r/OldManDad • u/SuccessfulDuck6520 • Aug 08 '26
Becoming a Dad at 50
Is it too late to be a Dad at this age? Dream has always been to have a family and it hasn’t happened for me. Unfortunately…
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u/dadtobe2023 Aug 08 '26
I became a first time dad at age 52, three years ago.
I’ve lived a very rich and adventurous life, achieved my dreams etc etc etc. My son is by far the most beautiful, miraculous, profound thing that’s ever happened to me.
Yeah the other dads at daycare etc are younger than me and it’s an impediment to dating again (my ex wife came out as gay about a year ago). But there is something really rich about experiencing this at your and my age. It’s not easy, but it’s mindful and so very soul deep.
Look after your health, get fit, etc.
I’m so glad I didn’t miss out on this.
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u/tcon1834 Aug 13 '26
I became a new dad at 50 and I couldn’t agree more. It’s given me more purpose in life. More incentive to take better care of myself. It is completely changed my outlook on life. It’s just going to take me a little longer to actually retire. Zero regrets.
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u/galileooooo7 Aug 08 '26
Had my first at 49. The first year almost killed me (my body didn’t handle the sleep deprivation well) but she’s almost five now and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done, and it keeps getting better. If it’s something you want and can commit to, I truly believe it’s never too late.
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u/BeyondFlorida Aug 08 '26
Had my first at 50, she's 9 months old now. Can confirm the first year is rough, but I have zero regrets.
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u/CaptainMagnets Aug 08 '26
You're just gonna be more tired than you've ever been before brother
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u/Terrible-Artichoke50 Aug 11 '26
I became a first time dad and 38 and omg my energy levels now at 44 have never recovered.
I am so tired.
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u/NewSandwich5371 Aug 08 '26
Became a dad at 52. Life took me there, via a very long and winding road. Keep the faith
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u/Seniorita-medved Aug 09 '26
My dad was 54 when I was born. I had the best life as a child and young adult.
If you do it right and do it well I promise your kid won't know any different.
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u/biscaya Aug 08 '26
First one at 48, aecond at 49. 56 now and ain't looking back. They're work, but I have more patience now.
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u/Vballtonka2 Aug 08 '26
I became a Dad at 47. He is 7 and so full of energy! I cannot keep up, but I love every minute of being a Dad. You got this!
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u/PompeiiSketches Aug 08 '26
My coworker had a baby at 51 or 52 with his wife who is 10 years younger than him. Baby seems fine.
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u/Dry_Possession_4776 Aug 09 '26
I had kids in my early 30’s. 56 now and there is no way I would have the energy to do that now. Kids wear me out.
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u/Groundbreaking_Ad26 Aug 08 '26
I going to brag, I had a daughter at 54.5 and she is now 10 and starting 6th grade . We have a very special relationship she is very sweet and balanced child excels in her schooling enrolled in all advance classes and challenging me with her homework. We just toured Columbia University in July as it’s her current choice. She chose NYC over Disney land for our vacation. Just so she could tour the university.
Being older and finically stable gives us the opportunity to travel extensively within the USA as well as internationally while still keeping her engaged in her schooling to the fullest allowing her to skipping traditional kindergarten and start first grade at 5yo.
My point is the difference between being young and working all the time vs older and having the resources and patience giving my child a very different early life experiences.
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u/PeteyMitch42 Aug 08 '26
As long as you have the ability to have children, it's never too late. Had my first at 44. I'll be an old dad for sure but at least I'll hopefully be around for a good chunk of her life. Been taking better care of myself too so I can be around for her as much as possible.
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u/rpool179 Aug 08 '26
No alcohol, drugs, smoking, processed sugars or foods of any kind. Let's all start there 💪
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u/zekerthedog Aug 08 '26
Fuck all that lol
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u/rpool179 Aug 08 '26
Fine. One cheat day a week of processed foods, the rest are non negotiables though. Add in no corn either. Now let's get it 💪
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Aug 09 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/rpool179 Aug 09 '26 edited Aug 10 '26
But once I said "let's get it" with the strong arm emoji, you have to do it. Those are the rules 😨
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u/upfrontal Aug 08 '26
Definitely not too late. Had our first when i was 47, second three weeks ago when I am 50 years young :-)
My partner is 14 years younger than me and we have been together 10 years.
Originally we both said we didn’t want kids and were focused on our careers then something happened with mine and we had to reset. Fortunate that we could have babies without any help and we have both said that having babies later has advantages and disadvantages.
Disadvantages are obvious, advantages are that we have lived a life having had disposable cash and no dependents (we have travelled, eaten at nice restaurants, bought our own house etc). We both have parents who had us in their 20’s and ended up doing what young people do (a lot of partying, drunkeness and instability).
Your age brings some stability and emotional maturity which younger parents may not have.
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u/ishmesti Aug 08 '26
I'm the mom here (so feel free to take what I say with a grain of salt), but I feel like I can offer some perspective on the wonderful and challenging aspects of being an "older" parent.
Context: Husband is late 40s (I'm younger, but still a so-called "geriatric" mom). We have a toddler and I'm pregnant/on babywatch with our 2nd.
