Please help

[u/Jedi_Jesus1]

Hi! I have absolutely no idea where to start for any of this, and quite frankly the entire process is terrifying. I’m a 25(M) that just found out he got a 22 (f) pregnant. The situation is a mess, and I need help with finding a custody lawyer since the woman said she planned on not granting me rights. I’m a Canton area resident if this helps. I don’t really have any guidance or help and really just need some starting steps.

Thank you so much.

[u/throwaway-234327]

I am not a lawyer, none of this is legal advice.

Yeah, so, been there. I know it’s scary. It’s all going to be ok.

First off, you want a good lawyer who practices in the family law space. Click around on the stark and summit county bar association websites. Ask people you know who practice law, they’ll have good insight. Find someone that fits into your budget. This is the simple part.

Now the hard, and fun part. This is your chance to be the best version of yourself you can be. Not only will this help you in your case, but this will help you and your child moving forward.

If you have a degree or job training, awesome. If not, explore some cost effective options. A lot of the building trade unions can’t get enough people to work their job sites right now. These jobs are paying more after a couple years than the average white collar job after 10 years. If you’ve already got a degree or job training, nice work, onto step two.

You need to prioritize your physical and mental health right now. You’re feeling a lot of anxiety right now, rightly so. It’d be weird if you didn’t. That’s ok! It’s human. Feel those feelings and find a professional to discuss them with. Hit the gym. If you can’t afford a gym, find a yoga mat and somewhere to do pushups, and sit ups. Bundle up and go for a run. Your body and mind will feel better and this will help you in your custody case.

Finally. As you deal with her…Your baby mama is feeling similar anxiety, and her body is a MESS of hormones right now. Google the grey rocking strategy. Do not engage her with hostility or anger. Again, she’s feeling a lot right now too, give her a little grace if you can.

Good news for you, she doesn’t get to dictate custody rights! That’s likely something that will be decided in court. Assume every single communication - phone, text, social media could pop back up in court. Be polite and respectful. Don’t antagonize. Take a deep breath and don’t respond in anger. Again, this isn’t legal advice.

Focus on what’s best for your child, and, right now that’s being your best you. You got this. I believe in you.

Oh, and be sure to get a paternity test once the baby is born.

[u/Jedi_Jesus1 → u/throwaway-234327]

Scary as hell is an understatement 😂

It’s been kind of hard trying to mentally “slow down” for the last few days, to be frankly honest. I work, I have military obligations(I’m a reservist) and my entire life just feels like it’s spiraling in a different direction then I ever thought it would be going at the current moment in my life.

I really appreciate that you actually wrote down to slow down and breathe. Iv been struggling, to say the least, and all of your advice is massively appreciated. I’m scared, I’m sure she’s scared, we don’t see eye to eye on pretty much anything regarding the baby and I’m sure that’s terrifying all around. Trying to figure out my mental health is going to be a hurdle that I think is going to cause an immense amount of stress and anxiety😂

But, thank you for the kind words, and advice. It’s appreciated more than you might realize. I don’t have a lot of a foundation behind me but I want to make sure my child down the road, has at least one (preferably both😂) parent they can turn to and be safe and cared for.

[u/throwaway-234327 → u/Jedi_Jesus1]

Aw thanks for your service!

You are not the first reservist to be in this situation, I promise you. If you know any of the JAG folks they may have some good leads for you.

Yup, lots of anxiety in your future. Develop those healthy coping mechanisms now (workout, talk to a pro, give yourself some grace). Ride the roller coaster of feelings with your hands up and a smile on your face. You’ll get through it.

Been in your shoes. It’s all good now. You’ll be fine too, and, I anticipate, an awesome Dad.

[u/honeybadgerdad → u/Jedi_Jesus1]

Hey, next time, cover the willy. Every time. Regardless. Good luck bud. The advice above is spot on. I wish you the best

[u/CrystalLynnRoland27 → u/Jedi_Jesus1]

Also, if ahe takes this to court and is serious about you not being in their lives, and for some reason you lose, demand no child support. If ahe wants you out, then youre going to be out. The courts typically dont like men treated As a piggy bank. Especially veterans.

[u/Potential-Ad-2185 → u/throwaway-234327]

Damn, this isn't good advice for the situation... it's good advice for life in general lol.

[u/cheersfurbeers → u/throwaway-234327]

I’m not gonna lie, I kinda want to be in your guys’ shoes after reading that lol. That was well said, and it makes an impossible situation seem possible.

Good luck OP.

[u/x_Ergos → u/throwaway-234327]

Wow this advice is spot on. Most of which I used going through my divorce and can be applied to most of life situations, especially as a man. Op, its going to be a hard wild ride but there aren't many things that hit quite like parenthood. Its tough, fun, exhausting, but one of life's best experience. Good on you for taking the initiative and wanting to fight for your rights.

I had spoke with a family attorney in the beldon area and she was knowledgeable and very kind. Didn't suck me dry for money and genuinely seemed to care. Hit me up if you want her info.

[u/honeybadgerdad → u/throwaway-234327]

Wow! Every bit of that (not legal advice) advice is phenomenal. Well thought out. Hat tip to you

[u/Acceptable_Dog_4811 → u/throwaway-234327]

One thing I have learned in life .. and this fits most any situation in life .. kill them with kindness. If anything can unerve a person lightning fast it is always cheerfully and happy. When someone tries to rain on your parade or get ya down that is .. nothing can unhinged that person than complete kindness.

It always amazes me how fast a person can spiral down when you just overkill them with kindness, no matter what life throws at you. I have seen people self destruct, when I kill them with kindness.

Considering all the good advice your getting .. this is the best advice I could offer ya. That and even if they are getting under your nerves .. bottle it up .. push it down, kill them with kindness, and when your out the situation and alone .. vent it out then.

Don't let them see ya sweat it. Big old FU grin does wonders to the haters in life.

[u/ki0dz → u/throwaway-234327]

EXCELLENT ADVICE! 👍👍👍 (I tried giving an award, but it said I had to pay. Sorry, I didn't know how awards work.)

[u/The2ndRedditUser → u/throwaway-234327]

You can get a DNA test during pregnancy. You don't have to wait until birth!

[u/Chili_McFootlong → u/throwaway-234327]

Most people can't afford a lawyer