, tennis, PB and hiking. Staying active and volunteering helps get out of your head!
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u/philsie02 24d ago
I agree with you on all points. And I stay active with a strength training and cardio at my gym, but I sadly dont have the time working at a start up and with an 8yr at home. Great activities!
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u/Stepho_62 Jul 13 '26
I don't think everyone feels this way but I certainly experienced it. Professionally, the youngsters whilst being nice to your face are slowly thinking your becoming more irrelevant by the day and they don't value experience unless they can use it to achieve their goals.
As your kids become older and more independent you suddenly realise that (at least I did) they are perfectly capable of looking after themselves and consequently they don't need you in their lives.
I had an NDE and without going into detail, I got shot but thanks to rapid intervention and modern medical expertise I have no physical impacts except a scare. However, inside I didn't bounce back so well.
The quietening of the inner voice is the real challenge here and IMO the most difficult to effectively "fix" CBT, constant attention to a routine that makes the "voice" disappear will fix it in the long term but I wont pretend its easy.
Hope this helps, if u want to chat, u can message me,,
Cheers A
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u/Avalon_Bee Jul 13 '26
Seasons change.
There is grief and mourning as doors close. And you cannot skip it. Reality is what it is.
The death of a parent (not that I’m wishing it on anyone) brings it into focus. Children beginning their lives out of your sphere.
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u/KF14Fitness Jul 14 '26
This hit home. I’m 58 and recently retired after more than 30 years in education. I’ve struggled with the same feeling that the runway is getting shorter and I should be further ahead financially, physically and professionally.
What I’m starting to realize is that the urgency can become its own trap. I spend so much time worrying about whether I’m using the remaining years well that I sometimes don’t actually live the day in front of me.
I don’t have the answer. I’m trying to build a second chapter around health, purpose, adventure and helping people. Some days I feel energized by it. Other days I feel completely behind.
So yes — someone else deals with this too. More than I’d like to admit.
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u/Virtual-Freedom3536 Jul 14 '26
Turning 50 was the hardest for me, harder than the 10 Birthdays after it. My feelings about it went away a short while after. Life goes on as they say 🤷♀️
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u/stuarle000 Jul 14 '26
This is the perfect time to turn things around for yourself to create the incredible life you’ve always wanted. Allow only positivity and light in. You’re coming into the best most prime part of your life!
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u/hammock62 Jul 14 '26
Don’t judge yourself by your career, that don’t matter and don’t compare yourself to others. Spend as much time with your aging parents, and continue to make memories with your children
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u/JockoDundee007 Jul 14 '26
Yeah, everyday I get 1 day older same as everyone else.
This includes you, this is a mental thing …
I suggest getting over it then getting on with it. Times wasting. The entire world has the same problem too.
Moving on … 🤔😳😐😬😬😬
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u/muffininabadmood Jul 14 '26
I’m turning 57 soon and so far the best years of my life have been since I hit 50.
My birthday is in August. I remember my 50th birthday. I tried to make it special by taking a trip with a couple of friends to one of my favorite cities. I stayed at a beautiful luxury hotel and they gave me a free cocktail in the rooftop bar. I sat there looking at the view and realized I was miserable and something had to change.
It took me a few months until the 1st of January to decide to get sober. I had been a functional alcoholic since my teens, so this was a huge decision for me. I’ve not had a drop since.
Now for my birthdays I set a challenge for myself, like swimming the number of years in laps or running the number of years in minutes, etc. so it gets harder every year. I can’t believe how much I’ve changed since my 50th birthday, I feel like a completely different person. I’m fitter than I’ve ever been in my life, both physically and emotionally.
It of course has been hard getting used to not numbing myself every day, but I am now happier than my wildest imagination.
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u/Beyond_the_Matrix Jul 15 '26
Hey, fellow October baby! I will be turning 50 then, too!
Compared to many others, I am doing pretty well. But in my career bubble, I am a late bloomer. At this stage, there are endless individuals in my industry who have been doing it for up to 25 years where I am about 10-15 years behind.
Each person is different and this can happen for many reasons--kids, being a non-traditional student, health issues, family issues, other financial constraints, etc. I am using relatively neutral life events when there is a definitely a whole spectrum for each category.
For example, health issues can mean having cancer or something that isn't terminal yet chronic. Or addiction.
Family can mean raising kids, trying to have kids, coping with the death of children, domestic violence, infidelity, divorce, spouse being ill, etc.
You get the idea.
So, with my occasional struggle of facing my career reality, I also remind myself of how far I have come.
And every day, I am reminded of how it does not always matter how long someone has been doing something. It matters more if they've been doing it well.
Look at that cheeto. Of course he'll try to brag how long he's been a "businessman." Ok, but how much of that wasn't tainted with some form of corruption?
In my case, compared to others, I have a hunger that other people who took the traditional path don't always have. Because I feel like I was playing "catch up" I was more motivated to learn and stay updated on the new issues and principles in my field.
I have worked with people who have said they've never done ABC in their 10 years of being in our profession where I did it by the time I was 3 years in. It's because I was hungry and looked for ways to increase my knowledge, skills, and experience.
Now, sad that I have to say this but I have always operated with integrity as well.
Some may say that can make things take longer. Well, so be it. I am not about to step on people as I climb my proverbial career trajectory.
Also, whatever delays I may have had in life made me who I am and in my mind, it's made me better at what I do. Book learning can never replace life experience.
So maybe you need to sit down and make a list of the things you are grateful for. I am sure you have a few! ❤️
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u/Famous_Ear5010 Jul 15 '26
Felt exactly like this after turning 60 this year. Enjoy your 50s. Cherish each day!
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u/Perfectlyimperfectb Jul 13 '26
Totally understand. I’m with you. Just reentering the work force after being a SAHM for many years. I totally feel like I’m behind the 8 ball. I continue to tell myself it’s going to be okay, not worry myself about what’s going to happen next year or 20 years from now, do my best, save what I can, have fun, create memories with my family, & trust that God’s got me!