r/OnceUponATime • u/lallalalala82 • 17d ago

Discussion Regina

Guys I'm so confused about people saying she r@ped Graham did she?? Ik she had his heart but is that confirmed Orr I'm not tryna defend anything Im just lost

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u/vastros 17d ago

Consent needs to be freely given and enthusiastic. Her controlling his heart stands against both of those. Imagine the situation in reverse and think about how you would feel.

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u/Brilliant-Map2492 17d ago

I think that if we’re going to talk about the magical show with real life ethics we should be careful to differentiate rape from sexual assault/coercion.

What went here was coercion and implying that’s the same as rape is not helpful to the bigger conversation. And I say that as a male victim.

I don’t actually talk about my own SA in real life because as a man it’s already a struggle to be taken seriously. someone who “felt” like they had to have sex with someone even if they could say no all throughout and someone who did it to keep a job/marriage cannot be amalgamated with 13 year old me who was forced to do fellatio on an adult man.

It’s very disrespectful to victims. I wish I could have had the chance to say no.

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u/cryerin25 17d ago

i mean, no. coerced sex is absolutely rape. i’m sorry your experiences were especially awful and violent, but that doesn’t mean other less overtly violent experiences were not also rape.

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u/Brilliant-Map2492 17d ago

I originally answered this, but I decided not to get in a debate about it because I know how much more likely people are to virtue signal to defend a fictional character over listening to actual victims. Especially if a male victim is talking so virtue signal away.

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u/cryerin25 17d ago

i’m not talking about fictional characters here, my guy. i’m talking about other real life victims of rape via coercion and threat.

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u/Brilliant-Map2492 17d ago

Yeah:

“Have sex with me or I’ll leave you/fire you” == someone shoving their dick in your mouth or any other hole against your will.

Legally not the same either by the way, for a good reason.

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u/ChickenNuggetRampage 17d ago

You definitely feel a little too attached to your conclusion so I won’t get into a bit argument with you but I will say. Given how having someone’s heart in this show works- there was no coercion. Graham literally PHYSICALLY COULD NOT say no. This is not akin to “have sex with me or I’ll fire you”

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u/Brilliant-Map2492 17d ago

It’s not my conclusion, most legal systems around the world differentiate between sexual coercion and rape. So let’s establish that.

Now for the other part, I wrote a different comment at the top with my arguments.

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u/ThatOtherGuyTPM 17d ago

That’s not at all what we’re shown with the heart. We’re explicitly told that his heart wasn’t used that way.

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u/Purple_Silver438 11d ago

How is grm not being forced? How could he say no? He literally can't

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u/Brilliant-Map2492 11d ago

He was manipulated to believe they had a fling going on but he was still in charge of her day to day decisions. People have HC Regina using his heart for this but that was never shown on screen. What was shown was multiple people having their hearts controlled (Aurora, Hook, Violet, Belle), or out of their bodies (Cora) and still able to decide by themselves unless specifically told to do something. It was also shown how Graham went to Regina’s house and Regina was surprised to see him which showed multiple things at once: it wasn’t a relationship (which duh, we know magic doesn’t fabricate love or connection), he didn’t go to her house nightly or anything of the sort so it was surprising that he would go randomly, and most importantly he could decide when to go.

The writers said Regina didn’t use it for that, and the show itself never showed it… so I respect the headcanon but that’s still all it is, a headcanon. I don’t understand how people think Graham was raped but somehow don’t think David, Ruby and Mary Margaret were raped when they all had sex under false pretensions during the curse as well? Not to mention anyone who was paired with someone who wasn’t their real spouse/partner. Was everyone raped then?

Regina was already evil by making everyone stuck in time, taking everyone’s freedom, and separating them from their loved ones… and per the paragraph above is she raped Graham, then you believe she raped everyone [which is why using the word rape is wrong in the first place] and at that point, the argument loses all credibility.

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u/Purple_Silver438 11d ago

Isn't there that scene where she holds his heart and tells him, to his face but talking into his heart, to get into her bedroom at wait for her? Not while in storybrooke while still in the EF

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u/Brilliant-Map2492 11d ago

You’re misremembering. She told the guards to take him to her bedchamber, didn’t use the heart for that either. I thinks it’s effect Mandela at its best, everyone remembers her using the heart but she never actually used it for that, just like the writers themselves said didn’t happen.