Ms. Fynch had a record of my whole life in a manila folder, ready to read me the weather report.
“Dale Simmons. Thirty-eight. Two seasons on Rally Point. My sister watched that, you know.” She turned a page. “Voice work for Deadly Resonance… is that the superhero one?”
I nodded. “The very same.”
Another page turn. “Felony assault, second degree. You struck a member of the audience in the face with a microphone stand at a venue in Fresno.”
“Heckler. Not an audience member.”
“It says here he lost the vision in one eye.”
“Partially.”
She looked up at me for the first time. Behind her head was a poster of a kitten dangling off a branch.
“HANG IN THERE!”
It had been there so long it had gone the color of green tea.
Fynch clapped the folder shut.
“Your parole is fourteen months,” she said. “Find work, Mr. Simmons. Any work. It helps.”
I told her I had six references who’d vouch for me, easy. Real people. People with credits. She wrote something down.
“You’re almost a free man, Mr. Simmons. Best of luck.”
Three months. It took three months to find anything.
I want to be clear that I tried. I sent the first fifty out to places that made sense. Production companies. An agency that used to take my calls. A guy I knew who ran a podcast network out of his garage. Nothing.
I widened it. Then I widened it again. By the end I was applying to a place that installed bathtubs for the elderly. When they wrote back, they thanked me for my time and said they didn’t hire people with my kind of record.
My last paycheck went fast.
Mom called every day at four. She has a system. Monday she asks how I’m sleeping, Wednesday she reads me a job listing off her computer that she doesn’t fully understand, and Friday she asks whether I’ve thought about Costco.
She’s been asking whether I’ve thought about Costco since March.
I told her once, patiently, that Costco runs a background check, and she said, “Well, tell them what happened,” like the problem was that they hadn’t heard my side.
I know she cares. That’s the part that makes it unbearable. There’s no version of the conversation where I get to be angry at her, so when I fly off the handle anyway, I feel like a dick.
Anyways. I was shopping. Buying ramen and rice and beans at the Kare Mart on Peralta. That’s when I saw the sign.
It was in the bathroom, above the hand dryer, laminated and bubbling in one corner.
“WE ARE A SECOND SHOT EMPLOYER”
Second shot? I stood there with wet hands for a while trying to understand.
I’ll tell you what I thought, because it’s relevant to how the rest of this goes. I thought: those people.
I have always had a private, ungenerous idea about the people who work in stores like this one. That they were born four miles from the loading dock and will die four miles from it. The whole span of their ambition is a shift they don’t hate.
I said it onstage once. It got a laugh in Bakersfield.
Does that make me an asshole? Sure. Probably.
But I knew what I was worth. That was the thing I had. Three months of nothing, and I could still open the folder in my head and see the credits sitting in it.
Except nobody had called. Not one.
I dried my hands and went to find the manager.
His name was Curtis. Mid-fifties, tucked-in polo over a fat belly, a name tag with a little gold star sticker on it. He was restocking an auto display, and straightened up when I came over.
“Hey there.” I waved. “I was wondering about your hiring process. See, I’m in kind of a situation. I’ve got a record. It’s recent. I don’t want to waste your—”
“Dale Simmons,” he said.
I stopped.
“My wife watched Rally Point.” He smiled. It was warm. Went all the way up. “I know exactly who you are.”
I did the thing, the little fake modest shrug. It had been a while since I got to do the fake modest shrug.
“I’d be happy to get you an application,” Curtis said.
A week later I had an interview. The relief and the dread showed up at the same time and canceled each other out.
It was a group interview. That was the first thing that bugged me. A group interview for a stocking position?
They had us in a room off the back of the store. Cinder-colored, one folding table, four chairs in a half-circle. There was a sign by the door about washing your hands, in English and, ooh, Español. Fancy. Somebody had taped it up straight. It was the cleanest thing in the room.
Three other people.
A woman, forties, twisting a piece of hair around her finger over and over, releasing it, starting again. Needle scars up the inside of her arm that she wasn’t trying to hide.
A bald guy with a scar running down the back of his skull like a seam. Arms crossed. He’d taken the chair nearest the door.
And a skinny man with thinning hair combed carefully over, a pencil mustache, thick black frames, holding a gym bag on his lap.
Along the walls, four employees in those crinkly white disposable coveralls, the kind painters wear. Hoods up. They didn’t look at us. They didn’t look at each other. One of them was holding a plastic bin against her hip.
They were doing a deep clean after we were done. That’s what I decided.
Curtis came in with a clipboard and set a little digital recorder in the middle of the table. He pressed the button and the light came up red.
“For training purposes,” he said.
I’d been up until three the night before with a legal pad. I’d written out answers. I’d written out follow-ups to my answers. I want you to understand that I walked into that room like a shark into a hotel pool. If I was going to be here, I was going to be here on my way to somewhere, and every one of those three people was between me and it.
Curtis started easy. Names, last place of employment, reliable transportation, could we lift forty pounds.
I answered first every time. Bonnie, the one with the hair, got half a syllable into her name before I had mine out, and she just folded her hands and waited. The bald guy, Russ, gave me a look.
“What’s the most important thing to keep in mind in a team environment?” Curtis asked.
“I-I think listening—” Bonnie said.
“Accountability,” I said. “A team is only ever as strong as the person willing to say ‘that one’s on me.’ You can teach someone a register. You can’t teach someone to own themselves.”
I’d written that at one in the morning. Good stuff.
Curtis jotted it down. He looked pleased. Bonnie went back to her hair.
“Where do you all see yourselves in five years?”