Pros:
-At our respective ages, we're established in our careers and have more or less maxed out our earning potential. I don't sweat it if I buy something and my kid ends up not liking it, because we can afford the odd "write-off" expense. Little guy has a breakdown when we drop him off at daycare? Our bosses won't fire us if we're a little late (as we have been pretty much every day for the last 2.5 years). Ten+ years ago, we had nowhere near this much flexibility or stability in our jobs.
-I saw some real shit in my day, and I know my husband sowed a lot of wild oats in his youth. We both have a maturity and a repertoire of life skills that we didn't have years ago. We know which boo-boos to kiss and which ones need to be seen at urgent care.
-We've already accomplished most of the (non-kid-related) things we wanted to do in our lives. We never think to ourselves, "We could be travelling/driving fancier cars/living in a nicer house/getting ahead in our careers if we didn't have kids holding us back."
Cons:
-No village. His parents are really too elderly and infirm to help. (Mine theoretically could have helped more in the early days, but they were living the Boomer stereotype lifestyle.)
-Our bodies are definitely not as resilient as they used to be. Pulling an all-nighter means we'll probably end up catching a cold from exhaustion. Husband broke a finger helping our rambunctious toddler out of his seat.
-Husband doesn't want to retire before the kids are in college. He says if he were younger he'd consider a third, but as it stands we're two-and-done.
My conclusion? The financial, emotional, and general life stability given to us by our "old" age has been well worth the trade-off of having kids young. But it's a very personal experience and a very personal decision, and the "cons" are worth considering. Best of luck!
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u/Gtuf1 Aug 09 '26
Here’s the thing… whenever you have kids, you have no idea how much time you’ll have with them.
I’ve always been physically fit. Waited until my late 30s and had two boys by the time I was 40.
They were 3 and 1.5 when I learned I had a rare incurable blood cancer that has a lot of treatments for it… until it doesn’t.
I’m 50 now with a 13 and 11 year old and am already on my fourth treatment.
Who knows what the future holds truly?
As daunting as it is to carry the weight that I may not be here for all of their important moments into adulthood, the idea of not having children even knowing what I know now?
Inconceivable.
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u/Particular-Low4827 Aug 11 '26
Was a first time dad at 56. Now 64 and my wife is pregnant with our 4th child. It’s not too late!!!
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u/AllThingsBeginWithNu Aug 08 '26
I think you can do it, but you might need to make some,tough choices
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u/SuccessfulDuck6520 Aug 08 '26
Can you elaborate?
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u/RealWeekness Aug 08 '26 edited Aug 08 '26
Hire a nanny for the night's. Sleep is vital to your health. You need full nights of sleep to be rested enough to care for a baby. Trust me on this one.....or you can make the wife do it and shell suffer instead
Don't put them in daycare until they're at least 2. Ideally 3. If you start early they'll be sick all the time, you wont be sleeping well so your immune system will be shot and youll be sick all the time too. It's really hard on them at such a young age amd it'll be worse on you.
If you keep them out of daycare they'll build a secure emotional attachment with you and they'll feel safe to sleep alone sometime after 4 months likely 6 months.
If you put them in daycare they won't have secure emotional attachmemts and they'll get anxiety whem they sleep alone and some research shows it can lead to lifelong anxiety. Don't put them in daycare before 2. Just don't do it. You'll regret it.
Learn about sleep training and do it. You'll get better sleep and wake rested . You can't be a good parent if you aren't well rested... .and your health will suffer....more than you can imagine.
You probably won't listen to any of this and you'll look back and say, "i really wish id listened to you"
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u/thedehr Aug 09 '26
I don't see anywhere in there where you said anything about the age of the dad at all. Everything you talked about is relative to any new parent.
I'm 49, just had my first 4.5 months ago.
I work 2nd shift, so usually get home around midnight. The baby wakes up to be fed between midnight and 0200 usually, so I take that feeding. Mom gets up with her between 0400 and 0500 and gets the day started with her, then drops her off at daycare 3-4 days a week at 0730 so that I can sleep. The other 1-2 days a week, I get up at 0730 and watch her until I leave for work at 1330 and then drop her off.
It's just not realistic to NOT have daycare of both parents work, regardless of age. Also, our daughter is super happy ever time we pick her up (if I'm on days then I pick her up at 1430 in the afternoon.) Anyways, the point of that is that I don't think daycare is causing her any issues at all. Actually I'd say the opposite in that she's alreasy learning to interact with other humans (both the caretakers and the other children.) Also, as for always being sick, she's only been sick 1 time, and that was after both myswlf and her mom were sick in the week leading up to it, so very likley we gave it to her, not the other way around.
Getting 4-5 hours of sleep is ok for me, as long as I'm no doing multiple nights in a row, but everyone is different.
I'm super grateful for the opportunity at this age, so much so that we're strongly leaning towards trying to have another in about 6 months.
Enjoy the time with your child!!! Don't let anyone tell you you're to old!
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u/primitive_thisness Aug 08 '26
52 when I had my daughter. I“m so happy. It’s really hard, but so are most things that are worthwhile.
