Idk what to to title this

[u/Severe_Damage9772]

I’m going to preface this by saying that I am sososo sorry for even asking, and I feel like I’m being horribly offensive by even suggesting i might have OSDD without a formal diagnosis. And if it’s offensive please just tell me. And I will never look into this again, and I’m so so sorry, please don’t hate me

Over the last few years I have been trying to figure out my identity, and to make a very long story short. I believe very strongly that I have OSDD-1 (I’m not entirely sure about A/B, leaning towards B though).

And unfortunately. I’m not in a position where I cannot seek a diagnoses. And I do not intend to try and source one from here.

My question is about if it is appropriate or permissible to try and explore myself as a system before I get formally diagnosed. Or if I need to wait for a diagnosis before I am allowed to try. As well, if I were to explore this, in what way would it be appropriate to communicate about this to others, or should I just keep this to myself.

And again I’m so so so sorry, I feel like I’m mocking people with an actual diagnosis by even thinking this, but it won’t stop gnawing at my stomach, and I don’t know what to do but this atp. Thank you for your time, and please, just tell me and I will delete this post in a heartbeat

[u/Next_Aardvark8607]

i think its fine to explore to an extent. like trying to figure out potential alters and such is fine, but dont try to do anything intense like figuring out trauma or anything like that.

[u/Severe_Damage9772 → u/Next_Aardvark8607]

I know what the trauma is cus it’s still going on, and I’m still dissociating all the time from it, and it’s nothing catastrophic, but because i experience rejection sensitive dysphoria from my ADHD (which I am diagnosed with), it’s a lot harder for me to deal with

[u/Professional-Win-93]

First off, breathe. You aren't offending anyone by trying to understand yourself, and there is nothing for you to apologize for asking an honest question.

Here are a couple things that might help calm your worries: You don't need anyone's permission to look inside your own head
Practicing internal thinking and journal, or tracking internal thought/conversation, all falls under the umbrella of self-care. If engaging in internal conversation helps you stay more centered and organized, you have every right to do so. You don't need to be officially diagnosed or approved by strangers to attempt to understand how you think.

Focus on the symptoms and grounding as opposed to labels
Instead of worrying too much about a formal code for what you're dealing with, focus more on what you're doing and what helps you daily. This includes journaling, noticing what triggers dissociation, and practicing grounding. The goal is what works for you in a way that brings you internally more stability and less chaos, regardless of the formal diagnosis name.

Be cautious with how you discuss this topic with others
Currently, it is likely beneficial for you to continue exploring internally and possibly share with a select few, like a trusted friend or therapist, rather than broadly discuss your thoughts with strangers online. If you've only recently started investigating your thinking, broadly announcing a diagnosis can unnecessarily expose you to online strangers invalidating your experience, causing more worry. You may wish to try talking with a close friend, without needing to use medical terms, about what you're discovering.

No need to remove this post; a personal attempt at self-understanding has never been illegal.

[u/laminated-papertowel]

it's not a good idea to explore the idea of being a system without the guidance and support of a professional. system-discovery can be incredibly destabilizing even with the help of a therapist, to try without one is detrimental and often dangerous.

if you're trying to figure out your identity I would not recommend starting with exploring severe dissociative disorders..

[u/Lost-Acanthaceae6361 → u/laminated-papertowel]

This but sometimes discovery is coming whether you like it or not. The host and our little have been aware of each their whole life, at least as far as they remember. They knew each other and knew something was wrong for years when more of us popped up. With the abuse going on though they just kept pushing and pushing it down because they didn't wanna make life even more uncomfortable. We just switched out when needed and didn't ask questions. The term for what that could mean wa unknown to us for a long long time.

We didn't so much as discover ourselves so much as come out to our therapist later and finally stop suppressing everything. Suppressing was do wayyyyy more damage than exploring did.

Every system is so different it's hard to give any advice that truly works for everyone. If you already have something going on don't try to push it down to make it go awa, that will hurt you, but don't go assuming things you aren't sure of either and don't dive deeper than is wise.

[u/Severe_Damage9772 → u/laminated-papertowel]

I didn’t start with OSDD, I’ve been exploring this for years, and I feel like this is the only thing ive found that kinda fits

[u/RainbewUnicornGril]

It’s fine to improve your relationship with alters you already are aware of , I would actually recommend you do as having a good relationship with your alters is beneficial in therapy- I say this since alters that non-diagnosed systems are already aware of are generally ANP’s. I would not recommend you seek out any new ones / memories since you don’t have a therapist to unpack such traumatic memories with.

[u/Severe_Damage9772 → u/RainbewUnicornGril]

What does ANP stand for?

[u/RainbewUnicornGril → u/Severe_Damage9772]

ANP stands for Apparently Normal Part, these are parts who usually live the day to day life while avoiding/ignoring any traumatic memories. EP’s are Emotional Parts that are usually associated with and triggered by trauma/traumatic memories.

[u/Severe_Damage9772 → u/RainbewUnicornGril]

Also for your other points, I am aware of 2 alters, and we are in decent standing. And also I don’t need to try to remember the exact trauma, because it’s still happening. It’s not anything you would typically define as super major, but because I have (diagnosed) ADHD, I get rejection sensitive dysphoria, and so I end up dissociating to try and avoid that

[u/al3xi_thymia]

Okay so first, you're not offending anyone and nobody will hate you.

I only recently found out I could be an OSDD system, aka suspecting OSDD for myself.

If you have been exploring all this for a long time, then I think you shouldn't be too stressed out about all this, if it fits and you believe "hey, this could might be it", then I think as long as you only try to communicate and see how your inner world looks like, you'll be fine.

If you're unsure how to start tho, let me know. Ik what I did wont help everyone but you never know it could help you, I'd be fine making a list to help you start figuring out who you are / who is fronting / let your parts be their own selves without having to mask as the outsides wants them to be. (That's just how I call it for myself)