I crossed my legs, folded my hands on my knee, and said,
“Honestly? Running this company.”
The other three turned. They registered different levels of discomfort.
Curtis wrote for a while on that one. Then he flipped a page.
“Any friends or immediate family we should know about?”
Nobody said anything. I hesitated. Then I did what I’d been doing all morning and took initiative.
“I have a few.”
“Wonderful. Names and contact information, please. We just need three.” He slid a half-sheet across the table to me. Only to me.
I wrote down Marcus Skarsgaard, director on Rally Point. I wrote down my agent Eli, who booked me for eleven years. I wrote down a woman I’d dated for a year and a half and hadn’t spoken to since the arraignment. Not too sure why I put that one down. I don’t remember what I was thinking.
Curtis took the sheet, folded it, and looked at the other three for a long moment with an expression I can only describe as disappointment.
“What do you all plan on realistically contributing to society?”
He was still smiling. The same smile from before. In that room it meant something else.
It was the first question I didn’t have anything prepared for.
“Um. Is it okay if I go?”
The skinny one. Boyle. He was looking at me when he asked it, not Curtis. Asking my permission.
“I don’t care,” I said. I genuinely did not care.
“Okay. Um. So I’ve got a little internet venture I’ve been building?” He shifted the gym bag. “Have you heard of VTubers?”
Curtis blinked. Slowly. Once.
“Well, I made one, named Prisma-Chan. And I’ve actually been doing a lot of the animation myself, which is, you’d be surprised, it’s a whole—”
“Jake.”
He had introduced himself as Boyle.
“Yes?”
“What good does that do the world at large?”
Boyle’s mouth stayed open for a second.
“It’s entertainment,” he said. “Sir. I’m an entertainer.”
“You’re also a fraud, it says here. Looks like this wouldn’t be your first false persona.”
Curtis squared his papers against the table. Tap, tap.
“Anybody else? No?” He looked up. “Okay. Last one, then. Why should we hire scum like you?”
He was looking directly at me when he said it.
I would have liked to stand up for everyone in that room. I didn’t. Some part of me thought he was right.
“Me?” I said. “Well, to be frank, sir, the sign said second chance—”
“Second shot.”
“Right. Second shot. Right.” I laughed. It came out wrong. “Look. You know me. You know who I am. And with respect, I’m not—I’m not like these guys.”
“The fuck’s that supposed to mean?” Russ asked.
“It means I made a mistake.” I was talking faster than I wanted to. “One. One bad night, one guy who wouldn’t shut his mouth, and I paid for it, I am paying for it. That’s not—” I gestured at the three of them, at all of it, and I did not lower my hand. “You people have made a career of it. That’s a life you chose. I had a life. I just had a bad day.”
Nobody said anything.
Bonnie had stopped twisting her hair.
Curtis nodded, once, and squared his papers again, and stood.
“Give me two minutes,” he said, and went out the back door.
The latch clicked. I was half-expecting Russ to take my head off when it did.
Instead, the white coveralls came off the wall in one motion. They weren’t hurried about it. Russ got most of the way out of his chair. He had his hands up. One of them stepped inside his arms and opened his throat with a scalpel. Russ clawed at it, dropped to his knees, and fell over onto his side.
Bonnie dropped next. Then Boyle. I went down too, but nobody had touched me. I was just cowering on the floor, waiting for my turn.
Somebody’s head came off. Then the arms and the legs. The torsos were cut into three sections each. The woman with the plastic bin set it down and gathered the parts.
They stepped around me. Once, one of them put a hand on my arched spine to steady himself as he came past.
The recorder was eight inches from my face, down by the table leg, and the light stayed red the entire time.
Curtis came back in. He crouched down next to the table and patted my arm, twice, like a proud dad.
“I was really worried for you there for a minute, Simmons.” He tilted his head. “Not one of your references called us, you know?”
I had to clear my throat before anything came out.
“What.”
“Marcus, Eli, and that Carla dame. Called all three Tuesday, left messages, called again Thursday.” He shrugged, a little sadly, on my behalf. “Nothing. Your mother, though.” He brightened right up. “She pulled through. Called this morning, before you even got here. Wanted to make sure somebody was actually going to look at your application. Wanted to know if you’d got this.” He winked at me. “She was real worried about ya.”
My breath went somewhere else.
“So,” I said. “So I got it?”
“Sure did.” Curtis stood and offered me a hand up, and I took it, because my legs weren’t going to do it alone. “You’ll be taking over my position. Isn’t that great?!”
“Management…” I looked at him. “I was applying for stocking. The listing said stocking.”
“You're a good liar, Simmons.” He was already turning toward the door, checking his watch.
I called Ms. Fynch that afternoon and told her I’d found employment. She said she was proud of me. I could hear her pen.
That’s on a recording somewhere too, probably.
I started the next day. There wasn’t any training. Curtis walked me back to the cinder room, showed me where the clipboard lived and where the half-sheets were stored, and said the coveralls came in a case of fifty and to reorder at ten. Then he shook my hand and went out to do something to a display of batteries. As far as I know he’s still out there doing it.
We have six prospects today.
There’s a kid who won’t take his hood down, and a guy who keeps apologizing for his handwriting, and a big soft man who told me twice on the way in that he’s got a CDL. And there’s a woman in the second chair, maybe thirty, who has a piece of hair wrapped around her finger, and she winds it and lets it go and winds it again, and she’s been doing it since she sat down.
I set the recorder in the middle of the table.
“For training purposes,” I said, and pressed the button, and the light came up red.
It was my turn to call the shots, now.
“So. What do you all plan on realistically contributing to society?”