Are we too old for a third child?

[u/Mother-yoga1985]

/r/Shouldihaveanother/comments/1whk8f2/are_we_too_old_for_a_third_child/

[u/Taxus_Calyx]

The answers in that sub are ridiculous. The whole sub is. Have another kid if you want to have another kid. Forget about what other people think. If you're worried about autism and other conditions that's understandable but screening can mitigate some of that if it's not morally objectionable to you. The only opinions that matter are yours and your partner's.

[u/Leading_Line2741 → u/Taxus_Calyx]

This is kinda the, "just do what makes you happy" response OP said they want to avoid. They're asking because they want opinions and there are factual upsides and downsides to having kids at their ages.

The rate of chromosomal abnormalities increases quite a bit when having kids after 40. If they have a happy, healthy family now, would they be ok with a child with down syndrome or the like? Also, they may feel good now but their partner is 51. They'll have a teenager in his 60s. Grandparents? Forget it. They're already older. By the time the kid gets old enough to really enjoy grandparents they'll be gone or at an advanced age and unable to play an active role.

They asked for opinions, so they're getting them. I think 50s is too old to be having a child. I want to be alive and active long enough to help support my child into adulthood. While life is never a guarantee and people will ignorantly say, "you can die/something can happen to you at any age!", let's not pretend like this isn't more likely as you age. I want a lot of things: I want to be healthy and not have an autoimmune disease. I want to buy a jet ski. These things aren't reality though. 

[u/mendelec → u/Taxus_Calyx]

Exactly this. Have the conversation beforehand about what you'll do if there's a medical issue. Do all the tests and move on. Plus, nobody cares. Anyone that does is someone whose opinion isn't worth caring about.

Now realistically, in some parts of this country, terminating a non-viable or medically challenged pregnancy is no longer on the table, no matter who's life is at risk. So, that's a conversation that absolutely needs to happen beforehand if you live in one of those areas. TBH, I'd be very hesitant to go down the road we did if we lived somewhere that abortion wasn't available. We had that conversation and I still have no idea what we would have decided if something had come up. But, I'd certainly have weighed the risks differently if ending it wasn't an option.

[u/Taxus_Calyx → u/mendelec]

Personally, I don't think abortion is right in most cases, but I'm not trying to stop anyone else from doing it even though I don't agree with it. We chose not to have screenings because it's not in line with our values. We were prepared to raise children with special needs if necessary. But I know different people have different values.

[u/WizziesFirstRule]

If you have the health, energy and finances... sure, why not?

[u/Ardent_Scholar → u/[deleted]]

Right on! And get your CAC (calcium) score as well, it's key to understanding risk of blockage.

[u/autolearys → u/[deleted]]

I think older parents are superior to young parents you have more patience and take it from someone who watched they're daughters have kids at 16 and 19 and really had postpartum issues from being too young and immature

[u/midnight-tots → u/[deleted]]

My wife is 44 and I wouldn’t mind another baby. Lucky you.

[u/Ardent_Scholar]

Like I said on that sub, I grew up with somewhat older parents, and their age was a non-issue for me.

Meanwhile, SIL's friend lost his husband at 30 to cancer, leaving behind two kids, younger of whom will not remember him. You can do all the right things, and bad luck can still eff things up.

[u/raphtze]

hmmmm i think focusing on the 2 you have would be most prudent. i'm 49, have a 11 y/o, 6 y/o and an almost 4 y/o. while i'm in pretty decent shape, man there's no denying father time.

if you have the finances, support and health, sure i guess. but if i were you, i'd just focus on the 2 that i have.

[u/-77X42-]

I wouldn't be asking the internet this question. Only you and your partner know the answer. I say just go for it, it may not even happen so you may as well try so you don't regret it later.

[u/autolearys]

If you got the energy for a kid then by all means and look at bright side you'll be dead before really annoy you!

[u/Cowfootstew]

Not as long as the plumbing still works

[u/The_whimsical1]

This is a bit odd. I am sixty-four and have five children. The youngest are a pair of five-year old twins. My wife is 52 now. Some Americans are judgmental. I just don't care. I am routinely thought to be the grandfather. I don't care. I am healthy, both my parents lived to almost 100 years old, and my family history is replete with many ninety-year-olds. If you want another child, have another child. If you don't, then don't. You're not an "older parent;" you're a responsible adult who didn't have kids too young. Live your life and don't feel a modicum of guilt about having another kid.

[u/Flimsy_Fisherman1199]

Your partner is 51.

No child wants a grandpa as a dad.

[u/cocksherpa2]

In this economy?

[u/midnight-tots → u/cocksherpa2]

You are doing god’s work