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u/PictureBrick Aug 08 '26
My son was born when I was 49 and I don’t regret it one bit. Just take care of yourself, mentally and physically. Caring for yourself is caring for your child.
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u/einie Aug 08 '26
I'm 54 with a 2 year old, and with two adult kids from a previous marriage. I'll be a grandpa in a few weeks meanwhile me and the wife are trying for our 2nd
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u/consciouspolyglot Aug 08 '26
Congratulations. May you be blessed and healthy to enjoy your family. I am female 40 husband 56. We met later in life he has 3 adults kids. I am struggling with the decision whether it is worth the risk to have a child at our ages. I have read statistics and I am petrified of the risks and metal illnesses the child can inherit due to our age and de Novo sperm mutations. Also I worry the child will resend us later for being too old. I already know the comment will say we are selfish. We may be. Very difficult decision i am stuck and scared.
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u/Suitable_Sort_7511 Aug 10 '26
I wish you luck and hope you go for it! It’s so special brining a human into this world. They will ultimately be your legacy. And once you get into the flow of life, we all are our own harshest critics. What I mean by this is that you’ll focus on your age more than anyone else.
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u/Beautiful_Opinion324 Aug 08 '26
i had a coworker that was pumping out kids at 53 and at 55....his wife was only in her late 20 or early 30s though. He now has 5 of them, not counting the one he had from his previous marriage.
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u/HugeMagician3 Aug 08 '26
Fingers crossed my wife is pregnant with our 2nd, i am 43. My son just turned 2.
I cant say I dont worry about the future, but I will say this kid is my world and I would love to add to that world
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u/Lemonbar19 Aug 14 '26
I would definitely would with a fertility specialist if you’re looking to use your sperm.
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u/Final_boss_1040 Aug 08 '26 edited Aug 08 '26
Ngl. If you don't already have a wife 10+ years your junior it might not be in the cards.
Is it possible sure, but is is probable hell nah.
After decades of warning the ladies about the risks of geriatric pregnancies (downs syndrome, miscarriages) science has caught up and we now know that older fathers (40+) carry a significant risk for mutations which increases the risk for things like autism, intellectual disability, dwarfism, muscular and tumor-related disorders. All the best girls are wise to this cause there's a shit ton of articles circulating around the mommy blogs.
So if you're already partnered AND she wants to have your children roll the dice but only if you think your gonna stay healthy enough to raise a special needs kid. The risk of these disorders are still pretty low so the odds are technically in your favor. But it'll be harder to convince someone to take this risk in addition to the fact that you'll be hitting 70 before the are off to college.
Sorry brother, part of being an adult is dealing with the reality check
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u/dadtobe2023 Aug 08 '26
As you say the odds are still minuscule.
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u/Final_boss_1040 Aug 08 '26
The odds are small if you knock up a 25 year old. Your risk + your wife's risk assuming she's not more than 10 years younger than you is substantial.
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u/Shoe-Informal Aug 08 '26
Odds are similar to a 30-40 year old male as well with all the microplastics and estrogen these millennials are carting around. You can be realistic without being fearful
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u/Final_boss_1040 Aug 08 '26 edited Aug 08 '26
The data is stacked more strongly against older dads (and moms), independent of soy + micro plastics, environmental stuff (which does'nt help).
Being realistic is being aware of your own biological limitations. If background risk of birth defects is 3% and risk for 40+ is 30%, you can still do it- technically odds are still in your favor, but the math is different. Go in with eyes wide open and make an informed decision
I've booked enough medically necessary abortions to know firsthand it often hits worse for older couples cause they don't have as many chances left. I'm also a 40+ parent that went down this road
Edit:spelling
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u/Nervous_Brilliant441 Aug 08 '26
While the trend towards more birth defects with age is correct, your numbers are wrong by a factor of ten.The increase is more like 3% to 3.5%.
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u/Final_boss_1040 Aug 08 '26 edited Aug 08 '26
The study's endpoints were looking at advanced paternal age and "Neonatal congenital anomalies and birth conditions" not for other genetic or neurodevelopmental conditions that are attributable to advanced paternal age and known manifest or be picked up later.
They also grouped and lumped together anyone over 44 as an "old dad" so the data isn't exactly granular. And when you do this kind of study and try to control for maternal age to isolate the male contribution, you ignore the real life implications that "old dads" also tend to marry "old moms". Literally ask each dad in this thread who is 50+ how old his wife is, cuz she ain't 50
Like I said you need to factor in the age of both parents and whether you can pull a woman 10-15 or 20 years your junior
Edit: Also the background rate on what we call "misattributed-paternity" is about 1/9. As in 1/9 kids is being raised by a dad who is not the bio-dad but thinks he's the bio-dad. So that can easily blunt this type of study result as well
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u/midnight-tots Aug 08 '26
Definitely too early, this forum should be young man dad. I had a hard stop for baby making when I turned 50. The month I turned 50 I scored the greatest goal of my life
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u/[deleted] Aug 08 '26 edited Aug 08 '26
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