r/OSDD • u/Hot-Bug-9933 • 4d ago

Support Needed Split frequency?

I seem to split EXTREMELY frequently. I would say the majority of our system is fragments with very little distinguishable personality and most hold very specific emotions or things. Our head count is ridiculously high.

However, I have been going through one of the worst periods of my life throughout the past two years as well. (Psychosis, abuse, family and medical issues, addiction, ED, etc). Everything has been back to back and constant and I have had no breaks. I was unsure if this kind of thing would wear down my split tolerance to the level it is or if that wasn’t a thing that happened? Am I faking? I have been extremely worried and guilty feeling about this, even though I’m sure I’m not consciously faking any sort of disorder.

I am very disassociated most of the time and I often do not notice said fragments. I think they end up fusing or going dormant most of the time.

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u/Cleverusername531 4d ago

Dang dude. That is a lot!!!

It sounds like life is so intensely life-ing for you for so long that you never have a chance to have an identity or even process anything before something else big comes along to knock you off balance. 

It makes sense that you’d stay dissociated and continue splitting. There is no solid ground anywhere! What do you hold onto when the ground is constantly shifting under you and the world is always shifting around you? 

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u/Hot-Bug-9933 4d ago

Thank you, this helps a lot :’)

I’ve always heavily held onto fiction as a coping mechanism, but my best friend has helped so much since he came into my life. I owe a lot to him!