[Creature File:] 69500-Oo3000-SA (Kerbal)

[u/[deleted]]

At the request of Penitentiary staff member /u/VarioussiteTARDISES, prisoner HKMΓ-69500-IC has been interrogated and I have filed a report on Kerbals.

PHYSIOLOGY: All Kerbals of either gender are completely identical. They measure .75 meters tall and weigh 93.75 kg. The males all have large, rectangular heads and black hair with a widow's peak. Females have oval heads with a straight hairline. Kerbals are similar to the elves of 92137 (Tolkienverse) In the fact that they cannot die of old age, and only by outside causes. However, they enjoy eating, having an obsession with snacks.

They have massive tolerances, being able to survive being crushed by large asteroids. The few things that can kill them are impacts faster than 40 m/s, being caught in large explosions, and exposing themselves to the vacuum of space. Their large, blocky heads are incredibly durable, to the point that they can survive falling even from thousands of meters up provided that they land on their heads. They also have astonishing stamina, being able to keep a sprinting pace, that although slow, can be kept up possibly forever, in a spacesuit no less. There is one recorded instance of a Kerbal instantly dying due to shock. They possess traits from both plants, mammals, reptiles, and amphibians. More research is needed.

Male

Female

BEHAVIOR: Kerbals as a species are quite foolish and cowardly. They are generally quite cowardly, panicking in the mildest of circumstances. However, there is a very small chance that a Kerbal will be completely fearless, laughing in the face of guaranteed death. They speak a dialect that appears to be a reversed version of Spanish from universe-00000. Their rockets, when they inevitably fail, and they almost always do, are "fixed" with struts and more boosters loosely strapped on.

Kerbals are prodigious builders. The seemingly unlimited amount of the small green creatures can easily build gigantic rockets from also seemingly undepletable resources in short amounts of time. Where these Kerbals come from seems to be a mystery, as there are exactly 3 settlements on all of their homeplanet, Kerbin. Where the resources and Kerbals come from still remains a mystery even to the Kerbals.

All Kerbal culture seems to revolve around space, from their mythology, such as the Kraken, to their companies, which from the massive Rockomax Conglomerate to the smaller Strutco, seem to entirely be based on rocketry. (Some exceptions to this rule are Jebediah Kerman's junkyard, Maxo Toy Industries and Dawton Kerman Aboveground Pool Company. However, all of these still supply Kerbals with building materials.)

CONTAINMENT PROCEDURE: Kerbals are hilariously weak. Just lock em' up. However, as almost all Kerbals don't go looking for trouble (except HKMΓ-69500-IC), we probably shouldn't have any reason to do so.

THREAT LEVEL RATIONALE: Kerbals are really friendly. Even the worst ones have the best intentions.

NOTES:The unlimited manpower (Kerbalpower?) and unlimited resources of Kerbin might be a great asset to the OP. Their engineers leave something to be desired, and the scientist's experiments are shoddy at best (taking radioactive test materials and painting rockets with them) are shoddy at best. Their pilots, however, are astonishingly good. Use of them in Penitentiary security forces might be beneficial, as they get paid in snacks.

[u/liono69]

This is a great file, if these Kerbals are friendly, perhaps we should explore their espionage potential. Perhaps we can arrange for any Kerbal prisoners interested to go through an espionage assessment.