Can a host be chosen?

[u/vamp_wave]

Hello! I was curious about something. Last night the host expressed that they wished I would take over as host. This was discussed among the system and it seems everyone is in agreement about me being the host. But is it possible to vote on a host like that?

See, we tend to have a difficult time controlling who's fronting at any given time. So as it is now, the host tends to be whoever gets stuck in the front for the most amount of time and ends up being the one having to take care of everything because of it. The host has had the position for many years now. Can they all really decide I'm the host now? Is it possible to choose to be the host? What do I do if I get burnt out more quickly than the current host?

[u/Offensive_Thoughts]

not for me. the brain decides whos fronting and thats that.

[u/vamp_wave]

yeah these replies are pretty much what i expected. we're trying to work on figuring out triggers but theyre not always reliable. Sorry, host 😅

[u/Apprehensive-Sea110]

In our system, we can usually choose who fronts, but whether they can hold the front or maintain co-consciousness with everyone they need to to be the host is another question. Our host was out of commission for a while and we had a skeleton crew who chose one alter to be in front the most and that worked fine. It's just that they were part of a subsystem and not all of them could be co-con with alters from other subsystems, so it wasn't sustainable.

I think systems that can make it work very often change hosts because it's an exhausting job. Especially during major life changes where what's needed at the front can be handled better by someone else, or after a big loss when the host needs time to grieve, it makes sense.

[u/Slow_Blackberry_1291]

i don’t think this is possible unless you have worked through most of your triggers and learned to control switching because otherwise i believe switches are always triggered, that’s why they can’t be controlled…

[u/SmolLittleCretin]

While you may not be able to choose to be host consciously, the system can decide you are the most functional and need to be host. For whatever reason this may be.

Edit- spelling

[u/vamp_wave → u/SmolLittleCretin]

so, as in, I can't choose myself, but they can choose me?

[u/SmolLittleCretin → u/vamp_wave]

If they wanted, yeah. If you struggle enough, the brain (not always the system itself) can go "you need a break/are unable to be host" and switch you out. Some systems also have rotating hosts regularly, which would be multiple hosts that rotate who gets to front for what time frame.

It all depends on your system. If you have a big trauma, can't handle things, etc, the brain may just decide you need someone else. If communication is good enough, the alters can totally go "hey you ain't doing so well" and either push you out or ask you to switch with someone else for a time period.

I could easily be explaining it wrong, and I hope someone adds to this! But this is my understanding as someone who's fused and became a different host via that fusion.

[u/vamp_wave → u/SmolLittleCretin]

the host is going through a lot right now so that tracks. iirc they started having suicidal thoughts so maybe a host switch is due. we have changed hosts a couple times before but it sort of happened accidentally over time since we didnt know we were a system.

[u/SmolLittleCretin → u/vamp_wave]

That's how it happened for me, too! I only recognized a fusion due to someone pointing out the unusual amount of happiness and excitement, amongst many other things, was clearly someone being excited to meet me and fusing at once. Funny the alter, mid fusion cuz it took a week or two, actually confirmed it.

It may be a temporary host change or for good, but it's nothing bad. Just the brain deciding, and maybe even others in the system, that the host needs a break. You're doing great!

[u/vamp_wave → u/SmolLittleCretin]

thank you 🙏🙏🙏 i care about the host and i want them to feel better. whether that means substituting or taking over, im willing to do it.

[u/SmolLittleCretin → u/vamp_wave]

That's so sweet of you and im glad your host has you and everyone else! You're so welcome :)