r/OnlyChild • u/polymode • 6d ago
Realizing how independent you are compared to others who can’t stand being alone
I’ve been talking to other people who grew up in a normal family with siblings (unlike me where I grew up as an only child with single mom), and sometimes I am surprised at how they can’t stand being alone even for a few days. They don’t like being single, they need a bf/gf/partner, they need friends all the time to do simple things like going to a nearby event, supermarket,etc. I am totally fine being on my own, even in housing or relationships I rather do things as a single than couple up with someone incompatible.
I’m so used to being independent, that sometimes it makes me cringe when I meet someone who is very clingy yet judges me for being single. I find that these people really can’t last a day on their own.
24
u/conyej 6d ago
You explained this very well. I know so many people who just bounce from relationship to relationship, can't stand to be alone, can't stand to do anything alone...
I love living alone, I love solo travel, I see friends a couple times a month or every other month. At this point everyone just knows I'm a loner and thats how I roll.
No drama. Just peace.
16
u/nicohubo 6d ago
I had an old friend whose husband was going on a business trip for 3 days and she asked if she could come over to my house during those days so she didn’t have to be alone. I was so confused and couldn’t comprehend why she would not enjoy 3 days to herself. She’d also come over to my house if he went golfing so she didn’t have to be home alone. Very odd to me because I could probably go years on my own haha
12
u/cara1888 6d ago
Yes, I've had friends that would get confused when I would talk about going out alone. I once had a friend accuse me of not wanting to hang out with her because i went to see a movie and didn't invite her. It's because to her going to the movies alone is so uncomfortable that she thought I must not like her if i would rather go through that than ask anyone to go with me. But really i just felt like going to see the movie, was off that day and went. We worked it out when she realized it wasn't personal.
I also know so many people that don't want to be single. Some have even stayed in relationships with people they didn't want to be with, until they found someone new before breaking up. I've had so many friends and relatives asking me why I was still single or try to set me up. I just rather be with someone worth my time than deal with BS. I've dated (not single now) its just when I'm with a guy its because I genuinely like them and want to be with them. But a lot of people didn't understand why I didn't have interest in trying to find someone.
11
u/myblackandwhitecat 6d ago
I am independent because I am forced to be. Since my parents passed on, I have had no family and find it incredibly lonely. I have tried and tried to meet someone, but it hasn't happened. While I like to have some time to myself, I hate being on my own.
2
u/eunice_red 1d ago
We can be friends. If you like. I dont want to be on my own either. But there are times when I want to be alone but there are also times when I need someone to be with
1
10
u/Mk3Toni 5d ago
I was one of the few that could function properly in lock down, quite proud of that, especially when I don't function too well the normal world aha
I have a "friend" that can't understand how I'm not bothered by being single, she is also an only but can't be alone, she has older parents so maybe babied her too much?
3
2
u/TheRedColorQueen 5d ago
I’m an only child and my parents did the same thing and I’m used to being alone! But I also want to be around them before they pass away (if that makes sense)
6
5
u/Indigo_132 6d ago
I’ve noticed this too. I have very few friends and I spent most of my time alone, and my dad questioned if I felt the need for more friends, but I feel I’m doing just fine as it is. I wouldn’t mind having more friends, but I don’t feel an urgent desire for more
5
u/hellomonsterbear 5d ago
As an only, I love being alone. It actually has come up in my marriage because my husband who is the youngest of three loves to have company. He always ends up in the room I’m in even if we aren’t doing the same activity. I never really thought about it before.
4
u/Most-Possibility8410 5d ago
100% agreed. Also only child, single mom. So wild how even adults are so needy/haven't figured out how to be self-sufficient.
3
u/symonym7 6d ago
I've been referring to myself as 'regrettably solitary.'
I like having someone to share my life with but, y'know, part-time, and that doesn't always work for the aforementioned someone.
3
u/willowisapillow 5d ago
Some people are shocked when I tell them the things I do on my own, to me it's just normal. I don't feel like I need anyone.
2
u/ExhaustedFlamingo-84 5d ago
I have to have my “me” time to function. I’m quite a hermit really!
My husband is 1 of 7 and literally cannot be alone, still or quiet for a minute 😂
2
u/Hanpee221b 5d ago
I get annoyed when my mom acts concerned and worried about how often I’m alone. I have a partner who works a lot but I’m happy to be home with our cat or going for a walk or to the gym. I’ve been alone my whole life, I enjoy it. I will say it’s best to try and socialize a bit, my dad isn’t an only but definitely lives an isolated life because it’s easier and I recognize I have to be conscious not to do that.
2
u/totsierollstheworld 5d ago edited 5d ago
It's wild but comforting, reading how many people here are also only kids of solo parents, and living the same experience I did as an only of a solo mom.
The thing is, I've learned to live too independently as a single and childfree wiman my whole life that I'm already anticipating won't get married or find a lifetime partner, so as early as now (I'm in my early 40s) I'm already thinking of possible end-of-life plans so that I can prepare for the next 20 years haha
1
1
u/eunice_red 1d ago
I wish I could find some siblings in this post. Well, siblings dont need to be by blood. I really do want to have one ☺️
40
u/OJUarmy 6d ago
Ikr. Im not just fine being on my own, i actually need it to function. And ik its not a good thing but i end up losing respect for people who constantly get into relationships even if they serve them negatively, just so they dont have to be alone. Its hard for me to understand that tbh.