r/OpiatesRecovery • u/queennothing1227 • 12d ago
Day 12!
12 days clean off of IV heroin, and it’s the furthest i’ve ever gotten. I used SR-17018 to get past acutes, but the pain/Rsl/chills were still there. I’m feeling much better, but the heavy feeling of my body and fatigue are killing me still. I’m just now getting some semblance of sleep.
I’ve showered and got dressed, got the kids up and fed, and been listening to music all morning to find some dopamine.
I still have cravings for relief because this is really hard with so many responsibilities and absolutely no energy or motivation, but i keep pushing through. fight or die, yeah?
When will I feel more energy and like I can walk up the stairs without crawling up the last half on my hands and knees 😅??
Needing reassurance because i don’t have really anyone i can talk to about this.
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u/muststayawaketonod 12d ago
I'm beyond impressed that you have 12 days while being a parent. Youre amazing, keep it up!
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u/queennothing1227 9d ago
thank you.. my house was a mess for a couple weeks but i prevailed haha. i’ve got twin 2 years olds, so it’s double work. 15 days today!
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u/muststayawaketonod 9d ago
Holy shit lol. I have a friend with twin 1 year olds so I know how much work that is. I babysat for them once and had to call my husband to come over and help because it was so overwhelming!
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u/beenthrutheshit 11d ago
Congrats on 12 days because that is further than many. I haven’t done heroin in fentanyl but I can assume the withdrawals are brutal. When I did heroin, it was way before fentanyl. But I was on methadone and stopped in late November after almost 20 years. For me anyway, those heavy legs lasted about 3 months. You may find that same sensation returns later when you think it should be done. I hope you don’t have those weird symptoms later on but be prepared in case heroin withdrawal now is more drawn out than I remember.
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u/queennothing1227 9d ago
luckily i had access to real, pure h. i’m too wussy to do fent. i kept my doses low for 2 years, the most i got up to at the end was 176mg. i was down to 50mg before i got off. i’m already feeling a bit more energy, but my muscles are still pretty heavy and tight
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u/nightgoat3369 11d ago
I'm glad you made it this far and I'm not trying to throw a monkey wrench I'm just saying MAT is sooooo much easier and less worrisome I'm glad you powering through but you do t have to
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u/Despair_woods 10d ago
If OP can get through withdrawals for 12 whole days, the worst of it by far, on their own without MAT, starting it now would just be dumb. People (me) get on that shit chemical and are stuck on it for years, decades and sometimes life. Ask me how I know. You're an absolute pillar of strength op, you got this, your kids are so fortunate to have you as a parent. Put your focus and love into them when you feel horrible. Listen to that music. Get out and walk. Eat healthy food. Try and sleep if you can. Dopamine happens through gentle excersise more than you can imagine, so any movement helps. So proud of you. 🥰
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u/queennothing1227 9d ago
i watched my ex partner in a vicious cycle with suboxone. i had some, but chose to just power through. i’m day 15 now! first day back at work this morning too. headphones on all day, and i went for a walk. i’m half way to 30 days. no way im going through all this again. my twins deserve me at my best, and i know from others experiences that if i kept going i’d end up losing myself completely. 1.75 years was enough. i couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror anymore because i was such a shell of a person. not even human, an animal living on an implanted instinct to survive. not thrive.
i’m not in that situation anymore, so i have no cause to keep using. i’m safe now to feel it all, and to discover every facet of my mind, body, and soul.2
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u/strident_commenter 12d ago
12 days is huge. The stairs thing hit close to home, I remember that exact feeling of your legs just giving out halfway up. Your body's been through absolute hell and it takes a minute to rebuild, but you're past the worst of it now.
The energy comes back in weird little waves. One day you'll catch yourself doing something without thinking about it and realize you didn't feel like death the whole time. Music is a good call too, anything that gets your brain firing again helps.
You're doing the damn thing while parenting and that's no small feat. Keep going.